I (30m) want to break up with my girlfriend (28f) but I don’t know how because I feel like I’m bursting a bubble. She ignores my concerns and to her everything is perfect between us.

25 comments

1. you tried to talk, she doesnt want to listen. send a text message and be done with it.

2. My dude, you have never met this girl.

   I don’t mean to seem harsh, but this is not even a real relationship. This is you tying yourself in knots for someone who is just using you for positive attention. Gather your dignity and make an exit.

3. She’s using you for attention. Tbh you don’t owe her anything in terms of an explanation because what she’s doing stringing you along like this is evil.

   Personally I’d block her on all forms of social media and put her in your rear view mirror.

4. Just read your other posts – how do you even know she’s not a catfish?

   The relationship is imaginary if you haven’t even facetimed, let alone met her.

   “She” is probably a catfish and is doing this to either help their self esteem or for money (if not already then eventually). It makes no sense that they wouldnt want to facetime or meet you otherwise.

   Who cares if they make you out to be the “bad guy” if you dump them – to who will they make this out to? It’s not like you have mutual friends or even their phone number. I think you should just dump them, block them, and then that gives you the space and time to go meet a woman who will actually meet up with you etc. This person is wasting your precious time.
   Your message can say anything tbh – “this relationship isn’t for me anymore, goodbye.” Honestly you don’t owe this person anything.

5. You are not bursting a bubble. You are seeking your happiness while also teaching her a great life lesson. Don’t worry so much about her immediate reaction as much as the long term effects.

6. Just rip the band aid off. Call her or message her and be brief and honest:

   “This relationship isn’t working for me any more, so I’m ending things. Please do not contact me, I do not want to remain friends.”

   Or the equivalent words…

7. I’ve read your first post too of some days ago.
   You do really need our external points of view because what I can see is that you are so absorbed into this bubble that you are tolerating a lot of red flags and missing things as “normal” and acceptable only because they came slowly bit by bit and now you’re full inside the situation to be able to see it from outside.
   From outside, this looks entirely bad: first you forgiven her for cheating. And you should learn that when someone cheats, will cheat in the future too at some point, a cheater just won’t change because it’s not about you or the circumstance, it’s about their perception of you vs their importance and lack of responsibility sense. You may say she met her boyfriend when you broke up, but how does this breakup have any relevance? You both didn’t even have the time to process the closure, you broke up only for some days then went back together, which simply means she wanted to try again with her ex freely while keeping you as a second choice in case it goes wrong, and she succeeded. Very ugly and disrespectful, you shouldn’t have compromised your dignity there. How is it not disrespectful that as soon as you breakup with your boyfriend you contact instantly your ex and then have even the courage to recontact the current boyfriend back? That’s pathetic.
   Second, you are wasting 9 months of the best time of your life (which I assume is around your 30s) to invest time and mental resources in someone who doesn’t put any effort to make it real and manages to keep you glued through loving sentences you believe into. She is manipulating you in being her safe choice while still obsessing about her ex (or even having affairs with him), this is what happens. All the comforts for this princess, right? She is an adult person too, not a kid or someone with severe disability, she holds the -same- responsibilities as yours in this relationship. Not getting consolation for not taking her responsibilities, this is freak stuff you end up doing only in situations like these that you can’t see from outside anymore.
   What you should do here is giving her an ultimatum. You set a date to meet. She must follow along. No matter any shit she has in life, she must find time for that day, to meet. You meet at half distance, you decide the city. If she doesn’t keep up with this, finds excuses, says she cannot because something happened, etc, you do NOT accept that, she either meets you at half distance, or the relationship ends. She will cry and all of that princess bullshit, let her do that because that’s what she deserves.
   She is not your girlfriend, you don’t have even her number or home address… This is not what a girlfriend of 9 months is. You are a comfy sofa to sit onto while she has a dinner with her ex. So you either make things real, or stop playing her games, whatever excuses she has. 9 months of excuses, she is still not taking any responsibility over all the bollocks she said.
   You may be afraid to lose her but you are losing what she is now, not what she “could be”. What you are loving now is the idea of what she could be in real life if she becomes available, you aren’t loving anything of the current situation, but this is actually what you are going to lose. You lose the fantasy too, but that’s indeed a fantasy. In practice you’re losing something that is not so worthy at the current status, and gaining in freedom, mental health and self respect.

8. “It’s not me, it’s you. Now make like a rabbit in a hat and disappear.”

   Then just do you, you’ll be happier. If you don’t have one, get you a dog. They are loyal and love you right.

9. Dawg. This barely qualifies as a relationship (when taking your other posts in consideration).

   How exactly did you get roped into this.. thing where the person you are supposedly dating wont even permit any form of live visual communication let alone meet?

   Im not trying to be harsh but damn.

10. You are 30 waiting over 9 months to even meet her in person? Surely the situation makes no sense but break it off and go find you a girl that’ll be worth your time. Sure you can call this a relationship but it’s really not.

11. My dude you have never met her. Just block her on all socials and job done. 30 is nowhere near too old to start over again with someone else!

12. How are you 30 and falling for this? She hasn’t even FaceTimed you. For all we know she could be a catfish. Dude just break up with her.

13. Wait y’all really haven’t met in person? What are you paying for in her life because it sounds like you’re just a pocket book for her. You just need to text her “it’s over” and block her and remove anything you’re paying for on her behalf from your account. If you really want to say something to give yourself an ounce of closure tell her you understand you’re the perfect boyfriend but she’s a terrible match for you and you wish her well in her future.

14. You never met her? Man break up with this chick🤦🏾‍♀️

15. Listen, You have to be okay with being the a**hole sometimes. You have to be okay with being the villain in someone else’s story. We can’t dictate the way someone perceives us. It’s okay for her to hate you. It’s okay to not want that but at the end of the day, you’re only human. She is a fully grown adult who can manage her own feelings, whatever they are. It’s not your responsibility to manage them.

    Also, are we absolutely *certain* you’re not being catfished? How much digging have you done online about this person? Reverse image searched? Because it’s highly suspicious she refuses to meet after 9 months and says she wants to marry you. My internal alarms are going off at this

16. A lot of people seem to be saying she’s cheating in your previous posts but it sounds like it could be a catfish situation. If youve never video or voice called her or even only very rarely, she could be someone completely different from who she’s claiming to be.

    If you’re emotionally invested, confront her with the fact that her refusing to show you she’s a real person or discuss your relationship seriously is a deal breaker and it’s over unless she can do xyz (whatever you need for this to be worth it).

    Otherwise, I’d cut your losses and just tell her you’re done.

17. Hey man not to sound like an A hole but I was looking at all your recent posts they are all over the place. You say you don’t even have her number but you guys FaceTime everyday? Then in another post you say she won’t call you or FaceTime you? I’m confused. It sounds like you are being catfished though. She is manipulating you, I would block her and do some self care. It’s gonna hurt but this is saving you from being hurt more down the road.

18. brooo you haven’t even met her i’m sorry but you’ll get over this faster than you think just end it

19. Homeboy, she’s married (or same as) and has a life. You’re a distraction like a video game. Stop letting her mash your buttons.

    This is madness. You are 30 years old. How did you let yourself become so deluded? You can build a house in Sims but you know while you’re doing it that you can’t actually live there. This whole thing is no more real than a house built in Minecraft this just took a lot less effort.

    You’ve made multiple posts about this. You’ve heard a cacophony of voices tell you to end this sham of a cat fish deludedship. You keep talking about your feelings and you need to stop. This relationship has never existed. The person doesn’t exist. It’s all in your head. You can’t have a relationship with something in your head anymore than Ed Norton’s character could have an actual fistfight with Tyler Durden. Stop being a sad sack. Stop hoping for the turd sandwich your eating to suddenly transform into something palatable.

20. I have somewhat been in your shoes once with a guy who played hot and cold with me and would ignore me for weeks at the time and only come crawling with nice words and promises when he sensed I was pulling away. People like them want you to be desperate and in pain for them. They get off on knowing that your every waking moment is spent worrying about the relationship and being in a near constant panicked state because of them. They’ll only throw you a bone once you start coming to your senses and decide to leave. It’s abusive behavior and you need to get out of that bs immediately. When I finally cut myself free from my leech, he immediately flipped on a dime and started calling me all sorts of things and harassing me until I blocked him. Truly pathetic manlet.

    So, expect some abuse when you cut off your leech. Don’t believe a single word she says. The pleading is fake, the anger is fake. It’s all fake. People like them don’t care about you. You are a fix to their ego.

    The lucky thing in your case is that you haven’t ever met the girl, so you can just block her and go on your merry way, but you need to cut yourself loose emotionally. You are the only person in the way of you getting your freedom right now. She has no power. She’s a loser.

21. I thought this post was written by a teenager but OP is 30. Sorry OP

22. There isn’t an actual relationship.

    She’s not even going to notice or care.

    I’m sorry.

23. You never met her.

    Boy if you dont hurry up and end this online ego boosting friendship.

24. I read a little of your history. I’ve volunteered with an anti- scamming group to warn and advise victims of scammers for several years. I gave up because many people want to stay delusional and not believe they could fall for something like that.

    Dude, she’s a catfish. An online romance scammer. These people ARE real people who scam people for money and gift cards, phones, and other gifts. You FaceTimed with her, that doesn’t mean anything at all. Some scammers present themselves live on camera, but she is doing this love bombing thing to probably 50 other guys at the same time as you. When you break up watch how the sweet angelic attitude will change quickly. I hope you didn’t send her anything.

25. Cut the cord quickly, BLOCK HER EVERYWHERE, and move on. This is not a relationship, it’s an unhealthy fantasy.