So this question is money related, and expensive can mean many things for people. So first dates, generally have some cost (coffee, lunch, dinner, movie, transportation—gas, uber, taxi) and as do second dates. After this, ”going out” can mean walks and have no cost, but going out to me means events like music, comedy clubs, movie theatres again, live plays/broadway and so on.

after a short while (few weeks to months), it’s now somebody’s birthday, or it could be Christmas around the corner— so more costs for presents and celebrating the affair. So more money being spent on both sides.

how do y’all who are dating someone exclusively afford to do this? Especially those like me who aren’t wealthy, AND don’t make that much money a year?

22 comments
  1. Whoa there partner, based on language in your title or body text it seems like you may be making a huge generalization or have an agenda.
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  2. Unless you’re going out to lavish restaurants and luxury trips I don’t see how a relationship is expensive. There are people who are broke who have been in relationships for ages and are doing just fine. Also being in a relationship does not mean you have to go out and do something all the time. If a relationship is expensive, imo it’s because of the their taste and their own personal preference

  3. Date someone with similar income, or get creative. There’s no reason to spend a ton on dates, some of the most memorable are when you don’t do the boring dinner and a show thing. Go for a hike, go to an open-air art museum, just walk around the city talking. There’s a million things that are better for connecting than a movie or concert that only distract you from talking and looking at each other. Being entertained costs money and does you a disservice, when you do the entertaining it’s generally free.

  4. My friend gardens and goes to the library and reads with his SO. They build stuff to save money. They love being frugal together. They love minimalism together.

    My gf splits half on everything pretty much at her own desire. She wants to travel, so do I.

    Point being… you can find someone who matches you.

    Also, if the other person is considerably richer just have a discussion about what your budget for entertainment is and if you go over that you’d be happy to go but you couldn’t afford it then they’ve got the option to pay and you’ve communicated your comfort level.

  5. We would split the bills, or pay every other outing @ a certain point when going out… its pretty much the same as being single, just paying for you.

  6. No, it’s not expensive. You go out and spend money with friends and family. Being in a relationships means you swap those friends and family for your date instead. Cost doesn’t change. If you end up living with them, you save money on rent/mortgage, bills and benefit from economies of scale, but you will still have the same amount of spare cash because everybody lives within their means 🤷

  7. Lol dates man how about you say forget all that if say a date every two the three weeks is okay especially if your aren’t rich if you want to see her do something inexpensive go to a museum a gallery wine tasting honestly Groupon should be your best friend and she doesn’t have to know

  8. You don’t have to spend that much money, but you do want to find a partner with the same financial expectations as you. In other words, if you don’t want to spend much on your partner, you want someone who is okay with that. They might be someone who likes spending on their partner but doesn’t require it in return, or someone who doesn’t like spending and doesn’t require it.

  9. Also, if you think about it eventually your dates could turn into a long term relationship (1+ year) and then you might be moving in together, etc. People in relationships save so much more $ long term than single people because they can split the bills on double the income.

  10. Real honest answer. It will be at a minimum more costly than not having one, unless and this is a big unless, you live together. In that case it could be “cheaper” to be in a relationship.

    That said, yes, you will be spending money on things and events you didn’t before. And if your girl is the type that likes to go out a lot it could get crazy lol. Not gonna lie I’ve had situations where I was like damn can I afford to keep dating this girl? Because she had money and just liked going out a lot so didn’t see why she should start going for walks and shit because I was broke lol.

    Its like a lifestyle compatibility thing in a lot ways.

  11. Ultimately you want someone who likes you for you, the real you, so whatever you’re comfortable spending is the amount to spend.

  12. Not really unless your partner is high maintenance.

    In this economy, I’m sure many have learned to be a bit more frugal though

  13. Honestly, i have never had a relationship where going out often was a thing. Usually a few times in the beginning till we get comfortable enough with each other to just chill at each other’s places. And then it usually comes down to the expenses you would have anyway, like streaming services and snacks. Sure, there are still birthdays, Christmas, Valentine’s day and anniversaries, but it’s not like you absolutely have to buy something expensive or anything at all, since you can just decided that putting the money towards a nice date is better than than a gift.

  14. dinner’s are boring as fuck. i avoid it as much as i can not for the money but you have to sit in a chair for hours and talk. i prefer getting a beer or a sandwich on the go and walk somewhere nice. You can go for a kiss and a hug also. fuck restaurants we can cook at home.

  15. Yeah, when I was dating my monthly entertainment/going out expenditure nearly doubled. Not beacuse I kept buying her stuff and picking up the bill, but I would simply go out more.

    You now have a whole other person you go out a few times a week with, in addition to friends. Even if its a cheapo stay at home date, you have to order food or get some drinks. Even if the date is going to the library or taking a walk, you probably will get a coffee and snack and it’s gonna cost more than staying at home playing CS GO. Even if you’re frugal, it’s more expensive than being single.

  16. Depends what you do and what they expect. My ex and I were happy going to the beach and grabbing a coffee or hanging out at home and watching movies or TV shows at home or going for walks. We didn’t eat out all the time and sometimes would just go to a food court or McDonalds and occasionally a movie. We’d also cook for each-other and split meals so no one was paying for the other.

    On the other hand, my friend dated a toxic girl from his city and she expected him to drive to her and go out for dinner or get Uber eats all the time and he bought her flowers and gifts.

    So depends on the person and the relationship. Some people don’t want a huge present for their birthday or Christmas and are fine with something small and significant or an experience. It’s more expensive than being single but it does have to be hugely expensive.

  17. I would say being in a relationship is more expensive than being single. Dinners out, dates, gas from going from a to b, gifts.

  18. There is a thing called splitting the Bill, I know it’s crazy but it does exist
    You also don’t have to go out every day when you are in a relationship lol

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