My BF got into an argument with me on the day of my godfather’s burial. I was already upset.
What triggered it? I asked him how his day was and when he didn’t answer I just asked “did you have a favorite part of today or a really bad part?” and he got upset with me because he felt that I was breaking boundaries because he didn’t want to answer.
I just wanted to talk and hear him talk about his day because I felt bad for being too sad.
Did I cross a boundary? Is that not normal?
31 comments
Doesn’t sound like you crossed any boundary whatsoever, if he doesn’t want to talk then he needs to say it using his mouth. He overreacted and is being immature.
Also if he can’t be there for you on the day of your godfather’s funeral supporting you and instead making it about himself, is he really a good bf? Think about it.
WTF? Nah. He’s being unreasonable.
Kinda sounds like he wasn’t getting as much attention as the dead guy so he threw a fit in order to direct your attention where he wanted it. Or he’s an idiot. Or both.
Big boys use their words to say how they feel. You don’t have a boyfriend, you have a toddler.
No you did not cross a boundary. He did not say anything to answer your question so you can ask it again. He was rude. If he did not want to answer the question he should have said that.
It is not normal to not say anything after your boyfriend/girlfriend ask you a question.
This is not what the word boundary means. A boundary is something expressed, first of all. He can’t just expect mind-reading. Also, boundaries are consistent and not purely based on how you feel about a given conversation. For example, a boundary (but a wild boundary you’d have every right to think was a deal breaker) might be “I hate being asked how my day went and don’t want you to do that.” A boundary is NOT “today I don’t feel like answering you and you should read my mind about that.
This seems like a pretty transparent attempt to pick a fight on a day you need support.
He sounds immature, full of himself, and quite insensitive.
wait, let me check, yep still no man shortage. why do you put up with someone who doesn’t seem to care about or even like you?
Similar story. When my first boyfriend broke up with me he told me that I asked him to go to my uncles funeral and it was over the line but we had been together for over a year at the time, he could have said no but instead went with me and then flipped out a few weeks later, but it showed me that people are weird around death and that that boy wasn’t the one for me. How could someone say that I was too much because I asked him to come to a funeral with me, and when I asked to talk about his feelings he shut me out. Boys like this need to grow up. They are in la la land.
No, you did nothing wrong. He just an idiot.
What boundary? When I don’t want to talk I say so. It doesn’t count as a boundary if he doesn’t communicate it. Like, I can have a boundary that people can only speak to me when they’re standing to my left but if I don’t tell anyone i don’t get to throw a hissy when someone approaches me and starts talking while facing me.
Unless the boundary is normal and ongoing (don’t punch me in the face) he can’t just get pissy when you don’t fucking guess what the boundary of the day is.
I honestly hate when toxic people steal words from the mental health community and twist them around to bludgeon others.
Boundaries need to be set first. He should just have said that he doesn’t want to talk about it. You can’t read his mind.
Guy wants to be the victim on your godfathers funeral. There is no boundary or argument here. He’s just doing things to play the victim
Not sure how asking after someone’s day crosses a boundary, sounds more like he didn’t want to hear about yours so shut the conversation down by not talking about his tbh
It’s pretty normal if your boyfriend is a disinterested douche. “Not feeling like answering” a light question like yours is rude, not a boundary
Do you guys usually fight over boundaries? Lately people seem to throw that word around anytime communication is missed. He didn’t make it clear he didn’t want to talk about it. Also, sure if you crossed a boundary I’d hope he had more empathy to know you’re going through a hard time and deserve grace. Sounds really emotionally selfish
If he didn’t want to talk about his day for whatever reason he could’ve just said that. He picked a fight when you’re already going through a rough time. I don’t see the value in such a relationship.
Bf is a joke at 24. Find another!
Not saying anything does not constitute setting a boundry. Quite frankly it’s just really rude to ignore someone when they speak to you directly.
“Not answering” is not the same as “I don’t want to talk about it”. You cannot read his mind, and if he doesn’t want to talk, then he still needs to use his words.
Also – not answering when someone asks you a question is rude AF and disrespectful. As is starting a fight with someone on the day of their godfather’s funeral is not okay.
I’m sorry for your loss, OP – you deserve better treatment than you’re getting from your BF. I hope you end up in a relationship where you’re loved, cherished, respected and supported – you deserve it.
Most men have a functioning penis so there’s no need to stay with an idiot and pass his genes on to the next generation….. you can stop his line right here by moving on and find a better partner.
Okay, I really wish people used their therapy words properly and didn’t just throw them around to manipulate other people.
You did *not* break a boundary. You asked a question, he rudely didn’t respond, you asked again. If he’d maybe answered ‘hey, I’m not having a great day. Can I decompress, and give you an answer in a bit’ then you’d be pushing his boundary by continuing to ask.
He’s just being an asshole in the midst of your grief. I’m sorry for your loss.
He did not communicate a boundary. If he doesn’t feel like talking, he needs to use his words like a big boy and communicate that to you, instead of giving you the silent treatment.
He needs to grow up. You did nothing wrong. Tell him to eat a snickers bar and to not take his shit out on you. You suffered a loss and still checked on his day because you care about him. He’s jus being a little bitch.
He just didn’t want to talk; that’s not a boundary. He could have communicate it with words, but he chose to be rude af.
Sounds like a trait of narcissism where they can’t stand it if the attention isn’t all or at least mostly on them. They at least require that any situation they are in makes it possible for all the attention to be on them if they desire it to be. I would keep my eye open for other red flags that he may display unhealthy narcissistic traits, because with too many on display, well he could be a narcissist and deeeer god do not waste your twenties going crazy for that. By waste I mean relinquish entirely. Good luck and I wish for you a bubble of protection from a very good wizard to aid you in dealing with any other possible insanity you may encounter.
You tried to initiate a conversation.
So, unless his boundary = no communication, you did nothing wrong…other than dating your BF.
I feel like there is a lot of context missing from this post. I mean you mention the funeral but don’t really go into it AT ALL, like people are supposed to just mind read your and his feelings on the day. Are you just trolling for sympathy?
This is not normal.
This is abusive.
Particularly cruel considering life events.
Get rid of boyfriend and therapy to undo the ways he’s warped you
So he took a day when you really needed emotional support and made it about him instead. You sure this man is your future?
Where does the funeral fit in? Why are talking to him like a 5-year old?