I’m not sure if this is a cry for help, or more of just a vent, so I do apologize in advance.
MY (21M) GF (21F) of 4 years just ended the relationship. We have been together since 9.12.18 and just recently celebrated 4 years. It felt like we went through hell and back. In the beginning of our relationship all she wanted to do was escape her parents, and so that’s what I helped her with. They were to controlling of her and made her the babysitter of the family, so I took her out, to dinners, movies, arcades, and we enjoyed all of it. After 2 years together and the beginning of covid, we decided to move in together. We went to Disney land multiple times, vegas, camping, everything you could thing of, we did it while living together. I’ll admit, it was good for the first year, but after that things got rough, constant bickering, nagging, and fights towards each other. We took the weekend apart, and things began to go back to normal for a little bit. But as of two weeks ago things were different. She moved out stating I was too dependent, and didn’t do enough around the house such as laundry and dishes etc. Don’t get me wrong, she was right, and the fact that it took me this long to realize is bad enough, but it really took her cutting things cold turkey to understand all of that. Throughout those two weeks I have been working on myself, keeping the room tidy, doing stuff around the house, laundry, all of that, but it just wasn’t enough. I wrote poems, story’s, bought her flowers, took her to dinners, MADE her dinners, I did everything that I possibly could, because I truly love her and wanted to save this relationship. However, tonight, she ended it, saying she didn’t want to have to worry about someone else, and she wanted to do what she wants when she wants without having another person with her. I thought I was doing good, it seemed like things were improving and that they were turning for the better, but i was just blind sided once again. If I had to guess the situation started getting bad when she went onto her anti-depressants and she got more angry, and more tense in every situation, I was never aggressive back, and simply always just tried to reason with her. I was there for her when she was sad, mad, hungry, any mood I was there emotionally, just not apparently physically with the chores and such.
I love this girl with all my heart, and I’ve seen her grow from a teen to the full adult she is right by my side as I did the same, and I really don’t want to waste the 4 years we have put into each others lives, I’m just at a lost for words.
She says she is still willing to go on dates and see if it “works out”, but I am not sure I can go through all this heart break over and over again, its agonizing, I was recently put on anxiety meds from panic attacks from all of this.
Do I still try to fix this? Is this a lost cause? Why Am i Having such a hard time with this? What do I need to do?
TL;DR: my GF broke up with me after 4 years and says she will still be willing to date to see if it “works out”, im unsure what to do. Do I still try to fix this? Is this a lost cause? Why Am i Having such a hard time with this? What do I need to do?
5 comments
She’s decided to leave. Only thing left to do is respect her decision. Anything else will only push her further away. It hurts because you love her and you’ve lost something special. But what you had is gone. That’s the truth. She probably won’t come back. But if she does, it’ll only be when you’ve started living again. Thriving again. You need to do this for yourself. At that point, you won’t need her anymore anyway. So go do that. It won’t be easy, not gonna lie. But you’ll find your way. In 6 months or a year you’ll be in a better place. This is the way.
>saying she didn’t want to have to worry about someone else, and she wanted to do what she wants when she wants without having another person with her.
She said this. So no, don’t try to fix the relationship. I don’t understand why she even wants to go on dates to see if it’ll work out if she doesn’t want someone to care for.
This will be the hardest thing you’ll probably ever have to go thru unfortunately, I my self went thru something similar, 5 year relationship ended, she moved out of state, her absence was excruciatingly painful, for the most part… that whole first year maybe year I was in a depression. After that I started dating but knowing I wasn’t ready… they all failed…
My advice to you. Find new hobbies, make new friends, surround yourself with old friends that are genuine, and nice, but will also tell you the truth when you need to hear it. Don’t push people away. She made your choice but it’s your time to choose yourself and out yourself first, because no1 else will. Love yourself, find comfort in that time alone and by alone I mean with out a significant other. New hobbies, and things that’ll occupy your time will keep your mind off her, don’t get fixated on antidepressants, after a year or so… try to get off them. Hit the gym, once you begin like yourself again that’s when there will be room for improvement and show her that it’s her loss, and that she will never be able to get you back.
Biggest advice!!
DONT LOOK FOR LOVE, LOVE WILL COME TO YOU.
Everything will eventually fall into place, just live your life and continue on your journey, these lessons are blessings in disguise. Trust in the process. Your going to be alright. Chin up, head straight, we don’t look back, we keep moving forward. I have faith in you!!
Take your meds, concentrate on yourself, meditate. You’re having a hard time with this cause you’re withdrawing from a drug called love.
Cut her out of your life completely (including all social media) it will only give you more anxiety and panic attacks. Do not go back and check on her every so often this will put you in a chaotic state.
If y’all try to fix it, you will be on pins and needles, you’ll be doing everything you can all whole having panic attacks while trying to get her back. Its unhealthy and can easily be taken advantage of. Especially if she’s doing her own thing
If she wants to do her own thing, do you (whatever that may be). Growth in your 20s isn’t linear, people change tremendously within a year or two
Allow yourself to grieve. Journal, have some emotional outlet. It gets better but it takes time
tbh it sounds like she left you cause you were not pulling your weight when it came to the household. two weeks of doing chores (that btw, you’re supposed to do) will not magically fix the four years of her telling you what needed to be done.
she says she feels you were “too dependent”. she probably feels like she went from babysitting and taking care of her siblings to doing the same thing with you. tbh it doesn’t sound like she blindsided you man.
i would say, just cut things off completely. go on your separate ways and learn how to be independent and build healthy home habits