Some context: I’m a 25yr old male, with a 6 figure salary, in shape, tons of hobbies and friends, and always traveling, family oriented, and constantly improving myself.
Long story short: I got ghosted by this girl I was really into and was hoping to take it a step further.
This isn’t the first time this has happened it’s actually been a consistent trend since HS. I’ve never been able to attract the Girls I’ve been into and serious about. So I wanted to know what is it that girls really look for in a guy or what may be some reasons they would go ghost?
This only happens with girls I like and show interest in.
Some more context about the girls that have been ghosting or rejecting me are:
– Latinas
– Graduated or currently in college
– ages between 24 – 25
– Shorter than me I’m 5”8
– Are into the gym or staying in shape at least
– pursuing a career
38 comments
Do you act like an excited puppy when you start dating these women?
Sounds like you’re coming on too strong or too fast.
How exactly are you expressing interest?
If you’re immediately breaking out the sappy one-liners or trying to dive into a relationship right off the bat, then those sorts of things reek of desperation.
Maybe you go so hard early on that scares them. All men are guilty of that sometimes
Every girl is different.
I’m a little older than you but in your age range. Six figure salary wouldn’t make you more appealing to me, nor would you being “in shape” or having tons of friends, though I do find people with hobbies appealing. Traveling is cool but popular with almost everyone.
Not everyone looks for a family-oriented guy, though most people will appreciate that you’re constantly improving yourself.
The answer is there is no universal answer or even trend. Most people ghost if they are very nervous/anxious types or if they get scared, freaked out by their dating match (not necessarily your situation, you may have done everything right and she still ghosted, or you may have made an offhand remark that you know where she works and she got freaked).
Keep pursuing your hobbies and interests, definitely work out (but only for the type of body YOU want, not what you think a girl will like).
You may have just had bad luck, it’s up to you if you want to keep dating or take a break for a while.
Are you over 6ft?
What are your hobbies and what is your “type” I came across an interesting staemt for dating. You wanna date a g rat go to a gym you wanna date a quiet person go to a library you wanna date a gamer go to a internet caffe. All that to say maybe the type of woman you like have nothing in commen with your world so activities you may find Interesting are boring to that type of woman
Youre probably super needy. Like an excited puppy.
I think the issue is with girls you don’t like there is no stress, nothing to gain. So you are probably quite different even though you don’t see it.
I would really focus on and be aware of your behaviour with girls you actually want. And try to recognize how you are giving off desperate vibes.
You’ve only listed things about yourself that guys care about. Salary, in shape (within reason), etc, you’ve presented a life that people can aspire to, but women on the whole care more about connection. Women prize a guy who can pull his weight emotionally in the relationship. Self improvement is good but in what areas? Ones that make you a genuinely better partner, or ones who make you feel accomplished? That’s too broad a thing to assess if you’re doing it right based on what you said. Like, self improvement for confidence is great, but ultimately less important in a relationship than if you can handle your emotions with maturity and self-reflection. Almost every dude who asks me this irl, this is the area we discover he’s lacking in, and women can usually sense it.
Looks, social power/ability/skills and money
You must be consistent with your behavior. Not hot and cold. Its confusing for girls. Be yourself but at least learn to appreciate girls. We are very simple to please. Just be nice not overly nice tho. We just want GENUINE care, attention, affection. Anything fake or forced will not make us stay.
Looks money job is all just superficial for us. We don’t give high regard on those things most of the time. We just want someone real and emotional mature to get connected with us.
What do you have in common with the girls you date besides a physical/emotional connection? Sometimes it can work with just that, but if you fail to find common interests people will just float away once the initial rush of getting to know somebody is over. You say you have hobbies, finding somebody who shares them is a massive help. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong – once you find someone who matches your investment in a relationship it just works (still requires effort of course, but you can feel the difference).
At what point are they ghosting? Before or after you’ve kissed? Do they always ghost shortly after you’ve had sex, or is there no correlation there?
I know I won’t continue with a guy if he can’t kiss. All other intimacy stems from kissing for me, and if that part isn’t good, I can’t get myself excited to go any further. It’s an instant turn off.
Also guys who are selfish in bed. If it feels more like an activity than intimacy, or it’s all about him, that is going to carry over into how I see him in general, and selfishness is not a trait I admire.
Personally, I don’t look for any specific trait. I am attracted to someone I have a natural chemistry with, it’s hard to explain. It’s not so much what your interested in or how you look, but if we match on an intellectual and physical level. I could think a guy is amazing but if we don’t “click” I won’t proceed. The best way to attract someone in my experience is to not try! Just enjoy what you enjoy, do as you usually do, and it will come to you. Obviously you will need to make effort to talk to new people, but in general “not looking” is how I have always found the people I’ve been with.
How’s your mattress game? Everything else sounds on point.
I look for how nice they treat me, pets, and others.
Depends on the girl they all want different things
Money
Bro, you sound somewhat like a EXCITABLE BOY, calm down , let the Flow , come to you . FORGET the I’m in shape and make 6 figures all that will get you is a Gold Digger Skank ! When you meet a Lady you might be interested in, Talk about and Show Interest in her Life, Likes, n Dislikes ! Don’t focus on just Telling her How Great you are . IF you can get a Woman to smile, you get the girl . First Date, make her feel comfortable, Coffee Date, and of course, YOU PAY ! Tell her to meet you there. Don’t scare her and make her think you’re a Stalker Weirdo.
It’s probably your personality. Try to be a little more conscious about what you say and do.
Like others said your “stats” are nice but not every girl want “stats”. I see beautiful women with guys with “low end salary” jobs but they are so happy together. Maybe ask them what kind of person they are looking for and hope they don’t say something generic. Also how do you approach the dates? Is there a consistent action you take/try to take (maybe try to be intimate too soon?) maybe that’s scaring someone off.
It could be the way you dress, talk (does it sound condescending or elitist) or other habits? I met women coming in date in zumba pants i was like wtf and women who talk down on people like they are hot **** and I ding those right away because it doesn’t fit my personality.
I’ve found people ghost the most when they feel trapped. Look back at some conversations and situations. Try to see it through your partner’s perspective. Are you pulling people into your life and trying to fit them into it? I’d take a more relaxed angle next time your dating. Like offer for them to do things and give them space. Make sure you’re equally proud of their successes and life they’ve built for themselves.
You told me what’s on your resume but not who you are as a person. Girls don’t care about any of that money, in shape, traveling, stuff. They care if a guy is kind and loving. It’s how you treat them and treat others. Share more of yourself outside of all the business. The things that make your day better. Movies. Music. It’s the little things we care about that keep us interested
I feel like this is way to vague. There could be multiple reasons. Like how soon are they ghosting you? What do you talk about? Are you a bad texter? Do you show that your interested in them and not talk all about your self? Or are you a Bland type of texter? How are you when you see them in person? Are you coming on to strong? Are you being to distant? Have you actually asked them what they are looking for? Relationship wise and the person they want to be in a relationship with? See you asked such a ge real question and gave no real info. Plus the question is….everyone is different they want different things. Maybe you are looking at the wrong ppl. Ones that don’t want what you want or you’re not what they want?
Traits that women like:
1. Leaders- they tend to like the guy who’s assertive and comes off like the main one of the group. No pushover or followers allowed
2. Intelligence- i dont mean nerd but being witty in social situations and having a skill set that you can show off. But all means being nerd is fine. You just need to have more than being nerd.
3. Emotional intelligence- you have to be sensitive but not emotional. To know the difference, you are going to have to understand emotions. Reading a woman’s cues is big in this step. This extremely attractive as well.
4. Flirting- women like guys who hint at things but don’t reveal it fully. This is because women tend to be simulated by words than anything else. Try not to be overly direct. State your preferences and include what she wants as well. Over time, you will read how assertive your allowed to be.
5. Funny- women like humor because it makes everyone loose. Again woman are attached to positive emotions. So aim to make every interaction a positive one.
6. Confidence- women like guys who have a carefree attitude toward interactions. So never straight up ask woman for dates. Always hint it can be one or I’m hanging out. Let women reveal interest. As a guy, make her comfortable to do so through jokes and Flirting. For example, you meet a woman on the street, ask her basically question. Allow her to respond. Based on the answer, you can leave if negative or flirt if positive. At this point , read the body language and ask for date by saying you seem like an interesting person and I like to get to know you some more. When are you free for coffee.
7. Money- just have a well established plan for a career and be able to pay for dates.
8. Looks- you got to have style, sex appeal in your mannerism and clothes. Make sure you have maxed your looks. Rather it be a beard, muscles, or well fitted clothing.
I know this is a hefty list, but it’s what us men have to do. Honestly it takes time to develop it all. But it’s worth it. Tbh, a woman will date you for having at least 3 out 8 on the list but the quality of women goes up when you get all 8.
Above all, never do things for women that’s not your girl. Always think about you and how you want it. It will keep you out getting manipulated by toxic women.
People want different things. It’s kinda hard to single out specific traits.
Idk. Everyone has different experiences.
My best dating advice would be to open lines with several girls. Date around, have fun and don’t commit.
For some unknown reason the female lizard brain likes what it has a hard time obtaining.
Life is weird like that.
If a person feels compelled to announce their income I take that as a signal that they’re lacking somewhere else in life.
There’s no way we could figure out why you’re getting ghosted from the limited info you’ve given. However, maybe start with not lumping all women into one category? We’re people with vastly different likes, dislikes, pet peeves, interests, etc…
Maybe swallow your pride and ask one of these girls or someone else close to you if they have any constructive criticism? It could be one specific thing or a specific cluster of things that are turning people off.
This is like asking what kind of food girls like.
Confidence.
well i had high standards but after my ex it’s kinda ….one that doesn’t cheat is probably fine? lol
I feel your pain brother. I have the same thing happening to me. The best advice I can give you is to keep doing what you are currently doing (making good money and travelling/having interessing hobbies) and stay off dating apps; that shit is only benificial to woman. Good luck!
You’re probably coming on too strong or your personality is different with the girls you like because you’re trying to impress them or keep them interested, vs acting really chilled with the ones you don’t like and showing your real personality.
Well I like my men taller (I’m 5’4), fat,hairy, and fucking hilarious… bonus points if he has a dad bod but is also active (I like hiking, playing sports, etc). Don’t really care too much about income as long as he’s responsible about it. Really depends on the person OP there could be billions of reasons why you are getting ghosted although there’s a lot of guys who think you need to be some giant muscular chad with a 6 figure job to get a date, most of my friends are with regular average joes with regular ole jobs less than great physique, average height, who are caring ,emotionally available, pays attention to and fulfills our needs, loves to eat, laugh, and have a great low maintenance ass time .
Something to do with looks and personality. You either don’t look good enough and your personality doesn’t make up for it. Or you do look good and your personality made you uglier.
I believe if you score high on looks and personality then you won’t ever be single.
And if you go for latinas they like dudes spicier/ more passionate. Can you Latin dance? Can yo I stir up drama like the shows in telemundo?
Not all the stuff you have described about yrself.
Maybe it’s how you talk, how you carry yourself, or how you dress (maybe your choice in outfit is tacky) Those are important too.
I don’t know what girls look for because we’re all so different. I know that I am not looking to be in a relationship.