What do men really think of proposals?

31 comments

1. Hate them. Too much societal pressure and not enough discussion and contemplation as a couple.

2. Don’t give a shit.

   Now quit pandering for attention.

3. I’ll probably do something small and private. Neither of us like huge public gestures, and thats fine

4. They’re certainly a thing that happens.

5. i think there’s a shitload of pressure and expectations built up around it. ditto for weddings. people wanting to one-up other proposals. what a load of shit.

   way too many women just “want a wedding”. it’s sick. i fear they don’t grasp the crazy amount of sacrifice, compromise, and commitment healthy, functioning marriages require.

   my sister in law…perfect example. demanded a Princess Wedding. everything had to be perfect. she literally told her bf “you’d better come up with the best proposal EVER.”

   $65,000 and 3 years later, they’re divorced.

   ​

   i was lucky. i got the Good Sister. eloped to new orleans, married on the street by jackson square, total wedding + rings + other expenses = $5500 out the door.

   21 years this october.

6. I don’t like the idea of them.

   More specifically the really grandiose public ones with loads of people around watching and clapping going “wwoooOooOoooohhh” like a zoo exhibit.

   I’m a really private person with stage fright. If I were to propose it would be in a 1 on 1 setting, in a quiet place rather than some random restaurant or public fountain.

   I’m not flashy, I don’t like attention or the limelight and I feel it should be a special moment between two people without random idiots making commotion.

   Plus if you get rejected in private, sure it’ll hurt, but nobody saw. Think of the humiliation of a public proposal rejection.

7. Propaganda that sells to women when they’re young and is inflated beyond hell

   Weddings and jewelry are inflated beyond all

   “Dream weddings” lol

   Same thing with proposals

8. No you are not broken, you just didn’t drink the cool aid

9. My wife would have hated a big showy public proposal. I proposed in our living room, just the two of us.

10. Makes no difference to me, it’s all about finding something that appeals to your significant other.

11. They think it’s a dumb tradition and get stressed out about it knowing they NEED to make it special and memorable.

12. I dream of someday just sitting on the couch watching some bullshit, turning to my partner, and saying, “hey, you wanna get married?” and having that be enough.

    I really don’t want it to be a whole production. Same for the wedding; I just want to go to a courthouse and sign some papers and be done.

13. Never cared for them, I know some people that’s all about them

14. Quite silly. I’d never do it.

15. The wedding process in general seems… sigh…

    Designed to separate as much money from people as possible.

    If I had a $3,000 budget to throw a party, I guarantee it’s going to be a hopping party. But for a wedding it’s nearly nothing.

    Starting with the proposal and The ring, social expectation seems to want couples to get into debt.

    That said, my preference for austerity did hurt my wife’s feelings. I wish I had gotten her a better ring because she was quite disappointed by that and I love her.

    This topic makes me feel trapped by having nothing but bad choices.

    You don’t want any of it? Sounds ideal to me

16. Haha No need for her to fantasize about being proposed to…

    I think she’d do better to fantasize about picking out an engagement ring that knocks her socks off even though its stone isn’t part of the diamond industry sham.

17. If I would ever propose. I would do it on beautiful place. Just two of us with no one around.

    I would make ring from violin string until I buy real one. Which would depend on her reaction first time.

18. It should be a “private” thing, I don’t like people who propose in public or involve others to get that “yes”, too much pressure on the girl and it looks like forcing someone to say yes (who the hell would say no in front of a bunch of people who are probably on the man’s side?). I don’t think it’s overrated but it has to be done at the right moment in the right place and make it memorable. I’m a reserved person so as far as I’m concerned I don’t like to post it on social medias, I always say to myself “who would care except our families?”

19. Marriage sucks. Weddings suck.

20. She expected one, I meet expectations.

    If she wasn’t into it I would have skipped it.

21. Proposed to my wife on our couch and we went out for dinner after she said yes.

    “Made for social media” proposals, with photographers and carefully chosen locations, are way too much pressure on both parties. Unless the conversation has been had before and you KNOW it’s gonna be a yes, springing a huge question on somebody in public is a surefire way to get a “yes” there and a “no,” later. Or worse, a “no” there and now she’s really embarrassed in front of a huge crowd of people.

22. In general?

    I think women care more about proposals than men.

    Women almost never propose so they don’t have to go through the stress of examining the relationship and woman.

    Looking at the pros/cons and then planning the proposals and then actually doing it.

    Women are on the receiving end so they can enjoy the moment(if they want to get married to him that is). She can enjoy all the positive emotions.

    The man meanwhile has to deal with the possibility that she’ll refuse (even if he believes that she will say yes, the doubt is still there).

    If she says yes there will happiness but it’s mixed with stress removal for the guy.

    So women love thinking about the fantasy of experiencing the proposal but men have to deal with the reality of actually doing it.

23. I hate the whole process of proposal and wedding. Society puts a enormous pressure on the guy to propose. Stupid videos with basically choreography or mini crews acting to create the atmosphere for the proposal sucks. Then the weeding 9/10 the girl becomes bridezilla. All of that money wasted could be save by a trip to the court a fancy dinner with friends and family, and a good downpayment for a house.

24. FYI don’t feel that you don’t follow the crowd (fantasizing about proposals) makes you broken.

    You don’t have enjoy everything that women seemingly like. Everyone is different.

    That doesn’t make you broken.

25. Fuck that. Just another women-centric romantic norm honestly.

26. Personally I think just asking the question and not making a fanfare about it. First off it puts pressure on everyone unfairly. Second of you really wanna do the whole kneel down coordinate it so you can properly show off.

27. It’s kind of thing you only do once, then live to regret – one way or the other. Like Nancy Regan said: just say no!

28. My ex and I talked too about this early on when we were dating. She didn’t have a big fantasy on a proposal, which took loads of pressure off me. So I planned how I’d want to do it. Obviously I didn’t get the chance to ever do it but it was nice to think about. Although there was the thought of would other people think it was “enough”, not that I really cared, I just didn’t want both of us to hear about it a bunch of it had worked out

29. I think it would be a nice opportunity to create a special moment for “us”. My idea is private and tailored to things that would make it special for us and only us, not something grandiose that anyone could do, so I think that sentimental moment would be nice.

    There are MANY aspects of the whole marriage process though that I think are ridiculous (including ring expectations), so I don’t think you are broken at all. You are probably just on the logical end of things and see that a lot of this stuff is just preying on people’s emotional decision making for profit.

30. Not remotely interested in the whole proposal bit but I am very interested by the rings. I took engineering in school and always found metallurgy fascinating and I’m studying geology at the moment so I know a little about gemstones and mineralogy so I find that interesting so rings are a bit of a common overlap of those interests.

31. Proposals are necessary, but many women expect them to be Hollywood style perfect. It’s a lot of pressure on the man to plan things and get everything “perfect.” Not to mention, if you do it in public, with family and friends watching anxiously, it puts a ton of pressure onto the proposed person to say yes, even if they don’t want to. Obviously, if the proposed says no then the proposer feels humiliated. The impact of the proposal itself should be enough. It’s literally telling someone that you value them so much that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Trying to “woo” the person that you are trying to propose to all in one day/evening seems a bit desperate. Your experiences together before the proposal day should already convey your values, qualities and intentions.

    Save the glamour for the wedding day and make sure that your SO is actually considering how you’ll will make the marriage work, not just for the title and the wedding day. Sadly, this is missing from the majority of western society.