My girlfriend always says that I don’t love her. She always asks me to prove it. She always points out that she had an experience where she felt that a guy truly loved her and it’s not me. I wanna be that guy for her. I want her to know that I love her with all my heart and she’s the love of my life, I don’t see myself with any other girl but her.
I had a troubled childhood, I never grew up around love. Growing up I always googled what love was because girls would tell me that but then do something to make me feel the opposite. I believe I was always afraid to love because I love hard. I believe loving someone that has potential to hurt you is very dangerous. And I always felt that the woman I love will be the happiest woman I ever been with. Right now that’s not the case. I’m in love with my girl but she’s not happy. I would’ve thought that she would be honored to feel the love I have to offer but I guess she hasn’t felt it yet.
Please help me prove to my girl that she’s the love of my life and I don’t see any other woman but her. I might lose her if she really believes I don’t love her. I’m scared.
6 comments
– write her a love letter & leave it where she can find it or in a bouquet of flowers
– plan a date or surprise without asking her basically all the details, put some thought into it
– does she have any pets? you can get a stuffed animal or socks that look like them or have their face on it
– run her a bubble bath with a glass of wine, light a candle. again unprompted is the key to these things
– stock the fridge with some of her fave snacks or something. if shes in her period you can buy her a heating pad for cramps & put on an oil diffuser
– give her a kiss on the forehead every time you are leaving the house, also holding hands goes a long way
Ask her what is her love language. Try to understand her more by paying attention to what she likes and do it with genuine intentions and not expecting anything in return. It’s quite easy to tell what’s done for the sake of it and what’s done passionately once you have felt it in the past.
Hate to say it, but in a respectful healthy relationship, you don’t go around saying stuff like what she says, always pointing out (her perception of) your shortfall, comparing you to past experiences to put you down, denying your heartfelt reality, making you work for it and never accepting you as you are.
If it was just the one comment – saying you don’t love her – and her feeling insecure about your feelings, I might say she’s just.. insecure. Or if you sounded insulted or indignant by all this, I might say maybe you’re not expressing yourself very well. But with all this the way you put it, she is manipulative, probably borderline, and gaslighting you.
That you didn’t grow up around love and your not seeing this for what it is makes me think you grew up around mental illness? If so, unfortunately that means your normal-feelings-ometer may be horribly broken, and being around people like this doesn’t set off alarms and buzzers like it should.
You should be scared to be close to her, not scared to lose her.
Someone who is “always” saying you don’t love them and “always” demanding that you “prove it” and “always” talking about other guys who were better than you isn’t looking for reassurance. They’re looking for control. She wants you scared and on edge.
Couples counseling is a start. Also individual therapy.
There’s different ways you can show love for your partner, I like to give gifts and set up fun dates because her love language is gifts and acts of service. Meanwhile I’m happiest when we’re cuddling watching a show together because my love language is physical touch. Communication with your partner is very important, ask them what you could do to make them feel more loved, ask what their love language is. Hope this helped