My husband and I are in our early 30s and have been together for eight years now. Probably one of the biggest issues we have had is libido issues. My husband came in to the relationship sexual inexperienced, unconfident, and with low self esteem. I other hand, had experience and was confident in my abilities and also had a higher sex drive.
We’ve been working on our differences for a bit now but we still aren’t exactly where I would like us to be. Things are definitely better then what they were though. The current issue is that I never had issues with porn usage until him. I am very sex positive, had no issues in past relationships with porn usage, and even watched and suggested watching porn with my husband in the past. But sometimes I feel he chooses masturbation and watching porn over me.. and that hurts me. I have a high libido. I would have sex every day if I could. I almost never turn him down. I don’t care how tired, stressed, sick I have been.. I have told my husband he can even wake me up for sex. I would gladly give him a blowjob or a handjob without any reciprocation, if he was horny, all he would have to do ask. But there have been numerous times I have been at home where he has chose to go off and get himself off to porn, and it wasn’t even like I was busy or doing anything better! I’m talking, we will be watching something together or be on the couch together and he will tell me he is going to take a shower or go poo.. except he also goes and watches porn.
About a month ago, there was a night where he turned down sex with me, and a couple of hours later, I woke up to him watching porn and masturbating next to me. That really hurt! Last night he turned down sex because he was feeling under the weather. We had a lazy day in bed and I mentioned to him that I was feeling a tad sick myself. He had started feeling better. He woke me up a few times getting in and out of bed for various things.. and idk.. I just had a feeling. So I outright asked him if he had jacked off to porn this morning and he admitted he had. (He knows that me feeling sick has no bearing on my sex drive.)
I tried to discuss with him about why it bothers me but I don’t think he understands. In his mind he doesn’t do it that often so he doesn’t see what the big deal is. I know I don’t own his sexuality and I don’t want to but it really bugs me that I am so open, and would love to have sex with him, or even a more sexual relationship with him and he chooses porn over his willing wife! In improving our sex life I have given him three things to work on about four months ago.. More compliments, more flirting, and sex at different times of day other then night. We almost never have sex during the day or the morning and that is what bugs me about this morning on top of the situation. He could have easily just been like can you give me a blowjob and it would have made me extra happy because it was something sexual happening during the day. I also would be totally willing to give him nudes and even make videos.. But he’s never really been interested in those sorts of things.
Idk.. I don’t even know if I have a right to be upset by this. Advice, and suggestions are appreciated.
10 comments
It sounds like he may be struggling with [porn addiction](https://www.addictioncenter.com/community/signs-of-porn-addiction/). It seems rampant lately, presumably because porn is now ubiquitous. It’s hard for real people to compete with fantasy.
I’m so sorry I know how you feel
Did you let yourself Down, gained weight anything what would make him desire you less. In my experience the problem always lies in the complaining partner
Guys are lazy, sometimes it’s easier to rub one out than to have to try to convince your partner to spread their legs. Not sure why he’s not taking you up on your offers. He should be jumping all over you
Why do you believe he doesn’t jack off that often? He’s obviously sneaking and doing it.. so how would you know. It would make more sense than him never being interested in sex but occasionally jacking off.
Idk. I don’t understand it. Why pass up the real thing unless it’s an issue. Some dudes just don’t know how lucky they are.
This isn’t about porn. At all.
>My husband came in to the relationship sexual inexperienced, unconfident, and with low self esteem. I other hand, had experience and was confident in my abilities and also had a higher sex drive.
You walked right into a massive libido mismatch. It’s been there since the beginning. It’s the product you picked off the shelf, walked up to the register, and paid for.
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>In improving our sex life I have given him three things to work on about four months ago.. More compliments, more flirting, and sex at different times of day other then night.
So you gave him homework… OK. What did you give yourself? What are YOU doing?
Because, again, this is what you bought.
It is very sad when a man has such an amazing, sexual woman who is ready to do so much and he waists all this great sexual potential and energy.
Perhaps he was inexperienced because he doesn’t want to have sex with anyone.
How do you know it’s porn? I’m ha of similar issues regarding having a super high sex drive, my hubby tells me he’s tired or stressed, has told me his sex drive isn’t high anymore, the more posts I read the more I’m wondering if he’s sneaking off to watch porn and get off that way? I don’t think I’ve heard him but also haven’t thought about it ever being a thing.
Leave and find someone who is actually interested in you.
You should not be celebrating your husband allowing you to give him a blow job. What about your pleasure??????
Please go say this to someone in real life. You are not seeing how badly you’re being treated.
There’s a definite lack of respect here. Your boundaries are being eroded while his are expanding around you. You are not getting anything out of this.