When we first started dating (it’s been around 4-5 months), her kids were taken away by social services. It’s a long story but she got screwed over by the social workers and her previous partners.
Since we started dating, I’ve helped her get back on her feet, taking her out and generally enjoy life again and it’s been great. I love this woman. Over the last 2-3 months I’ve been pushing her to get a job so she has to stop relying on the goverment to live and so we can go out and generally have more fun together.
Now shes found out one of her exes has lot parental rights and this would give her the oppurtunity to get one of her kids back. Shes abandoned looking for a job now and is solely attempting to get her kid back.
I understand why, but realistically, I feel she should keep on the job search as well as it’s a good backup plan and theres potential she could do both. The kids at an age where she could do small shifts inbetween dropping him at nursery or so on.
Overall, I’m just a bit upset about the situation, I’m so happy for her, and I would never argue against her getting her kid back, but I’m worried how this will affect us. I’m already feeling like the relationship is a bit one sided, I pay for a lot as she struggles (I’ve never minded as she assured me she was job hunting) but if shes dropping job hunting and being a single parent full time, I don’t see how we’ll work in the future.
Also, I’m really not interested in being a step parent or just generally being around kids, and our lazy weekends, sporadic trips, going out and about, will be essentially over because she’ll have the kid constantly.
So overall, I’m just not sure what to do. Do I just stick it out and see if things work? Do I end it now and basically explain I’m not interested in being with someone with a kid/not actively looking for or working? Relationship wise, everything works. She gets me more than anyone I’ve known before but just refuses to take responsilibity and work and I’m just getting to the end of my thether about it.
Side note: I’m also worried about the fallout if we were to breakup, I’m worried she’d fall off the deepend if we did split, she relys on me a lot.
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TLDR: Met GF when she had no kids, kid might be coming back into her life, shes dropped job hunting and I’m worried about how this will affect how our future, I just don’t see one.
4 comments
This sounds very messy
Few things. You can never come between her kids there are and always should be priority.
If she can’t find work and isn’t willing to try she will only become more of a burden.
She needs to meet your needs too it sounds like you love her but you can’t be her support system financially emotionally and as an equal partner. Either she steps up and u help or you move on
To be honest this doesn’t sound like a sustainable relationship- with or without the child. She hasn’t been able to sort herself out as far as supporting herself (fully or partially) in nearly half a year. That doesn’t seem like someone who is fully motivated. And you’re not interested in being with someone who has kids. Maybe if you’d met before she had kids things would be different but she has them and that’s not going to change- unless of course she gives up her rights to them, but would you want to be with someone willing to do that?
I couldn’t be with a person like this, if you stay… Good luck.
I have no idea why you gave her a shot in the first place, 23 years old with multiple baby daddies, she lost custody and is unemployed? This girl is a mess. Also you knew she had kids, she was always a mother so why if you’re not interested in being a stepparent would you go out with her?
You did not think this through and I have to wonder if you have a saviour complex or something to willingly get involved with someone who’s life was this much of a mess. Break up, you’re not compatible. Date other child free people from now on.