Tl;dr: Partner makes significantly more money than me, but expects or spending to be equal, even when doing things he suggests
He(27) makes $30k more than I(26) do. I’m still considered to be on the lower income scale, living in literally the most expensive city.
As much as I believe things should be equal, I also think they should be fair. Meaning that his constant want for things to be 50/50 puts such a financial strain on me.
I don’t expect a partner to pay for everything and do the most. I just want each of our financial contributions to be reflective of our incomes.
4 comments
I don’t think what you’re suggesting is fair. He shouldn’t have to pay more because he makes more money.
If he suggests doing something that would cause you financial strain, you’re well within you rights to say:
“I would love to do it, but I can’t afford to financially. I’m sorry.”
I would say it depends on the circumstances. If you are in a long term, committed relationship I think it is fair to each contribute a similar percentage to shared expenses e.g. rent and stuff. If you are not living together and don’t have any shared expenses then I would also say it is not fair. If it is about dates and stuff like that then if he wants to do a certain thing and you can’t afford it, it’s okay to say that you can’t afford it and if he still wants to do it, then I would say it is fair for him to pay.
Until you’re married you should treat your incomes totally separate. Do your own monthly budget and if you can’t afford to split a date night just say that and suggest something cheaper. If he still wants to do the more expensive thing then he can cover the cost.
I make about $40k more than my partner annually; I also bought a house prior to meeting him. Our agreement is that he does not contribute to the mortgage at all (i.e. he does not pay rent), and we split all other household expenses and dates 50/50.
I don’t have enough information to make a judgment on your specific situation. I’m not sure whether you’re living together, whether one or both of you has children from a previous relationship, whether you’re monogamous or not. I don’t know what your gender is, and gender bias certainly affects career paths. IMO all of these factors need to be considered in determining what is fair.