So it was a very late hour (although for us college students I don’t think 12 AM is too late but I digress) and I texted a classmate (not particularly close but we had many chats before about class and not-class related things) about a class related thing. The reply I got was “is this so urgent that you have to text me at 12 am?” Apparently, I “need to understand that texting people that late, unless it’s urgent, is not cool” and “she thought something had happened when she suddenly got a text, and she was just about to go to bed”.Am I honestly insane to think that if people don’t want to reply to a text that late they can just ignore it and answer the next day, and if they don’t want any notifications late at night they can just put their phone on mute or they can turn it off? I know it’s different if it’s like, your professor or boss or something, but was I really wrong to text a classmate at 12 am to ask her about a class related subject? Personally I always either mute or turn off my phone at night, and I wouldn’t mind if I get at a late hour because I know I can just reply it whenever I’m available. I feel like this classmate was being overly… sensitive? and even bossy about this whole thing, like jeez, if you hate it so much just mute your phone.
3 comments
Idk, I feel like yeah it is kind of rude. Not everyone can or does put their phone in do not disturb at night, so I can see her being annoyed.
Also, it was late, it seems like your question could have waited til the morning.
In the future, I’d avoid texting anyone after 10 or 11 pm, just to be polite.
Hope this helps!
We can’t tell people what to get annoyed at and what not to. Others will live their lives how they want to and have their own boundaries. Maybe she was wanting to relax a bit before bed and not think about studies. Maybe she doesn’t put her phone on do not disturb so her friends could get in touch in an emergency. Who knows.
What you consider as acceptable others may not, such is life. Don’t get upset when someone else’s ideas don’t match your own, everyone is going to be different.
If she hasn’t let you know before you now know the boundary is there. So it’s up to you if you want to blame her for being upset at you for crossing a boundary of hers, which will only make things worse between you two. Or apologize to her if you still want to keep her as a contact.
The thing is, you don’t know what else goes on in her life that shaped her response to you. What kind of understandings and agreements she has with other people in her life regarding texting and calling after hours. It’s possible she has people that rely on her being available for emergency contact, but the agreement is that they only use it when it’s serious emergency. So any text that comes through is “omg something bad has happened!!” It’s possible people have abused that agreement previously. (Yes, I have personal experience with this). She may at this point have a panic response when she gets texts at night, which is obviously not ideal before going to sleep. Just giving you a possible explanation for her reaction. If she needs to be available for emergency contacts, she can’t have her phone off or on no-disturb.
Yes, this is not every person’s experience, and yes, many people have no issue with getting texts at night or muting phones. She does. And it would have been better if she was able to communicate her boundary in a more chill way. But the way she responded is another indication of how stressful and disturbing it is to her.