I (44F) read these posts of children being abused by their parent and confronting the parent and the parent lying, apologising or doubling down. And I don’t get it.
My mom (66F) was abusive. I was the eldest of 4 and I received the brunt of my mums anger/anxiety/depression. If it wasn’t for by siblings I would have walked away a long time ago.
There’s no confronting her. What would I even say? Her response to anything I say would be
“Why are you saying this?”
“That never happened”
“I don’t remember that”
“Why are you treating me like this?”
“Why are you lying?”
some shouty words,
tears,
because –
ultimately,
I’m a nasty person.
My mom would tell my dad (68M) contact my siblings (42F, 40F, 38F), there would be a family fall out! Eventually, after about 6 months, it would settle down, pass, and things would get back to normal; except nasty ole me has another black mark against my name.
Nothing would change. Just 6 months of drama, tears, and cross feelings. When is it ever worth it?
TLDR: I believe my mom (66F) is a narcissist and she spent my childhood angry and depressed due to abuse she received from her father (now deceased). She was abusive to me and I can’t walk away as I would never leave the rest of my family. Besides, now I’m older, I’m not angry with her, I’m just sad that this is the way it is. What do children get out of confronting their parent when they know the abuse would never be acknowledged?
2 comments
Did you ever read the narcissistic prayer
That didn’t happen.
And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is, that’s not my fault.
And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
The best thing is to walk away, block them for eternity and never look back. It a seamless pit of dark hole that would Suck you in. Narcissist destroys souls.
Children who confront their narcissistic parents are not doing it because they think the parents would say, “Yes, you are right. I am an ahole. I see that now. I am so sorry. Can you forgive me?” (How cool would that be???
Children who confront their narcissistic parents do it for themselves. To take back the power lost. To reaffirm that they were hurt by this person. To accept that the person who should have protected and loved you above all else, absolutely did not. To finally call them ahole people and being done with wanting a relationship with them.
The confrontation is about you. It’s for you. If your family gives you shit, all they are doing is confirming that what your mom did was okay. That’s not okay and you can cross them off your list, too.