My bf and I have been together almost a year now.. I really do love him, he’s sweet, loving, gentle, caring, affectionate, he crosses off many things on my list.
And yet there are things that he engages in, and other things he hasn’t yet engaged in, but believes are not bad, and I agree but I just personally do not like and would prefer my partner not to entertain.
One of those things is porn. I want to clarify that it is not an issue in the bed. He doesn’t watch porn while we have sex, nor does he put it before us. When we are together, it’s just us. I never have to wonder if he prefers the girls in porn over me because he doesn’t act that way. But the fact that he engages in it, makes me wonder if it’s too often, and if it is starting to desensitize him because sometimes I have to finish him off (with a handjob) after sex…
Another thing is: there is a strip club that is disguised as a nightclub, very well-known and we both know about it but have never been. He doesn’t “believe” it’s a stripclub which infuriates me.
He did not go in, but told me that he walked by it and his friend and him were curious. Curious about what?
I told him for future reference, I wasn’t comfortable with him going because I know it’s going to come up again. He will get curious for some reason and will want to go if the opportunity presents itself.
I’m sorry but maybe I am of the few that believes there is nothing to look for at a nightclub or a strip club without your partner. You want to have a drink? Go to the bar. Why do you have to go to a nightclub, to see what? All there are is girls half naked if not naked dancing.
And it’s worse bc if he honestly just wanted to go to actually dance with his friend and just have a good time, that’s fine. But no. I know my boyfriend just wants to go to watch them dance. And he denies it. But I know he enjoys watching them because we went to a club once with some pretty exotic dancers and he recorded every single one of them and got mad when he couldn’t get a good view meanwhile I just wanted to dance with him…
He LOVES eye candy, and he gets it everywhere and isn’t even discreet about it. Even though I’ve talked to him about it. Makes me wanna rip his eyes out sometimes. And by the time he gets to me I honestly feel second best. And it’s not the fact that I think he’s gonna cheat because let’s be real. Those girls up there are not thinking about anyone in the audience but it’s just the environment, and his reason for going that I don’t agree with. Even though he denies it. I know the truth..
Another thing is he just straight up doesn’t prioritize drinking water. He will drink a soda before he drinks a glass of water and it’s so frustrating. Whenever I ask he just tells me he forgets. And I’m like what the hell??? How do you just forget to drink water at the big age of 29. This is major health concern because I need my partners to care about their health. That’s a non-negotiable for me and his nonchalantness about it is scary to say the least…
He can also be incredibly stubborn..
I know these might seem small insignificant to someone else but to me they’re pretty huge. I don’t know if my expectations/standards are just too high or if I really should honor myself. There are soo many things about him that I love and adore and he makes me feel so warm inside just by the person he is, but these things are hard to overlook because of how they make me feel whenevr I think about them.. it almost makes me feel not heard, and misunderstood. I don’t do shit he doesn’t like. The minute I feel he is uncomfortable w something, I shut it down. He doesn’t even have to tell me shit because I am emotionally aware of his triggers. And although he hasn’t done some of these things yet, it makes me upset that he has these beliefs.
5 comments
he recorded sexy dancers? With camera?
The point of dating is finding a compatible partner. Is this guy that person for you? Also if you stay with him I’d really recommend having some talks about his morals and beliefs. Like what does he think about feminism and how does he feel about global poverty and global warming. Talking about moral issues is important because you need to know if those ideals align.
I can understand some of these frustration, but I feel like a lot of these issues could be solved by communication. You should tell him that you feel his porn habits are having a bad effect on your sex life and he should try to tone it down a bit. That you feel his interest in going to a strip club is disrespect toward you as his girlfriend.
When it comes to the whole water drinking issue I think you need to let that go. Motivation to be healthy has to come from within. You can encourage him, give him positive feedback etc which might help him change his habits, but you won’t succesfully force him into a healthy lifestyle if he doesn’t care. I honestly can’t see that having a big impact on your life though, seems easy enough to look past it instead of having a never ending source of frustration. No relationship is ever going to be perfect, everyone has to give and take. Look at the bigger picture.
You don’t date someone expecting to change them.
You can have whatever boundaries you want but that doesn’t mean he is required to agree.
The water thing is ridiculous.
The porn thing—you’re just setting him up to lie about it if you tell him to stop—he’s not going to stop. I know zero men who don’t consume porn.
All the rest just sounds like insecurity on your part.
Trying to control where people go, who they hang out with, what they wear, etc does not prevent them from cheating if that’s what they want to do. And if you’re banning what they can do, they’ll just hide it from you more than likely.
Your BF should not be ogling other women in front of you or when you are out together. That is just plain disrespectful and he needs to understand that (what if you did the same ??) and stop. As far as those other things, well to me at least that seems like normal guy stuff. Are you perhaps expecting too much here ? I know plenty of men (and women) who are curious about strip clubs.