So here’s some context:
for months we planned out which colleges and locations we liked the best and we decided on 10 schools to apply to. We luckily got into some of the same ones together. We have been dating for a year and a half and we are extremely committed to each other. She makes me the happiest man alive and I seriously can’t imagine my future without her in it, and we talk about having kids and growing old together. I’ve read so much about how this is a horrible idea and that i shouldn’t do it, but if I don’t take this chance I think i would regret it for the rest of my life. I would love to get any input or opinions about this. Thank you.
tl;dr
I want to go to college with my girlfriend but everyone keeps telling me it’s a bad idea.
13 comments
As long as the college you end up attending offers good programs and opportunities for the degree you are pursuing and you like the environment there. I would recommend you each having separate dorms. College is a time of great personal growth and it’s important to maintain your individuality during.
The only reason it would be an ok idea is if it was a good school for *you*.
You’re 18…she’s17. The actual chances of you ending up together are pretty slim although it *does* happen. But choosing a school that isn’t right for you because you’re dating someone is an expensive mistake that you may not recover from for many years.
The “Everyone” you should be listening to are your parents and guidance counselors. Not strangers on Reddit.
If you’re meant to be, you’ll manage long distance.
Choose a school thats right for YOU. If it happens to match your gfs goals, then great. But don’t base your decision solely on where she goes.
Basing your future and the rest of your life on a relationship that has a high probability of not lasting is never a good idea.
Your both young and will likely grow apart from each other through collage as your preferences for yourselves and a partner change.
I know that’s not what you want to hear but that’s the truth about most relationships your age.
So plan your life out based on YOUR dreams and goals, not what you think will make your relationship last.
You are your number 1 priority, especially when it comes to education.
As someone who started uni in September and ended a 3 year relationship a few months ago, nothing is permanent especially at this age.
You both need to make sure you’re doing whats best for your future and not the others, if its meant to be it will be
no. Enjoy your college experience
Shouldn’t be afraid to make mistakes. Your career will take care of you both so keep that in mind too
It’s not a bad idea, as long as the college you decide on is a good fit for you personally. My ex and I did a similar thing, we had been dating for 2 and a half years, were super committed to a future together, and decided to move across the country together to go to college. We ended up breaking up 6 months later but since we both loved the school itself and didn’t have any permanent living arrangements it wasn’t a big deal. I don’t regret anything.
4 Years from now you’ll be a million times more concerned about student debt and the value of your major
I have a friend who was in a similar situation and they did wind up in the same place. It didn’t work out and dampened multiple years of her college experience. So I’d recommend against it based on that alone.
I’d suggest not discussing school options with each other. If you’re extremely committed, it doesn’t matter where you go. Make your decisions independently of one another. Pick the school that fits you/your academic/professional goals best and when you’ve both come to decisions, share where you’re going.
I personally think college name doesn’t matter much. As long as it’s a decent program that suits you the college experience will be more or less the same. So as long as the college isn’t a total inconvenience to you, I would say go to the same school as your girlfriend. If you two end up breaking up in the future, college has so many people that you won’t really see her
Do whatever makes you happy, but I would choose separate accommodation
Edit: love the negativity of this sub. As long as the college has courses pertaining to both their needs who cares if they go together
my bf and i got tg at 17 & chose different colleges, we did long distance for the 4 years and everything worked out fine, we’re still together! i was an athlete, he was a frat guy, we both lived our lives, made friends and enjoyed the experience while visiting when we could. you have to pick a college that’s best for you, not just because she’s going to it. if you’re committed to one another then going to two different colleges shouldn’t be an issue, if you feel like the relationship won’t last if you separate- then maybe the relationship was never meant to last in the first place. whether it be the one she’s going to or not, pick a college that feels like it will be your best fit and give you the best experience because that’s most important. good luck!!
I think I’m going against the grain here- but my sister and her husband met in high school, dated, and then went to college together. They’re married and have been married for 7 years, have some pets and a house, everything’s great. Awesome couple, high school sweetheart success story. Literally never dated anyone else, either of them. My high school boyfriend, and my other sisters high school boyfriend, are no longer around, despite the fact that we both legit thought we’d marry those people- baby names, future plans, all that. I was with mine for *years*, including through part of college. So statistically yeah, you may not end up with this girl long term- BUT, why does that stop you from going to college with her and finding out? The only thing to be sure of is that it’s fair for both of you- whichever school you pick, do you both want to go there? Does it cover the programs you both want? Pick a few acceptable schools separately, acting like you’re going there purely for you- and then pick one that’s on both your lists. I assume yall are starting with your generals anyway, so it may not make as much of a difference which one you start at. Act like you’ll break up in 6 months- will you still want to be at that school? If so, then go for it. Date each other, and then either one or both of you will decide they want the “young single adult college experience”… or maybe you won’t and in 10 years you’ll be graduated with careers and a baby or whatever. The only reason not to is because break ups are hard when you’ve got exams or whatever and some people really do want to try out the party lifestyle and feel cheated if they don’t. However, you might feel cheated if you try the party lifestyle and realize monogamy was more your style and now your girlfriend is gone. Either way is the potential for regret- but on one hand, you’ve got a few years if you want to change course. I see no harm in going together, even if it’s just to make sure you have no regrets.