How do I stop giving short answers like (right, ok, mhm, yeah) and actually engage in the conversation

20 comments

  1. Ask a lot of questions. Ask a question that can expand on the topic at hand. If someone says “oh i go to wendys often” you could say “oh cool” or you could say “oh cool, what do u usually order? Have u tried the strawberry frosty yet?” Thats just an example tho. Its actually a lot easier than it seems to ask questions that expand

  2. Active listening skills, like reflections, summaries, etc., Are a good way to navigate conversations.

  3. Prioritize whatever they are saying by level of interest. Take the most interesting thing they said and ask open ended insightful questions.

  4. Try to picture what they are talking about. Ask for more details about anything that is blank or fuzzy.

  5. Are you interested in those conversations? Curious about what they are talking to you about?

    If you do (that’s the 1st step because faking interest is not something I recommend) you can try what I call “boomerang question”: asking the other person the same or a similar question to engage a conversation. Example:

    – Do you like pasta?

    – yeah, and you?

    – it’s my favorite

    – tomato sauce or cheese?

    – I hate tomato so…

    – what about pizza?

    Also so on… The main idea about this is finding a topic you both enjoy talking about and being more subtle about the questions so the other person don’t feel like is being interrogated.

    Good luck!

  6. Don’t do it all the time, but one hack you can use when you can’t think of a reply is to just repeat the last statement as a question. It comes across as you being engaged in what they were saying and eager for more details.
    Eg. “I went to see a movie.”
    “You went to see a movie?”

  7. It depends, are you giving short answers because you feel nervous about having a conversation? Or because those are the kind of answers you’re used to hearing? (Or one of many other potential reasons?)

    Sometimes, for me at least, I’ll kinda short out when asked a question if I’m anxious in the conversation and give a real short answer just to get the attention off me as quickly as possible. It’s not great and it leads to some pretty weak conversations. What I’ve been trying to do is when someone asks me a question, responding by asking for a second to collect myself and think of a real answer, then doing that. Usually people are fine about it if I communicate that I have a need there.

    If it’s a conditioning thing and you are historically more used to hearing short answers, then it’s a matter of practicing attention. Check in with yourself about how much you can focus on the topics these people are asking you about. And recognize the reality that you can add new information to the conversation, even if it goes beyond the scope of the question you were asked.

    Example:

    Person: Did you have a good weekend?

    Answer 1: Yes, how was yours?

    This is fine but it’s throwing the attention off real quick

    Person: Did you have a good weekend?

    Answer 2: yeah, gimmie one second, I did something I’m just blanked out about it right now… { A moment of reflection } Oh yeah! I went grocery shopping and this guy slipped on some water on the ground and did a flip into 150 cartons of eggs, etc. etc.

    And you’re into a story or whatever. Give them a chance to ask follow up questions, and take the opportunity to ask follow up questions when you get told about something. Conversation is a skill to be practiced, get in that mindset and you’ll be great.

  9. If you are over 18, join toastmasters. This is a public speaking group where you will practice getting better at speaking. You start with a 2 minute speech. At first it will be really hard. But no one comes to toastmasters who is good at public speaking. They come because is scares the shit out of them. So everyone is very supportive of the new people. Because they were there themselves not that long before.

  11. Ask questions about the topic they are talking about. For example, if someone is talking about a restaurant they like you could ask what side of town it’s on or what food they have. You can also add things about yourself that are similar. For example, if this person says it’s a Chinese restauarant on the east side, you could say “oh yeah I like this Chinese restauarant on the west side and I always get fried rice”.

  13. Dont say right ok mhm or yeah. Only if necessary. Just be completely quiet until its your turn. I had same problem and this helped.

  14. A one sided conversation is not a conversation. It’s an interview.

    A conversation is a dialogue between the groups.
    Ask a question about what they’re saying or engage by talking about a similar experience!

    I recommend observing others while they’re communicating. It helped me a lot. I used to be super shy and didn’t know how to carry a conversation. Now I am a chatterbox 😁

  15. I recommend doing things like repeating something someone or say a one rod response but, with a few more words. Example 1 someone says “I went to Florida and visited my family” instead of saying “nice” say “oh that sounds nice” or “nice how was it?”
    Example 2 someone says “I got some groceries from the store and got a lot of berries” instead of saying “ok“ say “you got a bunch of berries?”
    Things like that to show you’re listening

  18. You could elaborate on your yes answer. For example, Do you have a dog? Yes, I have a golden retriever and she’s the sweetest dog ever. She’s getting old but still full of energy.

  19. summarize what they said in short snippets as if you were confused and are trying to clarify what theyre tryna say. even if you know what they meant to say its a great way to show youre listening without using one word responses. also making eye contact shows that youre listening. and btw its ok to use short answers, just mix it up with a few of the summary dialogues i was talking about

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