for a while, like 6 months, i’ve been questioning whether i’m awkward or everyone else is just boring. in conversations i feel like i do all the talking and asking questions all of the time. i feel like im pressured to hold up the conversation, and when i inevitably run out of things to say, i just start saying stupid shit out of fear that it’ll go quiet. i can’t tell if im awkward and making people feel like they can’t talk, or if people truly just don’t really care to ask the other part of the conversation questions about themselves anymore. i also feel like since people don’t ask me questions, i don’t really have anything to respond to. let me give an example, because i think this might be hard to understand without one. here’s an average conversation for me:
me: hi! how are you
them: stressed with school how about you
me: yeah same there’s so much going on, it’s hard to keep up
them: yeah
me: soooo, did you do anything this weekend?
them: *average response*
me: okay nice
and then from there it’s kind of just over. i don’t know if this is just a me thing and i just find it hard to talk to people without the conversation matter that comes from questions or if this truly isn’t on me. it feels like everyone around me makes friends so easily while this type of conversation is all i get. do conversations not revolve around questions anymore or something? am i missing an element of personality? i don’t really know what’s going on here and i always chalk up conversations not going well to being the fault of my social anxiety, but it really feels like it’s not my fault most of the time. i just see other people getting along so well like a week or two after meeting and im like.. how? there must be something wrong with me. idk, i don’t really know what to expect in terms of people acting normally or having a normal conversation with me, so i have nothing to really compare these conversations to. i literally started questioning whether i was autistic or something because conversations just like … don’t leave small talk, and i don’t know how to progress them out of small talk. i try to ask open ended questions that make the other person actually think, but those don’t become anything either. i just feel like if other people asked me questions i would open up but it’s hard to open up when you’re talking to a brick wall. anyway, i guess the fact that i’m basically talking to myself makes me socially anxious because i feel like everything i say is kinda the determining factor of whether or not this person will stay friends with me or want to talk to me again, which no one has actually been doing. i really don’t know where i’m going wrong. i have this awkward conversations with people and try my best to talk to them when they’re giving me nothing back, and then they don’t reach out to me and i feel disliked. does anyone have any advice? has anyone else noticed this? am i doing something wrong?
2 comments
Nah mate, you re just boring and they see you as such. But don’t worry, I’ve got some advice for you. First of all, it s not what you say, it s how you say it. It s all about your energy. If you say “hey ,Alex, how are you?” Vs “Aaalex, how are you ,my friend?” Instead of asking boring questions add something more spicy in like instead of how was your weekend just say “so, how was the weekend ? Did you party?” Chances are they will say they didn’t so just say something ridiculous like “oh ,I don’t believe you , you give me the vibe you re a secret party animal and you have a secret hangover recipe and you re fresh on Monday but don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.” It is absolutely ridiculous ,but people love it especially when they re pretty boring people. The fact that you would consider them to be more fun than they are it s like you re giving them crack and they will love you for it. Idk if I put into words clearly what I m trying to convey, but the main point is put some soul in your way of speaking, don’t speak like a robot and make people feel special but not in a complimenting or kissassing way ,but in a fun way.
I feel like at this point you’ve started to overthink it, and people sense that. You are fearing the conversation will end and what you fear, you manifest, my friend.
Soo, lets get back to the basics of conversation which is in your case since you are so bored: having fun!
Ask questions that you Actually want to know and are interested in. Don’t think about, how can i make this conversation go well but,,: how can i have the most fun with this conversation, what would i actually find interesting to know about this person.
People love it when you are actually interested in them as a person. They are not very used to it. So stop asking them what they did with their weekend. (What are you gonna do with that info anyway, compare it to your own weekend?) No! Ask them something specific about them. Something you genuinely want to know.
Ask something personal interesting to you and them! Could be anything. Not one size fits all questions. Some ideas: Whats going on between you and …. How did you get so good at drawing? Also: follow up on what you learned about them last time, which shows genuine interest: did you end up finishing that project? How was your surf holiday?
Good luck, Hope this helps.