TL;DR: He said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship because he was traumatized by his ex gf, but he says he really likes me and treats me like his gf
So I met this boy and we have been hanging. We have so close in a short period of time.
One day I asked him to be honest and if he sees me more than a friend, he told me that he likes me very much but can’t be in a relationship because his last was very bad for him (his ex cheated on him), but also said he don’t know if he will change his mind in the future. I told him what a shame because I really liked him but I understand, and he said he still likes me back
He treats me like his gf and talk to me a lot and constantly spends time with me. Do you think he is really afraid and we have a chance, or just leading me on (I said to him I didn’t want to be friends with benefits and he agreed)
23 comments
I think you are going to get your heart broken this way. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. If you want to be in a relationship, he isn’t the guy for you. Just because he treats you like a girlfriend doesn’t mean he will ever make you his girlfriend.
If he’s still hung up on something that happened in the past, he’ll take it out on you. It’s best to stay away from people like that.
I’ve dated people like this. Don’t waste your time. Get someone who WANTS you.
Definitely leading you on. Sorry but no one is so “traumatized” by cheating but then still seeing someone and liking them? I’ve been there and made that mistake, it’s fucking bullshit.
He needs to work out his issues before he may cause you to hurt. The attention is nice and validating, but you deserve it from someone who genuinely wants to be with you unconditionally. Treat yourself better.
Nonono, this happens all the time. He wants a relationship, but not *with you* but wants you to stick around and be the placeholder while he’s waiting for the “right” person to come along. He obviously can’t tell you that because it’s extremely disrespectful, so he made excuses. Don’t let him waste your time.
Drop him asap. Using you. I know it doesn’t feel like it (personal experience) but he is. Being traumatised from an ex cheating isn’t a thing, it’s called trust issues, which plenty of people have whilst in a relationship and is something they work on to overcome. Believe me, he’ll be talking to other girls, and the next one to come along that he sees as girlfriend material will be the one he dates, but you don’t want to be talking to him when that happens because you’ll be straight up ghosted.
Look for someone who wants you and not someone who’s just trying to have you around without fulfilling your wants and needs. He told you that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, so you need to respect that and let him go. Don’t wait for him or put your life on hold.
He wants to make sure he doesn’t have a girlfriend because sooner or later he’ll be saying the same thing to another woman while your wondering why he’s so busy all the time. 🫤
Girl. He doesn’t want a relationship with YOU. If he finds someone he really likes he will have a relationship. Don’t be a place holder. If he has trauma from his ex he should seek help no leaving you waiting in the wings for the day he will consider you as a partner.
Sorry to disappoint you, but no chance.
Better take his words at face value
He spends a pleasant time with you while searching for the next romance
He has told you – believe him
You are on his ‘hook’. It’s highly unlikely he will ever begin a proper relationship with you because he doesn’t need to. He encourages you with the promise that he might feel more soon (because of xyz) and that he really cares about you and may say he’s attracted to you. But that is because he needs the validation of having you around for his ego. You care about him, would love to have a relationship and ard happy to wait. Other girls will come and go but uou will always be waiting in the background for him to finally realise how much he loves you. He will keep you on his hook by treating you like a gf but will keep reminding you that you can’t be in a relationship because he’s not ready. He might do this totally subconsciously but it’ll still be there.
He will never be ready for you. And you never want to be on anyone’s hook. It’s a crappy demoralising place to be and you get hurt a whole ton in the end.
Girl, I’ve been there. It sucked. The “we’re just friends but we’re going to spend every waking minute together and travel across four continents together and I’m going to help you through the worst job of your life” but also “I’m incapable of love so this is is just a friendship” relationship.
Normally I advocate that actions speak louder of words. But if he’s telling you he’s not going to commit romantically, he means it.
His answer sounds honest, but it’s clear he doesn’t know what he wants and he said that. Now is the time to set boundaries.
If you still want to be friends with him then you should have a conversation about him acting in a more platonic manner towards you because it doesn’t sound like you want to wait around for him to decide if he’s ready or he wants to commit to you.
If you two can’t be just friends then it’s best to break it off, it’s not good for you to be strung along just because he can’t decide, he either needs to work through his trust issues and take the risk if he values you as a person or let you go and respect that you deserve to have someone commit to you and not string you along because of their personal issues.
Don’t waste your time on him, all this will do is give you a heartbreak in the long run. It might not be easy to leave him now, but it will be much more difficult when he breaks your heart. Find someone who actually wants to be with you, not someone that is leading you along. There’s so many men out there, and I know it may seem like he’s the one at the moment, but trust me you will be happier if you let him go. Women need to stop putting eggs in one basket, date multiple men so that you don’t attach to one guy, don’t have sex with them. Let them prove themselves first and then pick the guy that you think is the best.
“Treats me like a girlfriend” is your perception–the behavior you associate with that is entirely your perspective.
He used his words to draw a clear boundary, so his words are accurate.
The absolute best relationship advice I’ve ever received is this: If he likes you, you’ll know. If he doesn’t, you’ll be confused.
Save yourself the wasted time and unnecessary heartache and walk away NOW.
Baby get out of there, he is not worthy if he wants the same energy and effort of being in a relationship but still having no commitment at all for it, unless you also want a open relationship, if so then stay, otherwise please look for someone who deserves your time and effort on building a lovely and beautiful relationship ♥️✨ wish you the best
I would be very, very cautious about getting pulled into a situation like this. He may not be deliberately leading you on, but there are a lot of ways this could end up unpleasantly for both of you.
It may be that your ex has trauma around dating because of being cheated on. If that’s the case, kinda-sorta being in a relationship without calling it dating is also going to cause problems. He needs to not be in a relationship (even a fuzzy, non-defined relationship) until he sorts himself out.
How is he going to feel if you start dating someone else? If you’ve been getting more emotionally intimate, there’s a solid chance he will still feel cheated on even though you weren’t officially dating. How are **you** going to feel if **he** starts dating someone else? Will you be hurt because he told you he “can’t be in a relationship”?
I’m trying to give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt here, but I also have a lot of side-eye for a guy who “can’t be in a relationship” but he still wants to treat you like his gf. Maybe you’re just really close friends who happen to spend a lot of time together, but that doesn’t sound like it to me.
It sounds like this relationship is slowly inching toward the Couch of Plausible Deniability, where you hook up and you both pretend you have no idea how it happened. If you don’t want to end up friends with benefits by default, you need to put some boundaries around your hangouts with this guy.
Don’t let this guy become the center of your social life. Don’t let him take the role of “boyfriend” without actually auditioning for the part. If he wants to just be friends, **just be friends.** Invest time in your other friends and yourself.
I would taper down any time you spend with him. He could really not be ready yet or he could just be leading you on. It’s not worth it for you to stick around and find out.
Keep him as a friend you see from time to time, and start going on dates with other people.
He’s manipulating you. He’s not worth your time. Leave him and find someone better. Guys like this will never change!
Don’t stick around for him to use you, he’ll drop you like a potato