I’d(M31) been dating my GF(F33) for close to 2 years when I got her pregnant. Since we had been friends for years before hand, it didn’t feel weird when I asked her to move in and my parents were ok with it.
The approval of my parents was important because the house we’re were living belongs to my dad. To sum up the house’s history, at one point it was three generations of us all living under it but bit by bit the only ones left were me and my Grandma. I was a teenager when dad finally got his own place and it was decided that I should stay to keep Grandma company and help around.
Fast forward to my mid-20s, Grandma passed away, dad inherited the house but we have a quiet agreement that I’d pay the bills, yearly taxes and any fixing that needs done in exchange for not paying rent. My siblings have jobs in different cities so they don’t figure into it. My parents have warned me if there ever strapped for cash they will use this house to take out a loan or outright sell it.
With that said, I obviously always planned in moving out and have been saving with that in mind. I’m confident than in a few years I can put a down payment on a decent house. Nothing fancy but it’ll be mine and I won’t have to spend my entire life under the same freaking roof.
My GF on the other hand says she doesn’t want to ”downgrade” just for the ”sake of it”. She’s obviously happy that we’re living in a large 4 bedroom house rent free, and thinks me wanting to move out is just misplaced pride.
My parents aren’t really pushy or nosy, but they do pop in 2 or 3 times a week unannounced since the backyard shed is basically their storage room, when family comes to visit, me and my gf are expected to be their hosts as they stay with us and of course we can’t make any major changes to the house.
Nothing earth shattering but its all the more reason than I’m ready to live in my own place even if its smaller and less grand. I’ve mentioned it a few times and my gf just scrunches up her nose at the idea. Even threw out a comment about that our child who’s close to being 3 years old will hate moving to a smaller place if we do it when she’s 6-7 years old because by then she would have gotten used to this house.
Instead she’s pressuring me to go 50/50 with my dad in buying a large lot that a friend of my dad is willing to sell him at a reduced price. My dad said he has no plans on doing anything with the lot and just thinks its a good asset to have at the price he can get it but can’t afford it entirely on his own. If I do that, I’d still be attached at the hip to my parents but to my gf that’s a minor concern.
3 comments
I don’t understand your gf’s thought process. Maybe she just likes living in a nice, free, big home. I’m with you and definitely think you should buy your own place, even if it is smaller.
Owning a smaller home isn’t a downgrade to living on someone else’s property. Honestly, your parents kind of sound like a lot. Two to three times a week unannounced is a lot.
And that’s unlikely to change if you go in with your father on that land. You’ll, again, be unable to do what you want to do because he will need to give his permission. In your thirties, you just don’t need that.
Get out from underneath their (I’m sure well-intentioned) wing and spend YOUR money as YOU see fit. Get your own property that YOU control. Your girlfriend and child can, and will, adapt. They’re not going to be missing out on anything by having increased security.
I personally agree with the gf in the sense that, you have a good, safe living space and you’re able to save money. The kid matters not, really, she’ll be fine if you move, that’s bs. And pressuring you into investments is ofc not okay.
In your shoes, I’d likely stay put and be on a lookout for a good deal.
I know my advice reads as, stay where you are, in my opinion you have a good thing going, don’t let your need to be out on your own make you miserable, there is no shame in using what’s available to you. But also, don’t get pressured into things, your gf should not be doing that. Have an honest conversation with her about it. It should be a debate, she does have a say since her life is very much tied to yours but she ultimately doesn’t get to decide and she should not push you. The best result would be for you two to hash it out and make a decision together.