I’m a 19 year old guy and I got myself a job last January, I want to go to University, some extra money will help my parents with the University taxes. I met this 33 year old woman at work, we instantly made friends for some reason.
I really liked her immediately, she’s really quite beautiful and elegant, she looks angelic. I kind of hit on her, she rejected me because of my age, which is okay. This is a little complicated, but I’ll explain it in the easiest way: I couldn’t understand why, but I really wanted an older woman, and this preference only changed because of her. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, my parents are a total mess in every way and it’s a miracle that I’m a functional person (I have a normal life: I’m a student, I have a girlfriend, I have friends, I have a job, no mental issues or traumas etc.)
This woman turned me down, she literally said ”I could almost be your mum, sorry”, but she kept on being friendly after she rejected me, now we have a very nice friendship. She shows a lot of care, she always makes sure I’m doing good, she likes talking to me. She basically treats me like I’m her little brother. I’ve realised I don’t really want an older woman as a partner, I was subconsciously looking for an older sister, an aunt or something like that. I’ve never had an older person in my life and I really need that. I still find her beautiful, she’s objectively a 9, but… it’s a very platonic attraction. If she wanted to be my girlfriend, I’d turn her down. I want her to be my big sister. She knows it and she seems to enjoy it and she puts effort into our friendship. I have a terrible relationship with my parents, they only support me financially because I’m their son, but our relationship has always been terrible. I have male friends, we have fun together, but they’re guys and most of the time they just want to act tough and cool. Whenever I need a hug, advice or a deep conversation, I just keep going back to her.
I’m not looking for approval.. just opinions.. do you think this kind of relationship I want inappropriate? Sometimes I feel I shouldn’t treat a stranger like family and I’m afraid she could walk out of my life at any moment, but she seems to understand what I need/want and the things she does make me trust her.
TL;DR I’ve met this older woman who is like a sister to me and I need that kind of figure in my life because my family is a mess. I’m not sure this is okay though
4 comments
This is totally normal and you’re self aware enough to be comfortable. Hang out with her! For similar-ish reasons I always wind up with older female friends,my half sis I grew up with is 13 years older than me, I do wind up finding some of them beautiful (tho there is never sexual attraction on my end) but more so strong women I admire (my sis was heavily invested in academia). I am currently in school so these older women are important to me.
I know my boyfriend similarly did the same with some of his best of friend/s. She’s a hilariously wonderful woman with a gregarious personality and so, so beautiful. She’s now married and checks in on him asking about his hobbies, work or school, and she’s never crossed the line. She’s also the same with me and everybody she meets so it’s very normal to me that they meshed. He’s also oh so social and funky lol.
I hope you the best and all the comforts of an older friend/sibling op 🙂
Edit: I feel like I should add my bf has had relationships where his girlfriend has a problem with this lady, I knew her before hand and came into this relationship loving her already. I’d say just reassure any partners of yours if they need it but don’t tolerate false/blind accusations because likely this lady will be your friend long after anyways.
The way you’re adding the family component sounds like you’re using that as a reason to accept the rejection. You used a lot of descriptions of her attractiveness but nothing about what you’re getting from a real friendship. There is nothing wrong with having an older friend and mentor. The way you seem to be going about here though comes off a bit creepy.
Honestly sounds somewhat unhealthy. Sounds like you are very attracted to her so her acting like a sister doesn’t work out. May be time to seek therapy to figure out how to solve and/or cope with your issues.
First, your workplace isn’t the place to be hitting on people. You need to learn to act more professionally.
And honestly, I think you are still interested in her. You’re not ready to just be friends.