Dating before social media

10 comments

1. It was a lot easier for one thing. You had to actually talk to people in person, but somehow it was smoother and more relaxed if that makes sense. Might be different for others, but I enjoyed dating a lot more before social media.

2. I was married to my 2nd husband by then. Last time I dated was before dating apps. I’m glad I had dogs when I started dating in 2017, because I probably would’ve been sexually assaulted. I’m naive I guess. Guy told me he’s taking me to lunch, then comes to get me, then had to use the bathroom. As soon as he was inside his intentions became clear. My dogs chased him off😐

3. So easy

4. Grocery store hookup culture

5. We’d ask for a girls phone number and text her on our nokia phones

6. People like to glorify “the beforetimes” but it came with its own problems. Just a slightly different set of them.

   Back then you’d rely more on your existing social connections to meet single people. School, work, church, community events, parties, concerts, etc.

   Social anxiety existed but it wasn’t the near standard that it is now.

   People also didn’t have the PERCEPTION that they had a million options because they really only got to choose from what was in front of them.

   There were plenty of first date failures and all of the bad behavior you see in the dating world now. I think a lot of the frustration people have with their online dates now comes from the fact that they are selecting someone off of a menu with minimal information (and no sense of how factual it is).

   Back then people would generally have some face time and share conversation which would lead them into asking the person out. Online dating now is essentially just blind dating where you’ve been given a little sneak preview so it’s no wonder people end of reeling when that person doesn’t match what they’ve imagined.

   Things were superficial back then for sure, but maybe not quite as bad as they are now. People still had height, weight, looks, money requirements but not being able to do a virtual background check/snoop around their social media/etc meant they often times had to give the person a chance to show off some of the other aspects of who they were before being accepted/rejected.

   I don’t envy people having to date in todays dating landscape but I also think it’s pointless to pretend like things were so much better back then. It’s always hard to put yourself out there and most people aren’t and shouldn’t be a match.

7. I met guys either while I was out and about, they weren’t afraid to shoot their shot. Or we’d meet through mutual friends. If he phoned and I wasn’t home, he left a message. I’d call back. We set up times to meet, if he was picking me up he’d phone and say he was on his way. If I was meeting him, I’d make sure I left enough time for traffic so I wouldn’t be late, because we couldn’t call part ways there or even text. The guys paid, unless we had discussed it , but it was never a discussion, he paid. Dates were movies, bowling, dancing, coffee or dinner, or even a walk. If I asked a guy out, I paid, if we were having drinks, we took turns buying rounds. I miss those days.
   There was mutual respect and common courtesy shown, but remember, this was my experience. It doesn’t necessarily mean it was everyone’s.

   ** edit ** also if a guy was a no show you just had to accept that you could not call and find out why until you got home, if he didn’t answer, well accepting that as a not interested was what we had to do. Mind you that didn’t stop the questions we might have had.

8. It was nice because you met people and built some kind of connection in person with them before they asked you out on a date. There was more stopping into places hoping to bump into the person you had a crush on, working up the nerve to ask them out, asking their friends if you had a chance etc lol but I felt much more comfortable on dates because I knew the person at least a bit. I knew their reputation as well from being in the same social circles. Romance was a build up and there wasn’t pressure right off the bat when you’re meeting someone for the first time.

9. I was on the junction of both, I mean IRL dating IMO is so much better. I’ve met a lot of dishonest and outright closet rascist types online. Never had that problem with relationships I formed IRL good luck

10. I don’t know how far back people want to go. My own dating world goes back to a time when there were no Credit Cards and writing checks to pay bills was High Economic Technology.

    The 50-s and 60-s could be wonderful and reactionary, or staid and conservative depending on who was doing the looking. The Equal Rights Ammendment and Womens Lib was was just a glimmer in someones’ eyes at the time. Women still needed to go through their husband for many of the economic and medical decisions in their lives including home and land ownership and medical procedures including surgery.

    Bread was about 25 cents a loaf, as was a gallon of gas at the local SKELLYS or SUNOCO or ESSO. My dad’s CHESTERFIELDS, CAMELS, VICEROYS and PALL MALLS all ran some where between 25 to 30 cents a pack, Dating in the local parochial school was forbidden but they DID host the occasional square dance (you heard right) so boys and girls DID touch, but hands only and closely chaperoned by the Nuns. If kids got together for an event it had to be cleared through the local RC priest first. By comparison everybody else was connecting albeit under very close supervision (see: Fatrher Knows Best; Leave it to Beaver). Sex was not discussed openly and there had been an injunction passed on the Movie and television industry beginning in 1907 in Chicago and culminating with the “Hayes Act in 1930 which sought to keep “obscene material” out of the theatres and off the growing TV industry. In reaction a growing number of magazines vied with each other for the most revealing Centerfold (see: Playboy) which many young teenagers culled their first sexual experiences from though typically in a bathroon or undercovers late at night with a flashlight. Oh and Two-piece swimsuits were quite the new thing except for those shocking, really tiny ones, called Bikinis.

    Drive-in Movies were the venue of choice, particularly the last row where nobody was watching the movie anyhow and auto-s provided a semblance of privacy for experimentation. Dating was also rife with speculation, approach-avoidance and “He-said-she-said” communication. (Not so different from now). Background regarding Race, Religion, Socio-Economic status and politics were Significant factors on Dating as well as limits placed on people dating (see: grounding) right up through University (you read right). Single parents were almost invisible and were expected to rely on the kindness of strangers. Both single males and females were seeking to connect primarily to share the strains of economics and child-rearing. Romance usually had little to do with the whole dynamic. Blacks still sat in the Back of Christian Churches. (Need I say more?)

    Alternative Lifestyles were non-existent. There were no Lesbians; just unmarried women who wore dark clothing and “sensible shoes”. Likewise Gay men did not exist, though there was, in each neighborhood, that one unmarried guy who retired from the Navy or was observed to “swish” quite a bit when he walked by. No Gay Rights” or “LGBTQ*

    Ettiquette was ALL pretty much “Male” driven, meaning that Nice Girls NEVER made the first move and those that did were considered “loose”. Women who responded too readily to a male’s attentions were considered needy especially in College where a woman could easily be suspected of trying to get her “MRS” degree.

    Things swung quickly to the other end of the spectrum about 1964 when teens began with pushing the edges of the envelope and found energy for their rebellion behind the growing anti-war movement (see: Vietnam) and social fuel in the Music Industry of the times (see: Rock and Roll). Yet, across ALL age groups, politics and economics (see: Recessions, 10 year intervals) were the huge determinants about who was going to pair with whom”.

    There that oughta get ya started…….