Everytime I invite one of my cousins over for dinner she usually brings her husband. One thing I noticed is that when getting ready to eat, he’ll tell her which foods he wants her to put for him and how much juice he wants in his cup. If she puts too much/too little of something he gets upset. I’ve noticed this from some of my other friends too. They’re in their late 20s, so they’re not old.

I’m curious to know if this is something that men usually expect of their SO’s or maybe my friends have just married very traditional type men?

Edit: For some people wondering, they both work full-time and they don’t have kids. We’re all Americans.

39 comments

  3. She usually brings me a plate when she cooks, but I leave it up to her if she wants to make her plate or have me make it and bring it to her when I cook.

  4. expect, no. but i sure like it when she does, especially when i’m really tired.

    of course i’m happy to do the same for her when she asks me to. or just because i feel like being nice 🙂

    i had lots of italian friends growing up, and their moms taught their daughters to always serve everyone at the table and clean up after everyone. they found it annoying, but they’d never dare complain or they’d get smacked.

  6. No, but she’ll bring me food if I ask, or she’ll bring me food without asking, and I do the same for her.

  7. I’d say they are traditional men and kind of rude too. They already cooked, least I can do is serve myself like a proper adult, and then wash the dishes after. Most of the time I’m the one cooking so if anything I serve her. No one is your servant.

  8. Seriously? No. Sometimes she made dinner and she does, sometimes I make dinner then I do, and sometimes we eat at different times and we fetch our own.

    If I “expected” that my wife would think I was out of my mind.

  9. Not married, but nope.
    If I was married it would be an equal partnership deal as far as I’m concerned.

  10. Not at all. My wife is my partner, not my maid/mother. If she brings me a plate of food and drink, that’s appreciated but not expected. If there’s something not done how i like it, I’ll either ask her nicely to change it or I’ll get up and do it myself.

  13. >and how much juice he wants in his cup

    You sure you’re not confusing husband with young child?

    To answer your question no, this all sounds batshit crazy. The only time I remotely expect my wife to bring me food is if whatever we’re cooking has just finished, and I’m getting the table ready. Then like yeah, I kinda expect her to bring both our food out since i was getting things ready. If the roles were reversed, I’d certainly grab her food and bring it out while she got things ready

  14. Absolutely not. I’m grown, and have enough self-worth where I don’t need to control my wife to keep my ego stroked

  17. Fuck no. I’m an adult, I can get my own food. If I’m sick or she made something without telling me and she wants to be nice, it’s okay. But I don’t expect it whatsoever.

  18. What the heck? Absolutely not. And if she plates food for both of us, because she’s being nice, I sure wouldn’t be ungrateful enough to complain about it.

    Is this really “traditional”? I’ve been around decent humans, and toxic masculinity both, and never even heard of this infantile behavior before.

  19. Expect? No. Appreciate? Absolutely.

    But the MO in my relationship is usually that one surprises the other. Far more sweet and romantic this way. If one of us just ordered the other to do something, I’d lose most if not all of the charme.

  20. If my married friends are any indication, the husbands don’t have as much say in this arrangement. It’s more about controlling/limiting his consumption than it is about being a servant. If he makes the plate, there’s gonna be 6 deviled eggs. If she does it, he only gets 1. He’ll have a heavy pour on the beer, she’ll skim one or two pints off the top through the course of the day.

    I know one of my friend couples does this because she’s concerned for his health. Another I suspect is trying to avoid embarrassment.

  21. I don’t “expect”. I ask her if she wants to do that for me. Just like she asks me to help her when her pc doesn’t work.

  23. No.

    My wife an I are a bit older than most redditors (40’s). We have never had this type of relationship. Sometimes my wife will make me lunch (we both work at home), sometimes I will make her lunch; most days we make our own lunches (If we eat lunch that day)

    Sometimes she will make dinner, sometimes I will make dinner, most of the time we make dinner together. If neither of us are feeling it we eat out out or order in.

    The only expectations we have around food is that at least a few times a year, my wife WILL make her peach cobbler and serve it will BlueBell vanilla ice cream. Other side of that is I WILL smoke meats (BBQ), especially in the summer. Either of us failing to do so is grounds for divorce.

  24. Generally I’m the one cooking, she does the baking, so I’m usually the one serving the family. At this moment my wife is recovering from surgery to repair a torn tendon in her ankle so she’s not anywhere near the kitchen.

    I’ve never been the one to expect dinner on the table and to be served by my wife. During a family (seated) dinner the older children and adults will serve themselves, parents will serve their younger children. Anything else it’s get your own.

  25. No. I make my own plate most of the time, especially because I can be quite particular about how I want it done. That said, my girlfriend offers to do it for me a lot. It’s just one of those things that she really likes doing for me. She even tends to do it more at any get together we go to. I think because we live in the south and it’s not uncommon for other women to judge a girl if she let’s her man make himself a plate. Not saying that it happens all the time, but it does exist in mote traditional communities.

  27. Everytime I think I need to “go work on myself” I come on here and am reminded that some entitled assholes like these are married

  28. Haha, arebyour friends toddlers or what? those marriages are not going to survive exposure to non regressive midwestern fundamentalist circles is what my first thought would be.

  29. I do not expect it, at all.

    matter of fact, I get chased out of the kitchen when I try to make myself a plate of whatever she cooked, sometimes even if I’m just getting a cup of milk for our son. We’re not religious, but she’s a SaHM, and our kid is in elementary school, so maybe she’s just protective of that chore, I don’t know.

  31. Yes and no, I work 12 hours a day. My wife works 7. So when I come home it means a lot to me that she has food ready so I can eat, jump in thee showe, and have time to spend with her. She is also an amazing cook. On my days off or if I am home before her “hey what we doin for dinner Ill go ahead and start. Or what you need me to do? A load of laundry? ok bet.

  35. I am capable of making my own plate. However, bringing me a plate is a small act of service that I appreciate deeply. There’s no expectation though.

  36. Absolutely not. If I am up, I will offer to get her something, if she is up, she will offer to get me something. Nothing is expected in terms of either one of us having to serve the other.

  37. You said these folks are in their “late 20s” and by the description of their behavior, I’m assuming that they’re 20-something MONTHS old. If I’m reading this wrong and we’re talking about years, those aren’t men, those are babies. Or weirdos who think that wives are meant to be servants.

  38. This almost sounds unreal. I’ve got many male friends and they’d all cringe at the very idea.

    That is not the norm.

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