So for context, I am 23 years old who graduated from college for a digital media design degree a month ago, and had to move to my mom’s place while working a decently chill restaurant It was stressful at first, but things started to chill
But now… I’m starting to not like it
My mom is unemployed, and is “looking” for a job at home, while only going by monthly paycheck, So I am the only one that is actually working.We have a schizophrenic dog that my sister apparently left to us before she moved out with her boyfriend, and it doesn’t know anything about personal space (Of that is what dogs do, but it gets annoying sometimes)
My work is alright once everything is usually quiet (I am usually the cashier and server guy). But we have been getting more busy days, it just feels like its already taxing my mental state by having to deal with so many customers, orders, and overall bullshit of it all. And I have a whole entire work week ahead of me (Except Friday)
I have no friends to hang out with IRL, and not even a girl to talk to after a certain incident that happened
With everything just feeling so overcumbering and stale, I start to feel angry and sad that I fear it may be like this for the rest of my life. And even when I say all of this, all I could hear is someone saying, “Suck it up, man. There are other people who has it worse than you. You just need to be patient and things will come your way”
At this point, I feel like I have already been patient long enough, and really don’t like the whole “There are other people who has it worse than you” excuse.But what I want to ask is, Am I overreacting with everything that is going on right now, and that I should be patient until everything starts coming my way? Or is this feeling valid, and if there is something I can do to at least change something?
6 comments
Finding a different job would help. Restaurants are crazy hectic and don’t pay that well.
The post college years were some of the hardest of my life. You don’t have enough experience to work an enjoyable job, and you don’t generally know what your goals are, so you’re kind of just hanging out and working a shitty job and life feels like it’s passing you by.
You’re absolutely right to feel that way.
But you’re absolutely wrong to think things will start to come your way. The only way your life change is if you make it happen.
You can spend years working a job you hate and quitting and working a similar job, or you can pick a goal and go for it. It could be working your way into a manager role at the restaurant, or it could be a different career, getting your own place, or whatever. And to some extent it doesn’t matter. What matters though is that you try to actively creat opportunity for yourself.
Good luck brother. It does get better. But right now, it’s rough.
You cant take care of your mum and a dog, while ur sister is out there living the life.
Tell ur sister you cant handle the dog and say u are considering putting it up for adoption.
>Am I overreacting with everything that is going on right now, and that I should be patient until everything starts coming my way? Or is this feeling valid, and if there is something I can do to at least change something?
Yes and yes. You’re overreacting in the sense that you’re not going to be stuck where you are for the rest of your life; things *can* change. Also, you’re right that other people have it worse than you.
But that doesn’t devalue your feelings. In our twenties a lot of people have this feeling of dissatisfaction and think they should be closer to their dreams than they are. It’s normal. The thing to realize is that you don’t get out of it by being annoyed. You don’t like your living situation, so work towards changing something about it. That doesn’t mean it’ll happen overnight, just that you need to have a goal.
Ask your sister to get her dog, help your mom get a job (or unemployment), look for other living arrangements. DO NOT move out alone right now, it’ll keep you broke. Is there other family you or both of you could live with, so that you’re not the only bread winner? Can you simply move in with a roommate?
Look for better job opportunities and never stop looking. Always know what’s available, if you decided you wanted to change. You should of course be looking for something that you like, but that may be hard to come by right now. So at least looking for something that pays better and, if possible, isn’t as hectic.
As I said, this isn’t going to happen at once. You have to get used to setting reasonable goals, reaching them, and then setting new ones. But you should definitely find coping mechanisms. Maybe hobbies, events, exploring nearby cities, etc. Anything you think you might like to do, try it out; as long as it doesn’t break the bank.
You want the hard truth? Here you go: Yes, you’re over reacting. You’re 23 and have a looong road ahead of you full of wins and losses. You haven’t been patient for shit. I was bankrupt and basically homeless at 22, late 40’s now and doing ok.
Nothing is coming your way except for what you go get. You have no destiny other than what you make for yourself. GTFO of that shitty dead end restaurant job* and start freelancing your design work or pursue a FT job doing it. Otherwise, you wasted your degree/time/money. No one is searching for digital media design people for top dollar. An assload of people have wanted to be one for 15-20 years and a ton of great ones have zero education in it, just raw talent. It’s an art. But things like Canva have rendered even that less valuable in the corporate space. Hell, my old company farmed it out to a dude in the Philippine’s for like $100 a month for whatever we needed. Nothing groundbreaking, but it sufficed.
All jobs have mentally stressful stuff, shitty customers, etc, that kick your ass. It’s why so many self medicate with weed or booze or whatever. That IS one of those “suck it up and deal” things we all encounter. Mitigate it the best you can.
So, make with using your degree/training and fighting for gigs or move on to something else. No shame in that. My brother got a Masters in Psychology, realized he hated it and is a wine/beer sales guy now and loves it. I chased an art type passion job I adored, did it for many years, starving, finally retired and now work a related job that’s “ok”, but has far more stability and personal time. I’m happy with it.
Get out and meet people. Go places you might not normally go to. Clubs, bars, library, sports events, charity work, community theater, etc, just anywhere off the PC and that’s not a YOU place to go or thing to do. Broaden your horizons and try new things to meet new people, some of whom will inevitably be girls. At least one will dig you. Take the chance and find out. No one likes a meek coward. Be bold and ask a few out. Side note: keep your body healthy and in decent shape. For your sake long term, and it doesn’t turn a girl off either. Win-win. But build those healthy habits/exercise routines NOW. It’s much harder later on when career, spouse, kids, etc, happen.
Reconnect with your old friends. The friendships only peter out if you let them. Don’t. They’ll never call you if you don’t call them some too.
Tell your sis to get the dog if you or Mom don’t want it or rehome it. It’ll be better off with loving people who desire it’s presence.
GFTO out of Mom’s house ASAP. Unless she needs actual care due to health. That’s different.
You can do this. All of it. But it takes effort and elbow grease and a lot of bullshit along the way. Maybe it leads to “success”, maybe not. Only one way to find out. Don’t think the instant success stories you see online are the norm. They’re not. Better to push Rocky style and find out, even if you fail, than the alternative of…just this same old bullshit. Go start pushing champ! FIGHT for what you want. Figuratively that is. Be pro-active. You have literally nothing to lose.
Hope that makes sense. Not trying to beat you up, just give you cold, hard Dad style advice as I see it based on the info given.
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* There’s nothing wrong with restaurant work. But it’ll suck the life outta you long term. The only reason to pursue a restaurant career is to learn enough to be able to open your own restaurant one day. Crapplbee’s has no desirable future for you.
> schizophrenic dog
This is where I stopped reading and requested more information.