As the title states, the idea of sex terrifies me. A few days ago turned 18, but I still have no urge to lose my virginity. A few months ago I started to go on dates with a guy I liked, but I broke it off before it could get anywhere because I knew eventually he’d want to have sex.
Every time a guy is remotely interested in me, I get scared because I know eventually it could lead to sex.
Idk why I’m so scared of sex. It’s probably because I was raised in a Catholic family and went to a Catholic school. When I was younger I also had a bad experience with a guy, which could be considered sexual assault.
Anyway, I really want to get over this so I can get into the world of dating. Any tips? Maybe if I get extremely drunk before doing the deed?
5 comments
Just be transparent when you are dating. Let the men know that you are not in any hurry to jump into having sex and you want to take things slowly and at your pace. These are your current boundaries and you aren’t ready to cross them yet. You’re hoping to find someone that makes you want to have sex and eventually you’ll have sex with them but you don’t want that to be the main focus of the relationship.
I don’t recommend drinking before having sex for the first time. Drunk sex shouldn’t really be done until you have some experience. Consent is always a must and you would much rather have a clear mind. Maybe a shot to relax you but don’t get drunk first.
It sounds like you might benefit from therapy to work through that past sexual assault, your upbringing, and other issues that might be causing you to feel this level of anxiety. Given everything else you’ve said, I definitely don’t think you should get wasted so you don’t have inhibitions – that probably would make it more likely you’ll end up doing something you don’t want to do.
I recommend strongly against getting drunk before your first time. Enjoy dating! Sex doesn’t have to be the end all goal, I’m sure plenty of guys wouldn’t mind waiting until you feel comfortable with the idea. You need to trust that your partner has your best interest and isn’t trying to hurt you. Set some expectations as you get to know your date, like “maybe kissing is ok but I’m not interested in having sex anytime soon”
Please ditch the “get extremely drunk” plan. I would hope you might find a boyfriend who would understand that you want to be in control of when you first have sex, you don’t want any pressure and you can not tell him when. Set your boundary line wherever feels comfortable. You can adjust your boundary line as you feel comfortable to do so.
You know better then all but instead of this you are asking ?