so basically as this goes, my friend group I’ve made in college I’ve known them for almost a month now they said that they cant add me to the group chat because I use Android they all use iOS but we had already solved this problem by me making the group chat like 2 weeks ago but today I see them all giggling in a different group chat in class, one I’m not in. I’m not sure if I did anything wrong I thought we were getting along fine? what can I do change this from happening
8 comments
if they excluding you then move on theres loads of people in the world you can find another friend group
These people are not your friends
I understand you want people to text/invite/hang out with you. But in order for people to do that, they have to have a strong reason to do so. That comes from the quality of interactions you have had with them in person in the past. Do you talk to these people in person ? How have your interactions been with them ? Do you ask them questions and listen to what they say ? Do you answer their questions and do so confidently ? Do you bring positive vibes to your social interactions and do you leave people with positive impressions of yourself ? People notice the way you act and carry yourself around them. They take into account your self confidence and the vibes you give off.
There are verbal and nonverbal cues that signal to people you lack confidence and give off negative vibes. These are some of the tell tale signs. One is you text people way more than they text you. You probably text them everyday (or some high frequency), when they don’t even do the same to you. You’re probably sending them paragraphs, while they are sending you one word answers or sentences. Or you’re that person that emotionally reacts and confronts people when they don’t respond to you for whatever reason. People know when you are attached to them. Remember that friendships are not codependent relationships. You need to be living a separate life outside of your friends and not be depending so much on your friends for their time, attention, validation, reassurance, or approval. The truth is people are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness, clinginess, and desperation.
People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. Do you have skills, talents, or hobbies that can impact people ? Offer to help people in some aspect of life. People respect those kinds of things. Even if you can’t directly impact people, they will still respect you because you are actively doing something in life besides just socialization. Chase excellence, not people !
If they wanted to have you in their social messaging group, they would have kept the conversation going in the chat you created. I was in your position about 5 years ago. Some friends i made during university had a group chat and I was always the one left out of it or they barely used the chat I was included in. I tried making it work and creating group chats through multiple apps just in hopes it would work out and I would be included too. They never bothered to include me. Later on i would watch videos they would post to social media out at the club and I was always told ” we thought you were in that chat!” Multiple times. I ended up cutting those friends off and making other friends who were interested in including me. Looking back 5 years later, they weren’t really friends to begin with. My advice to you is don’t be dependent on this friend group, find a group or friends that want and look forward to including you and having your presence there. If it’s been a month and you’re noticing it, it’s a good time to cut your losses and move on
Drop it. They are dickheads and don’t want to interact with you. Look for others to spend time with and don’t let them live rent free in your head.
These aren’t your friends, it sounds like they’re ostracizing you while trying to avoid confrontation and consequences. That’s never a good feeling. I’m sorry you’re around garbage people. I’ve been there before, and it hurts.
I would probably find new friends.
What might be happening is either they’re all inconsiderate dicks, or one person doesn’t want you in the group chat and that person has influence/seniority in the group so people just go with it.
I’ve been in a few groups over the years… There’s always politics, cliques, and drama.
Another negative about groups is eventually we all get older and everyone does not make it. They don’t all become happy/successful, or develop drug/alcohol issues, or die. It happened to my high school group, and it tends to keep people in your life past the relationships expiration date. Toxic people will use your history to keep them around even after they no longer provide any value to you, or take away from you.
Recognizing bad behavior or lack of connection is important, if you can’t cut people out early, certain people will linguer. Whether it’s early with these people, or new people you end up knowing for a decade.
Just focus on you and be the shit and more good friends will come. Who knows, you could start a new group and find people you like and branch out.
It’s time to find some new friends because that is a major red flag. Also you don’t need to endure the exclusion, trying to get into the group and appealing to them will only damage your self-esteem for no good reason. Move on.