I’m 21F, he’s 25M, and we’ve been together for 3 years.

Now with those details out of the way, sometimes he’ll ask if Ive finished. (Don’t wanna spell it out in case of kids here.)

Usually I just say “doesn’t matter” or “I’m not telling you in a joking way” bc I don’t wanna say no since it might hurt his feelings.

I don’t really care about finishing anyway, so it doesn’t bother me that I haven’t with him, but I know it will bother him if I tell him no. I don’t want to lie either bc if I say yes then it’ll crush him if he finds out I was lying all along.

What do I say? I can’t say “it doesn’t matter” anymore bc he’s starting to suspect that it’s codeword for “no.”

Tl;dr – BF keeps asking if I finished but I don’t wanna lie or tell the truth either.

15 comments

  1. Explain to him that you enjoy sexual activity with him, but it generally does not lead to an orgasm, and you are fine with that as that isn’t why you engage in sexual activity. Either he accepts you as you are and respects your views or there are bigger problems. And let him know it makes you uncomfortable when he asks about it.

  2. If you’re not honest, he won’t actually know what pleases you. Don’t you deserve fulfillment, too?

  4. girl you have to tell him the truth. how else is he gonna learn? i understand that you don’t want to hurt him, but it’ll be hurting him even more if you keep lying or beating around the bush. honesty lasts longer, and honesty can also give him more motivation to probably try harder! i’ll usually say «no, i didn’t finish but it’s okay. i rarely do»

  5. it’s a yes or no question. you tell him the truth, and either you explain to him what he can do to help you finish, or you tell him that you don’t care about finishing and you love the things he does.

  8. Girl, you’re young – I’ll try to say this in the least offensive way possible. You’ve still got a lot of shit to learn in life, no fault of your own.

    One of these things is that you should *never* feel the need to question whether you should tell your partner the truth.

    If you do there’s a major issue that needs to be addressed.

    Find someone that you don’t hesitate to embrace honesty with.

  9. By lying or remaining silent, you are teaching him how NOT to satisfy you.

    You are enabling this.

    The best thing here is to tell him with kindness the next time you’re out on a date or alone not being intimate. Let him know you want to be honest but aren’t sure how to ask for what you need physically.

    Instead of focusing on what he does wrong, let him know the things you enjoy and encourage him to do more of that or give him some suggestions on other ways he can approach you.

  10. Well that’s just it you say your happy in your relationship with him . But your only 21 .wait for a couple more years and you won’t want to even have him touch you because your going to feel like its a job you have to do for him and get nothing for it so what Will happen he will be so frustrated by that time it’s going to start arguments. So tell him why turns you on have fun while you can and enjoy it to the best there is you only live once make it epic. Hell when me and my woman are finished I would never say anything like that bc I already know she did most of the time you just take 10 minutes to breath again and and fall asleep not even move .

  11. If I ask someone that I want them to be honest so that I can either say 1. Hell yea cool, or 2. Ok lemme try something different she might like

  14. Be honest, if he is asking he wants you to enjoy it as well. He also can’t do anything to help if you shut him out on the matter. If he starts to feel like he isn’t satisfying you, that’s going to cause deeper issues as well.

  15. I would be honest and say no and maybe explain why you didn’t finish. He clearly cares and wants you to finish, and maybe it’s making him a little anxious that he’s not doing *the job*.

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