Hello guys, so I (M20) have been talking to this girl (F20) since January, met her through Instagram and clicked straight away. For context, I’ve never had a girlfriend or sex and I have social anxiety and overall I’m kind of awkard. The thing is that we clicked and basically chatted all day every day, I saw her in person in August (Yes I know… I just was kind of scared I could fuck it up in person and evaded meeting but I finally did) We have been seeing each other a few times a week and spending time with each other. We have kissed and basically touched it other everywhere. The thing is that when we are kissing and touching I can’t get a hard on, its flaccid all the way at first I thought mmh maybe is nerves, but today I went again to her place and we grinded with just boxers and yeah dont get me wrong it felt nice she was on top of me doing it but still, I just could get a hard on, like not at all, it was a bit stronger but still flaccid. Happened like 2 hours ago aprox. I told her and she undestood, it was ok and normal. But Im just worried, why cant it get a boner? Do I have ED? Is this normal? Im actually sad and worries dont want this to continue, she told me we can go slower but i dont feel nerves kissing and such but still i cant get my friend to hype up lmao. So yeah basically this is me asking for advice and comfort.
25 comments
Two things either you aren’t freaky enough and in touch with what can get you hard or two your stressed and have performance anxiety. When you watch porn what turns you on like what kind of scenes? Or do you not watch porn?
Start lifting weights to boost testosterone, stop masturbating (may have death grip), and do some kegel exercises
Take off ur clothes than let her get it up, don’t stress too much and relax. It will happen
Take a boner pill
I’m wondering if you can achieve an erection with yourself. If you can with yourself then it is def psychological.
Each of these responses are so wild from each other.
hush, boy. relax. breath in breath out, and clear your mind. your woman loves you and wants you to succeed as much as you do. yes. it is definitely anxiety. but you should also try asking your self if there is anything you know that does give you a boner, porn, anime girls, celebrity, pictures, magazine models fetish content, because if it is only with her it is not erectile disfunction. also. you entire description sounds like you are suffering from a heavy amount of anxiety, and you need to calm down. other wise, yes anxiety can effect you like that. remember, there is nothing wromg with you. there are doctors and remedies, and toms ot informal articles and forums and other information out there. so relax, it is okay to have trouble in bed. it happens. if you are that worried then go and get diagnosed, having some sort of confirmation will help you to regain control of your nerves and give you more chances to heal, amd over come any problems you may run into. do not let your anxiety take comtrol of you. trust yoir partner to help you and want what is best for you even in bed room. and you should be fine no matter what happens. there is nothing wrong with you. so relax. your mentality can effect you physically if you do not fomd a way to confront and learm to take control of it. if you are that worried, do not be afraid to seek therapy. and remember there is nothing wrong with you. even a medical issue can be treated. or overcome.
Stop watching porn, it can cause early ED. Not normal at age 20
It’s nerves if you can get it up when masturbating on your own.
Bro, we all been there, firstly you need to cut porn if you even watch that is, second you should leave the moment and not think if it gets hard or not. You got to enjoy the foreplay and if you feel relaxed blood will go down, if you overthink remember a lot of blood goes in the brain. Also avoid eating heavy before sex i’d say at least 2 hours before the act so the blood doesn’t go to digestion also.
You’re 20. I bet it’s because of porn. It has happened to me too. If I were you I would stop watching porn altogether and masturbate every three days or so (without porn obvs).
Test it. It works. It might take a few months though.
First time with my ex, didnt get it hard until we both were naked and she started sucking on that lil nugget, then it started expanding, fast and much.
So it is no problem if it doesnt happen under grinding, just anxiety, stop masturbating. After a few weeks like this, it will become easier to get the boner, you have less anxiety.
I did the same, alot less anxiety and now have more the problem of getting a boner in inappropriate places.
But at least i get it when i need it, and i can hide it (i think at least)
If you wake up with morning wood or you can get a boner on your own, you don’t have ED.
A guys dick is something that we have no control over. We like to think we do but honestly the whole erection process is an automatic thing – remember when you used to get random boners as a teenager when you least wanted them? It just happens automatically and we rarely have to think about it.
Stress, too much alcohol and anxiety will sometimes kill your dick almost instantly and this happens to every guy once in a while. Think of it this way, anxiety is like fear and why would you need a boner if you’re scared and ready to run away from something.
Anytime it happens to me I just talk to the other person and (for me at least) I find body contact and kissing a massive turn on. So I can usually relax and get back into the zone if I do that and stop worrying about it. For me. I think it’s important to keep going rather than giving up because I’m a natural worrier so I’ll fret over it if I just stop and next time will be the same.
Get the man checked out by a doctor.
Did you have covid?
I contracted covid for the first time last June, and I could Not even get an erection for about a week. Scary! I have heard that the long term effect can be some type of covid long term ED. For myself, I quickly became baseline normal and am totally boning hard now, a few months later.
That, and it could be health stuff. Ei diabetes! Blood pressure issues. Porn addiction. Masturbation dead hand dick, or you’re gay.
You need to go to the emergency room lol
Very normal; it’s performance anxiety. You will notice you’ll get more and more comfortable as time will go on and you’ll be able to maintain it. It’s just nerves and happens to everyone the first time they’re with someone unless you have experience.
If you don’t have problems when flying solo, it’s probably just performance anxiety.
If you do have problems when flying solo, please talk to a doctor. I know it’s embarrassing, but it’s for your health. Hell a doc might even give you something for your nerves. I take a very small dose of Xanax for anxiety as prescribed by my doctor. It helps.
Are you on any medications that could cause this?
There’s likely nothing physically wrong with you. I’m full of anxieties around social situations too and my first time I was too nervous to even be initiating physical contact first. It was pretty much hours of kissing to the point both of us had sore jaws before I was actually comfortable.
You’re likely just nervous and unable to relax because it’s your first experiences. You don’t even really know what you like yourself at this point. If you are a big consumer of pornography, you should probably cut back as porn is nothing but overstimulating to the mind as everything is on demand.
Since you’ve mentioned having social anxiety, try working through what you’re feeling at the time and see if there’s something you aren’t aware of in the moment.
You have your own image too wrapped up in it. Worried that she (whoever that may be) won’t be satisfied, or whatever. Basically, too much blood flowing in your brain, you have anxiety, stressed about who may find out that you haven’t mastered the art of making chicks scream your name and want more, more, more.
Seriously, that’s so much BS that you have been lead to believe, you CAN’T live up to it. Nobody can, or ever has.
Just be honest, open, and trust that your first time will be an eye opener. And go from there.
Likely porn, and your nerves dont help any, making it become a self fulfilling prophecy
Stop porn for at least 3 weeks and try holding off with masturbation as well, have her be the focus of your wants and needs.
Id also focus your thoughts on her in the moment and not yourself, you need to find a way to get out of your head and just *feel*
Have you ever gotten an erection? Like ever?
On the note of social anxiety and awkwardness, do you take any medications?
On the note of social anxiety and awkwardness, do you take any medications? ADHD meds, anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, etc. All of those can cause ED or difficulty ejaculated. And people are often on more than one… food for thought.
Dude has responded. Maybe fake? A lot of people assuming he jack offs to porn. But he hasn’t said he is capable of jacking off. That’s what we need to know. Does he get morning wood? Is he able to get hard when he jacks off or like ever?