I have no one else to ask in real life and I’m looking for a general view people’s opinions to understand what is ‘fair’.
If the working parent has a busy job – high pressure, 12 hour shifts, nights, weekends, has to stay behind at work for 1-1.5 hr almost daily etc…should they be expected to help with caring for a baby when they get home?
Even though the stay at home parent has arguably had a less stressful day, has had time to eat a meal, time to piss, time to have a rest while the baby sleeps.
Is it fair to expect the working parent to carry out 50% of caring duties when they return home?
Context: I am the stay at home parent, so my opinion is clear from the post. I feel this way but I don’t think it’s fair on my other half and perhaps my mind is just a bit clouded by all the stress and loneliness.
7 comments
I think caring for your child is something both parents need to do equally or as close to equal as possible. I know how bad it can be when only one parent does most/all of it.
No matter if you think it’s fair or not, I’d hope your partner would want to do more even after working hard.
Why have a child then leave it to someone else?
Try talking more.
Parenting is a team sport.
If shit needs doing then the team need to work together to get it done.
In my house I’m the breadwinner and I would not fucking dream of quibbling about then also pulling my weight on the parenting side once work is finished.
Yes both parents should be pulling their weight outside of work hours, you should also work a way so you *both* get some down time
If the child is below school age then they need pretty much constant care when they’re awake. Even if it’s just keeping an eye on them to make sure they’re not doing anything dangerous. The naps are the only respite.
So I would expect the working parent to do about 50% of the childcare and housework when both parents are home.
I’m the working parent (whilst my wife is on maternity leave), and I couldn’t imagine not doing at least some of the care when I’m at home – from a purely selfish standpoint it’s my daughter who makes bad days at work worth it and not having any time with her is a wrench, and the non-selfish side of that is that when I’ve had a long day, so has my wife – often largely alone with a young baby, she too needs a break in order to not be dangerously tired whilst doing childcare the next day. I don’t usually work bad hours though.
I had 8 weeks paternity leave when my daughter was born, returning to work felt like a break in of itself. I couldn’t be a full time stay at home parent.