He has told me that in his last relationship, they took a break for 6 months, during which time he fathered a child. When they decided to give things another go, he never told his ex girlfriend about the baby until one year later.
He has also told me that he found out that his (now deceased) father cheated and had a child out of wedlock. He has never shared this information with his mother, despite knowing it for almost 10 years now.
Are these red flags for someone who has trouble having tough conversations and being honest?
3 comments
Well, yes.
I can see him not telling his mom what he knows – because what good would that do?
But that he kept his child (or “his” pregnancy & infant) a secret from his ex certainly speaks to his character. He kept that a secret as self-protection, and his gf had a right to know that very important piece of information.
It’s also important to know how he feels now about keeping that secret. Justified? Ashamed? People can evolve, and he may now realize that he was wrong to keep that from his gf. He might have learned something.
If not, he’s not a guy I’d want to date.
Absolutely I would not date him in particular. That’s not just a small “secret” that’s deception and very very scary. If he can do something of that magnitude to the previous girl without guilt I would run for the hills.
The secret keeping thing can be a double edged sword. Useful if he’s good about not telling other people’s secrets but bad if he’s keep secrets from you.
However this guy just sounds awful, not for the secrets part but about… everything else you mentioned. Just yuck