I recently met a girl and she gave me her number, not because of attraction or something, just because we both want to meet more people in uni. So I wanted to ask her if we could grab coffee some time but in my mind this always sounds like you’re asking someone out on a date which I don’t want. I just want to get to know her as a person.
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maybe call it a hangout or a meet up or wanna chill type thing instead of “want to go out with me” or “want to grab a coffee” cus i think those 2 sound more like dates! just try to use relaxed language you would with a dude!
Sounds like a date lol
A LOT of guys ask women to “hang out” but lowkey they mean it as a date. You could stress that you mean it platonically only, but that could also seem a bit awkward. I say hold off until you guys actually know each other better. When you’re actually friends grabbing coffee together will feel natural.
Maybe invite a couple other people so it’s a group thing?
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Texting her, “hey friend..” might do the trick. Usually if I see this, I assume I’m being friend zoned lol.
“you down to get coffee dude?” there u go. keep throwing out dude and bro and it’ll be rly clear u want a platonic friendship. just don’t come off as a douche
Casually mention you’re seeing someone or going on a date after coffee so you need to leave by x
Maybe something like “hey I have some free time before [whatever], want to grab some coffee?” Or even “I’m headed to get some coffee, want anything?”
I feel like it’s casual and friendly enough that it doesn’t send off any weird vibes. Then again I’d probably get in a strange van if the dude had coffee.
Ive honestly just asked them if they want to get food with me. I never care how it’s interpreted lol.
“Wanna get tacos with me tomorrow?” N just let them answer/think whatever. Long as I get a yes, that’s all I care about lol.
People over think these things too much. Just be casual about it, it really isnt a big deal.
Make it sound like something you really want to do but rather have company than alone. Like ”I really want to try [insert something fancy] at this new place, care to join?”. You probably have to find a place that is somewhat special first though
Mention being new to uni again, and ask her for “coffee and people watching”.
Maybe it won’t translate as well in German or your university culture, but where I am an explicit intent to watch other people (and make silly comments to your people-watching partner in crime) means you are not trying to pay attention to the person you are sitting with.
How bout a hey, you seem cool and I like making new friends. There’s a really nice coffee place at X if you wanna hang out at Y
Invite her to some activity with other people. One-on-one coffee is very likely to be interpreted as a date. You could say “as a friend” but that might not be believed.
When you’re heading out to grab coffee/food/ etc send her a text and tell her. “Hey grabbing coffee/ food/ etc. at (name of place) In about 30 minutes if you would like to join me”
Or
“My friend and I are gonna hangout out at xyz place to grab food if you’d like to join us”
Just continue with it and don’t make it weird. Honestly, the less thought you put into this kind of stuff, the better off you’ll be on all fronts.
Studying together
Just be blunt.
“Hey. I really enjoyed getting to know you and I would really like to get some coffee and hang out again”
Or
“Hey I want to hang out again soon. You bring a friend and I’ll bring a friend and let’s grab some coffee?”
I find that being very direct can help avoid some of the social anxieties. 😊 best of luck OP!
the problem you’re in is you created this fear in your mind that you dont wanna across as the guy who asks this girl for a date because that would be weird for both of you
but the more time you spend thinking about not wanting to come across like that the more its going to be difficult for you to NOT come across like that
you somehow have to make yourself believe that she is just another buddy from your friend group and when the thought comes you might come across as the guy who wants to date her just kinda put yourself back to being the person who sees her as part of your friend group instead
Its not about the words you say but about how you say those words and its all too easy to know this but to pull this off naturally after you asked this question ( after you started thinking about it ) is already not so easy
-Ask if she wants to get coffee and study together
-Bring another friend w u so it’s 3 ppl
-Ask if you guys can meet up for coffee then walk to class together
– tbh just be casual about it
“Hi, do gou have time to grab a coffee”
Inviting someone to grab a coffee is really not explicitly a date. People get coffees with friends or even just acquaintances all the time. If you say, “hey, lets grab a coffee” it generally won’t be seen as a romantic advance.
If you simply cant say let get coffee without feeling weird then just use words like dude or hang out
Honestly just ask if she wants to get coffee before class. Treat her exactly as you would a male acquaintance.
Ask if she wants to get coffee and study together. Yall can bring other friends or invite other classmates and create a study group/ meet up at the library/ get food after if youre hungry. I think activity based things are safe for friends. Talk about hobbies or volunteering together.
Be straight up about it. Tell her what you posted here – it’s not a date but you’d like to get to know her better. Prevents bad situation from developing later.
add a “bro” at the back of the request
You know, the best thing is to be honest “Hey, I’m quite embarassed. I want to ask you to grab a coffee but I’m afraid it will look like a date when I just want to enjoy a nice time with people from uni.”
She will probably appreciate the honesty and both of you will clearly know that isn’t a date.
Do you have any classes together? You could just say that you are grabbing a coffee to take into class and if she wants to meet you there you can share coffee on the walk into class. That way the ball is in her court and you don’t have to stay there longer to wait because you both have to be in the same place anyway. If she doesn’t want to then no pressure. If the focus isn’t on sitting in one place just drinking coffee it can be much more comfortable.
You don’t. Asking someone out for coffee is universal code for “I wanna test drive you before considering a date”. It’s inexpensive and everyone pays for themselves. It’s basically written in US American culture
In Portugal its pretty normal to invite for coffee. All you have to do is to be casual. Imagine: After class you say ” I need coffee. Let’s go?”
Just ask her if she wants to go get a coffee because she seems like she would be a good friend.
Literally “Want to go get a coffee and get to know each other, platonically? You seem really cool and I’d like to be friends.”
Direct is always best.
You could make it like a study/writing session at a cafe you’re inviting her to. That way you can chat and get to know each other but also it is expected that you might just ignore each other and work.
I would say open it up for her to bring another friend. Even if she doesn’t, it gets the vibe across that you guys are just chillin and there’s no pressure etc
I slide in a bro in the sentence when I’m trying to do this with guys, maybe the opposite works too. I’d def not think it was a date if a guy called me bro or dude or something
If it’s about school or if you share a class you could ask “hey want to grab some coffee and study/discuss class/etc?”
I just asked a girl today just “hey, wanna go hang out sometime?”
She said yeah, and I added her on Facebook and we’re setting up when we can hang out. Simple as, and man was I psyching myself out over it lol
These are all decent options. But.. tell her she has to buy her own coffee. She will know at that time, it’s not a date.
“Hey I’m going to grab a coffee, wanna come with?”
“Hey! Wanna grab coffee this week in a friendly kinda way? I really enjoyed meeting you and am trying to make some new friends. You’d be more than welcome to bring along anyone else (guy or girl) you think I might get along with as well.”
I’d just text “hey, friend! Wanna get a coffee?”
Being a female, when I’ve been in new places and wanted to make friends, i find that the best way is to be honest with them. If a guy I met on campus tells me “hey, not to come off the wrong way, but I was wondering if you wanted to hang out and maybe get some coffee with me? I’m trying to meet and get to know some new friends around here. If you’re uncomfortable with that I’ll understand but I promise it’s 100% platonic.” I appreciate honesty as I’m sure other people do as well, and if you’re that worried, try inviting a third person.