Genuinely curious since I’m always the single one. Is it jealousy, pity, concern, etc?

26 comments

  1. You forgot being envious of their freedom.

    You can come and go as you like. You can stop spontaneously stop at the movies after work without making phone calls or arrangements. If you want to let the housecleaning lapse, you can. If you want to come home and not talk, nobody gets on your case.

  2. I care about my friend’s relationship status as much as I care what kind of socks they wear (IE, not at all because it doesn’t affect me).

  3. i am single and jealous of them, dating is lonely. I bet they pity me too, its nice to belong to a person

    but at the same time, if i want to do something i do it, no leaving when my wife wants to leave or any of that

  4. Envy of the ones that appear happy.

    Ranking happiness:
    1. Happy in relationship
    2. Being single = feeling average in relationship
    3. Being miserable in relationship

    Imo

  5. I feel sorry for them generally. I do think there is something to having your own freedom. But fuck being lonely your whole life.

  6. The grass always looks greener on the other side. Unfortunately, color of the grass is an illusion

  7. I’m married, my wife and I have a son and a dog, and I have a couple friends that I’m sure will be lifelong bachelors by choice. If they’re happy, then I’m absolutely happy for them. If anything I think it would be terribly weird to be anything less. Single friends that want to be in a relationship? Same. Not jealous, I just hope they figure out one day and are happy at the moment.

    If this is the flip side of that question, I’m not envious of anybody else’s life. We all have different lives, different things going on. Different isn’t bad. I enjoy spending time with my small family, I mean sure some might be like OH, but wouldn’t you like a nicer car or a dream vacation every year instead of road trips with a teenager and dog? Nope, this is perfect for me.

  8. Aside from being jealous of their freedom sometimes not much changes. I also have a family waiting for me at home. I’m ok never being lonely.

  9. I’m in my mid 40s and my wife and I have been together for almost twenty years. I’m very thankful to have found her, and know how lucky I am.

    I have several friends ive known since we were teenagers that it just never happened for. They’ve rarely ever dated (though they want to), and will likely go through their entire lives alone, and sad about it. The male version of old maids.

    I’ve thought often about how if I didn’t meet my wife at the right time and place, I might have suffered the same fate.

  10. It depends on what their desires are. I have two close friends that are perpetually single, in opposite schemes.

    One isn’t single by choice. He’s a good dude on paper with no baggage, fit, good career, great guy to be around, but he struggles with meeting the right one. He desperately wants to find the right person and my wife and I don’t know any single women to throw at him. I feel bad for him.

    I have another friend whose basically a Clooney. He is very handsome, and suave, and often has a new girl every week. He doesn’t want commitment. He wants to just party and be a slut for the foreseeable future. I don’t feel bad for him, because that’s his choice. I sometimes envy his freedom, but I love having someone to go home to every day that’s just my person. I’m lucky enough to have a good marriage.

  11. I don’t think of them any differently than my other friends.

    I hope each of my friends finds happiness. Some people are happy alone, some are happy in a relationship. Some are miserable alone, others miserable in a relationship.

    There are times I envy my single friends and their freedom, and there are times I feel so lucky to have a wife and a baby and can’t imagine not having this.

    If you are sad, then I will have empathy. But you are out doing you, then no reason to have pity or concern or anything

  12. I definitely think that the complete freedom is nice and am jealous of it. Want to start a new career? Move to a new place? Are you completely content exactly where you are in life? There’s nobody to tell you that you can’t do that or that it’s not good enough. You’re beholden to nobody but your own imagination.

    On the flip side, I wouldn’t give my wife up to have that. I appreciate what she brings to my life too much.

  13. As long as they’re happy, and not bitch about them not having a stable relationship, there’s no issue whatsoever.

  14. Mostly sympathy. Modern dating sounds like an exhausting nightmare. I married my high school sweetheart and never had to get on tinder or whatever, and every time I hear a dating story from a friend my heart goes out to them and I’m thankful I’m not ‘playing the game’ anymore.

  15. As married father, there is a mixture of feelings. First there is envy. Not jealousy. Envy for the freedom that the single life can bring. However, knowing what I have now, the relationships and precious moments, the feeling of envy disappears. I am.not lonely and I have little people who love me for me unconditonally. Hard to beat that feeling.

  16. Female so I am probably more interested in our friend’s relationship status than my husband is, but we do talk about it sometimes.

    I’m gonna go with all of the above?

    Obviously there’s a certain jealousy in terms of freedom and keeping all your money to yourself (in comparison to someone with a family.)

    But there is definitely a lot of pity too as the single ones don’t seem overly happy being alone. It’s not really the same as when you’re young and you have a bunch of friends to party and hang out with.

    One of them had a health scare where he ended up passing out in his kitchen, smashing his head and being woken up by his dog licking his face. He had to use Alexa to call for help because he couldn’t get up. Then had surgery and had to recover in the hospital and then at home all by himself. He has since started dating someone I’m 99% certain he would have made fun of 5 years ago, both physically and personality wise. She’s very much not his “type”, and her personality kind of sucks. He’s changed himself to fit with her (like I’m pretty sure she has never even seen or knows about certain sides of him), and it feels like I’ve lost my friend, not because he’s gone anywhere, but just because he acts like a different person, and he’s not very fun anymore.

    Another single guy we know did have a girlfriend and I never even met her but mutual friends say she was alright. Fun, had her shit together, etc. however, it was really out of character for him to be able to stay with someone that long without cheating on them or breaking up with them, and then he moved her in which was extremely surprising. However, he was still his normal self, so mostly we were just happy for him to have found someone. Then he randomly broke up with her (and cheated on her too in the end but I don’t think she knows that) and gave a really lame excuse for why he was kicking her out. He has always struggled with the fact that he WANTS a girlfriend, but finds them annoying to be around all the time. I think he would be happiest to have a girlfriend who has her own life (her own house, job, etc.) who he just sees 3 days a week but obviously most women eventually want more than that. Also life is expensive, so this hot, single woman with the awesome career who has her own house and her own investments, etc. is probably harder to find. Maybe in a few years when some hot woman divorces her husband and gets half of his shit, he will find what he’s looking for lol. He has always had this fear of losing all his stuff to a woman. So there’s an element of jealousy for that one because he’s attractive and makes good money, and just lives his life the way he wants to. There’s still an element of pity though, because he gets all these hobbies and goes all in on them. Like buys all the equipment, really focuses all his time and attention, his whole house gets taken over with his hobbies. It’s just kind of weird, and makes you think something is missing from his life, but he hasn’t found the right person and he’s not going to settle (which is maybe more admirable than the friend who settled for someone who completely changed him.)

  17. Sometimes I envy my single friends and the freedom to just go out every weekend and meet new random girls. But then I think back to when I was single doing that and remember it wasn’t that great most of the time (until those certain nights it was great) and how I was always wishing I had a girl to be with. So yes and no.

  19. Sometimes jealous over freedom they have but squander. Like you can get on a plane and go anywhere during the weekend. But instead you waste the time.

  20. There is a lot of aspects of being single that I miss and am jealous of. But not in a heavy serious way.

    I think I tend to assume they’re a lot more flexible than me when it comes to scheduling though.

  21. not that concerned. Slightly jealous, but not really. After a while, its just another girl

    I do see that they have so many options. They also don’t need much to keep going. Marriage is heavy

  22. would not really give it any thought since someone elses relationships aren’t my business. This is hypothetical however as I have no friends.

  24. They might feel jealous of a single guy if they’re in a bad marriage, but not if they’re in a good one. They might feel concern if you’ve expressed a desire be in a relationship, but not if that isn’t what you want. Your friends just want you to be happy, and that can look different to different people.

  25. I don’t think anything one way or the other based on someone’s marital status. The world is a lot nicer when you don’t assess people.

  26. if they’re looking to find someone, i’m concerned they’ll find a good one.

    that’s about the only way i think of them differently.

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