So I’m throwing a halloween house party. The roomies and I realize we’ve got way too many people already coming so we decided we need to thin out our list of invitees. What is a polite way to let someone, who is really excited about the party, know that they can no longer attend? I don’t want to hurt anyones feelings but I also can’t have 40 people here…
Update: thanks so much for the advice guys, im gonna tell people that they can only bring themselves and also try to time the different groups for different parts of the night and hope for the best. I don’t want to be a shitty friend so no un inviting is happening!
Update #2: I don’t mean to sound like a huge a hole here but i just wanted people to understand the people I was considering asking not to attend were more colleagues than friends so i didn’t think it was as big a deal. Plus it’s not just me poorly planning it’s me and my roommates all as a group being dumb and not making a proper list before sending invites.
33 comments
Not everyone will actually show up. Don’t sweat it
Tell half the people you changed the date and then have two parties
Option 1. Cancel the party, pick another date and invite less people.
Option 2. No cancellation, divide the group of people in 3 groups and ask them to come in 3 different time tables. Group 1 are welcome starting at 8pm for example, group 2, are welcome starting at 930 pm. Group 3 at 11pm. Most people dont stay the whole evening.
Option 3. Tell the invitees that they cannot bring someone because its already a very big group. Some will cancel because they will not want to come without that friend or SO.
Why would you uninvite someone who’s really excited about the party? I guarantee that not all 40 people are thrilled about it – at least 5-10 of that list are just going because they don’t have anything else to do/want to show up for you and your roommates. Reach out to people individually and let them know the situation. You’re bound to get some people who are happy to back out.
Don’t take my word before anyone else’s, but sometimes you just gotta take the L. Again, try other advice first, but I’m just letting you know it’s okay if you just take the L because this is such a complicated ‘social’ thing to do tbh. Uninviting ppl, no matter how understanding they are, is still gonna hurt a little. And chances are, they’ll see social media posts about the party too. If you’re okay with it all though, do still try to uninvite! Just go down from least acquainted to most.
Another move that might be easier is clarifying no plus ones or etc. That’d be easier than explicitly uninviting. Or, tell the most acquainted no plus ones bc they’ll probs be the most understanding and easiest to reach.
The business, stuffiness, and crowded-ness can help crowd control a little too, as some ppl won’t wanna bother and leave. If you can, try moving any unnecessary or bulky furniture to a separate room. Have outdoor seating and tables and keep the back/front doors perpetually open if you can. Utilize the back/front yard and garage if you can, even if cold.
Another thing is lots of ppl do tend to flake, so you might not have to worry. The more ppl who aren’t that close to you (like coworkers or loose classmates), the more likely to flake. Unless it’s like a partying university town.
There’s no socially polite way to do this, sorry. But, not everyone will show up. As is human nature. Also, if it’s too crowded people will probably leave, thus, thinning the group.
Cancel the entire party, or deal with the fact that you organized a huge party without wanting one.
There’s probably people who accepted to be polite.. send a group message to everyone and explain the situation.. ask if anyone wants to opt out.
Yeah I feel like you can’t uninvite someone, that’s such a ehh shitty thing to do. People have commented some good advice like giving different hours or mentioning no plus ones so that seems a lot better than telling someone they’re not making the cut to your party. It’s a really sucky feeling to leave someone with
If I were the person/people that you would uninvite to the party, I would be very appreciative. It lets me know how little value our friendship has to you and I would know to move along. No wasted energy wondering how we stand.
One time for my birthday 40 people wanted to go to a restaurant for my birthday so I had to have two small get together one was a nice small dinner and the other was a rager
At least 10% of your guests are going to cancel at the last minute, that’s almost always the case, life happens and stuff comes up. Don’t univite a friend, that’s super shitty!
Really? This is the rudest most self centered post! Be a grownup and be kind! Anyway you have decided this person doesn’t belong is just inappropriate on your part! Grow up!
You don’t. Never in my life have I heard the like of that. You’re having a big party, prepare for it. Or cancel the entire thing.
I can’t even
That’s fucked up. Don’t
If i ever get uninvited best believe i’m not showing up to anything that person invites me to ever
Send a message saying that because you’ve severely over invited people that unfortunately plus ones will not be allowed. Some people won’t come if they’re plus one cabt come. Easy
Don’t un-invite guests! When you were planning the party, why didn’t you think about how many people your place can hold? Do you have a deck, patio, or something outside? That would be a good overflow. It almost always happens that a certain percentage of people invited to a party don’t show up. I doubt if everyone will be there. Anyway, so, maybe it’s crowded? Not that big of a deal. Halloween is still a month away, so don’t stress about it too much. About 4-5 days before the party, if you’re still anxious about this you could contact the invitees and just give them a heads up that it may be crowded. Make sure you let them know that you’re looking forward to seeing them, so they don’t take it as an “un-invitation.” Have fun!
You can’t. Not everyone will show up anyway
i feel like someone did this to me before. we´re not friends anymore. it´s kinda trash to univite someone tbh. ur at fault for not planning this out right
Hmmm, I dunno but I’m pretty sure there are plenty of Disney/Nick shows that covered this scenario.
There isn’t any polite way to uninvite a person to your party.
Cancel the party
I always invite 30-40% more people to a party than I want coming. You can generally never expect everyone to show up, especially not simultaneously. People have lives. That many schedules just never actually synchronize. If, by some stochastic catastrophe, they manage to, some people will leave early of their own accord until party equilibrium is attained. But there’s no way to uninvite people to a party without hurting feelings. Sorry, bud.
You’re being a bit of a dick bro, and I’m guessing this party is this weekend? Killing their plans? Suck it up, it was your mistake
Don’t do it unless you are cool with them thinking a lot less of you from here on out. Find a creative way to accommodate or cancel it. Don’t punk out buddies because you made a shitty planning error homie.
uninvite all or uninvite none
That’s like blatantly letting someone know their presence is less valuable than others, as you would’ve clearly had to choose who you wanted and who was a little “meh whatever if they come or not.” Personally, id be pretty pissed as the friend and would absolutely not be inviting you to anything moving forward. It seems trivial, but could mean the world to someone. Imagine if that person is depressed and they’re banking on this social outting to remind them their presence is valued and necessary and then you’re like mmmm nope? You most definitely wouldn’t be missed, so much so that I’m being preemptive about it!
Bruh, just no.
They won’t all show. People never all show up. All the people who say they come, probably about half actually will. A few more might pop in for a minute and leave. It’ll be fine.
OP, as someone who has not been included most of her life, and bullied.
I have never been popular and getting invited to a party is a privilege to me. This is very rude and quite frankly I think you should know what it feels like to be uninvited to something.
DO NOT UNINVITE PEOPLE. It’s rude af and even if these 3 people aren’t friends with your other friends, they’ll be sure to tell *their* friends, who will tell their friends… and eventually, one way or another, the news will make its way to your friends. Some of them will likely be disgusted that you did something like this. They may outright refuse to be friends with you anymore because they don’t want assholes in their lives.
Seriously, DO NOT UNINVITE ANYONE!
Get a RSVP list and send out the following message:
“Hey everyone! We just realized we have invited WAYY more people than we can actually accommodate, so we’re asking everyone to please RSVP if you’re coming. Please do NOT RSVP unless you are 100000% sure you are showing up, as we may need to cap the number of people we can handle. Guest list is first come first serve!”
Then get your closest friends early access. Once it’s full, well, it’s their fault they didn’t RSVP in time.
A lot of ppl bail out last minute on parties. You’re prolly fine with the amount you invited. Let us know how it goes!