Overseas with my former partner recently separated , we live together, have been for 18 mths and just recently separated as that’s what she wants as she “doesn’t want to be with anyone and wants to work on herself” / hasn’t been happy.
She’s an introvert, I’m an extrovert and she’s had a hard time recharging her batteries around me which I’ve been trying to improve on by giving her more alone time, down time and/or space.
We’ve had a few disagreements, and at times I have made the classic mistake of coming on stronger with reassurance rather than backing off and leaving a bit of time for things to cool off.
I adore her and would never cheat on anyone but she told me recently she thinks I may have played up on her in the past. So it looks like she doesn’t trust me at times however at others does. We discussed this and she also mentioned that sometimes she tells me she wants to break up in the heat of the moment and doesn’t mean it but she’s since taken that back.
She’s still wearing the promise ring she wanted / I gave her however switched hands from the wedding hand to the other and we just left on the overseas holiday we had booked together. I didn’t think going away would be an issue as we’d have the opportunity to give each other space and possibly discuss how she’s feeling at some point and reconnect.
I’ve now just been thrown a curve ball and been told that the weekend of her telling me she wants to separate she spent the weekend with a friend / (who she has slept with in the past), the first night at his house and the second in a hotel room which I was initially spending the night with her in however she asked me not to come and said she wanted some alone time. She also sent me messages / photos saying she was off to sleep and taking off her makeup and goodnight which I now know was before he arrived.
When she came home from that weekend she avoided eye contact and was very sheepish, when I asked what she got up to she said she just stayed with a friend, I said does said friend have a name as we would never usually not just naturally say who we saw etc and she said it was none of my business.
We should both speak to friends and have support when needed but I don’t understand why she didn’t go to any of the usual girls she had spoken to before about personal things but rather to this guy from the past.
She has always has been straightforward and I’ve never doubted her before but now she’s closed me off and is not acting in the same trustworthy manner.
I am hesitant to bring it up right away and would like to process this as it hurts and it may also make her feel anxious as we’re a long way from home so I was going to ask her that we put aside a moment to discuss a couple of important things when she’s up to it and let her know that I’m aware that she stayed with him all weekend and that I’d just like her to be honest.
The issue isn’t that she spent the night with a guy as it may be brash and sudden but technically if she says she doesnt want to be together you have to take that seriously and she can do whatever she wants but this is behaviour that she would hate and not accept from me and she has decided to purposely mislead me by saying she was alone etc.
Not to mention I don’t think she would move on that quickly and is on meds for a current sexual health issue so it’s unlikely sexually motivated.
She’s been having a really stressful time financially, career wise, with friends and feeling that many friends aren’t there for her, so this may explain a bit and I dont want to let out emotions in response to my hurt even though my extroverted self wants to dicuss things immediatley I’d rather cool off and figure out if I can support her in the ways she needs, if she does…
I guess I’m tyring to figure out if there is a way I can best open up the lines of communication again and grow with her not apart.
TLDR; Feeling pretty hurt and let down, like everything’s come down on top of us at once and I’m facing an uphill battle.
We’re overseas for a long break and now I just copped a curve ball which she hasn’t been honest or straightforward with me about.
Checking in to our hotel for a 5 day stay this evening. I’m thinking a few days of exploring solo may be best. Any advice and opinions much appreciated.
1 comment
Enjoy your holiday solo. Part ways when you get back.
Tell her that you understand that she has moved on and think it would be best for your own happiness that you end this relationship. She has already checked out of trying.