Questions from a middle-aged man who’s only slept with one person

9 comments

1. I think most people have lists of things they prefer and things they’re willing to try. Not every partner you have will have the exact same list as you, so you might do things with one partner that you wouldn’t do with another one. Just because I role played a certain scenario with one partner and not the other, I don’t think that changes who I am as a person.

   I don’t have a super high body count, but I don’t really think about past encounters, and I definitely don’t compare partners based on things they’re interested in in the bedroom.

2. I do act differently depending on who I am with at the time. The dynamic is different with everyone, so sometimes that does change the things I do vs the things I don’t do. While I do have a pretty high body count, there’s only a handful that I actually think about. My husband likes to hear details of every encounter, so I probably recall those experiences more because of that. Otherwise, I’m not really sure how often I would think of them.

3. All partners are different, but I’ve absolutely done more different things with exes than fwb:s for example. My body count is just below ten but I think I think of all of them pretty often hence I’m lucky enough to still be friends with them all and able to hang out with most of them outside of bed on a regular basis.

4. Different relationships have different energy and dynamics, yeah.

   Only sex acts I do with some women and not with other women are sex acts like anal where some women are into it and other women hate it. Or they’re things like ditching condoms which require trust and a certain baseline relationship and for other contraception to be used.

   As for past encounters, there are a few that I think back on occasionally. Like the first time I slept with my ex-fiancee or some really tumultuous breakup sex or the first time I tried out a new kink or sex act.

5. I’m in a similar situation to you, although with a couple of partners since my divorce. I’ve found just asking what they like is the way to go. Even if they’re shy about talking about it, a lot of women are appreciative if a guy actually cares what they like in bed.

6. Maybe semantics, but I’m always the same person. We just proceed differently. Everyone is different so it every routine is unique to them in that moment. I know what I like for me, so during intimate moments I’ll express that and encourage my partner to do the same. The trick is finding where each our passions and boundaries all intersect and working together to make a good experience.

   People in the past are in the past. No different than any other memory. Something or someone (or personal intimate times) may trigger a memory, but I don’t think healthy people fixate on past relationships or encounters every day. Not to say it’s not good to remember good times now and then, though.

7. Doing it with different women can be very different. All women look feel and taste different and what makes one woman cum and do absolutely nothing for another woman. It’s almost like figuring out how to crack a safe. Now l did say different but different doesn’t mean better or even worse. When l was young a had a pretty high body count and some were good some were great. But l never really think about them at least not in a sexual fantasy or longing for. I’ve been with the same woman for 20 years and l focus soully on her and am completely satisfied. All that running around was such a waste. I have found that there is nothing sexier than monogamy. I put all my sexual energy and fantasy on my wife.

8. >My question to the forum: do you act differently in bed depending on who you’re with?

   Yes. Sex is a different thing with different partners. If you look at sex as the answer to an equation, the different inputs are going to make a different outcome. I’m the same person, but what they do and how they do it during sex is going to be different fro partner to partner and that can evoke a different response from me.

   >For instance, did you do stuff with one person you didn’t (or wouldn’t) do with others?

   Yes. There are some things I would do with some partners that I wouldn’t do with other partners. There can be differing levels of trust, but there can also be differing levels of enjoyment for an act with different partners. For example, my current fwb gets me a LOT more turned on by ass play (i.e. him playing with my ass, not the other way around) than any other partners have. He’s also a lot more patient in his approach. This means I tend to relax my asshole a lot more easily for him and it also makes it much more likely that he’s going to be the first person inside my ass with his dick.

   That having been said, there are other things I won’t do with him (i.e. mfm) because I don’t necessarily trust his judgement and wouldn’t feel safenin that situation. I trust him with my all safety in all other ways, but I don’t trust him bringing in a third. My most recent ex wasn’t at all interested in bringing in a third, but I would have absolutely intrinsically trusted him for this in a heartbeat. However, I wouldn’t have wanted to do anal with him.

   >And also, to those with a high “body count,” how often do you think about past sexual encounters? Daily? Weekly?

   Honestly not very often. I really only think about previous encounters when I’m trying to use one as an example to illustrate something either in a conversation with a friend or as an example to answer questions on a subreddit. Each person is an individual and I value and appreciate them as individuals. I don’t tend to make comparisons between partners.

9. The short answer is yes. Every partner is a brand new experience, it’s always unique.