I suppose this question is for any age, but I’m about to be turning 40 and getting back out into the dating world for the first time in many years. I’ve always thought of myself as trying to be a gentleman around women, especially when dating. However, is this type of behavior still appreciated when dating these days? It almost seems like well mannered behavior makes you old school these now.
Am I off-base here? If not, what are some of the “modern “ways that women appreciate a gentleman and what are some of the most desired gentleman characteristics, subtle or otherwise. Ladies, would really love to hear your feedback as well.
26 comments
What does being a gentleman mean to you?
A gentleman …. Someone that acts with flair, respect and all of that, but is strong, driven with clear boundaries.
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A walkover. A guy that has no spine, no personality and just makes puppy sounds to appease the woman.
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When guys complaint about women not liking gentlemen, they tend to be walkovers pretending that their weakness makes them gentlemen.
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That is not you, is it?
Put other needs before his own …
“Gentleman” always was a very unrealistic thing.
in its true definition a “gentleman” is a man who doesnt need to work cause he is filthy rich.
These posts are so fucking cringe to me.
“Guys do women even like gentleman anymore? I feel like I’m the last of the good ones. All these men out there being jerks and I’m here getting her flowers and holding the door. I guess I’m a relic of a better time.🥺”
Being a gentleman isn’t a personality trait. It just means your a decent dude. A guy can be a gentleman, but be boring or weird as fuck so women won’t like him. On the flip side, a guy can be different and not be a “traditional” gentleman, but he’s super cool and likeable so he ends up getting the girl.
Don’t worry about how gentlemanly you are. Just work on being an interesting person.
Be true to yourself. If you’re a chivalrous man, stick to it. There’s many women out there who still appreciate a good man and the little things he does.
I think us women have always liked gentlemen, but the real deal not what nice guys like to call themselves.
A man that respects a woman and himself, its not pushy for sex, doesnt try tricks to get laid, and knows how to get a “no” because he is secure of himself. Knows how to woo a woman without seem desperate or childish.
That will be my definition give or take.
Being an actual gentleman never goes out of style. It’s just sad that many women have never experienced an actual gentleman if they had they would accept nothing less. Good luck OP. Don’t change yourself.
20F here. A gentleman is someone who doesn’t ogle other women, doesn’t follow tons of half naked women on his public social media, and is not in everyone’s dms. Basically, emotionally intelligent enough to be able to understand disrespect both physically and virtually. Another way they can be a gentleman is always be the one to fill gas (even if she is paying), hold her hand in public, be the one to bark back at rude people in public instead of being silent and forcing her to go into her masculine energy. I also like that my partner takes control when we go out in public; I have agoraphobia so I can’t leave the house without a ‘safe’ person and he takes all the guessing work out of being on public transport and on airplanes.
•Being respectful, kind, and having manners
•Ladies first, opening doors
•Walking me to my door if dropping me off at my home or to my car if we met at the location
Being a gentleman gets shit on online for some reason, but in real life most dudes I know behave like gentleman. It’s normal imo
Don’t be someone you’re not. It never works. The right one will find you
Being a gentleman is really just about having composure, showing respect, being kind and considerate toward others.
In the dating world people associate gestures and actions as a sign of whether or not a guy is a gentleman – but anyone can put on a show – so it takes a bit more time to figure out if he’s really a gentleman.
If a guy holds the door for you but let’s it close in the face of the person who was coming through right behind you then that should tell you something.
If he does all of the gentlemanly actions up until you are a confirmed couple and then it just disappears then he was pretending to be a gentleman all along.
So OP, if you are kind, considerate and respectful to people around you without expecting anything in return and without “having to be seen” doing it, then there’s a good chance your idea of being a gentleman is in a good place.
If you think ordering for a woman at a restaurant means that you are being a traditional gentleman than you may need to reassess things.
Gentleman is being old fashioned?
Old fashioned to me is someone who doesn’t value equality.
I prefer men who looks at me as someone who’s equal. Someone who can embrace my independence and strengths and will meet me with kindness and respect. Just like I will see him as my equal and I will meet him with kindness and respect.
She wants to see you being a gentleman as a path to your own self actualization. Therefore, just consider your own view, and act faithfully to it. If you have questions about specifics, just ask her.
Speaking for myself only, yes, it’s still desired and it’s something I look for in a man. To me, a gentleman is someone who treats a lady like a lady. I know there are a lot of angry men out there who believe all women are crazy, emotional, irrational, and easily offended feminists.. and there are a lot of men out there who think women don’t deserve to be treated like ladies because of the gender war that’s going on now. Not every woman is like that. You’ll have to gauge them when you date them.
The reason why I found my first bf attractive despite him being 5’2” and 100 lbs was because he was such a gentleman. His chivalrous acts swept me off my feet on the first night. What did he do? Opened all my doors, pulled out all my chairs, offered me his jacket when it got windy, walked on the outside of the sidewalk, paid for everything, wasn’t a pushy jerk… We dated for nearly five years and if I had to summarize him in a few words, gentleman would be one of them. Some of my best and most unforgettable memories of him are when he would ask me for my car keys and move my car closer so I don’t have to walk in the rain, he always let me have the first and last bite of anything we eat, he looks out for my needs and provides them for me when I’m not even asking for it (ie I needed supplies for a class I was teaching and he helped me out), if we got two of the same thing of anything he would always compare them and gave me the better of the two…. I can go on and on with more examples. I’m not spoiled, I swear! I never asked him to do all these things for me. He just did them. I grew up with seven siblings and had to share everything evenly. I really appreciate him always looking after me making sure I was taken care of and had the best of what he could offer. :’) DAM, I miss him!! I don’t expect to meet another person as much of a gentleman as him.
Actions coming from a place of genuine kindness is nearly alway attractive. But a guy using the trappings of gentlemanly behavior in order to create a sense of obligation or generally being insincere about it is icky.
For specific examples, holding doors is nice, but only doing it for attractive women or getting passive aggressive when strangers don’t respond they way they want is a turnoff. And if a guy gets upset if I hold a door for him if I get there first, then I feel like it’s about something other than being polite.
Flowers can be nice, but if it’s too extravagant a gift too soon, it can feel like an attempt to create a sense of obligation and feel uncomfortable or manipulative.
Being polite to service workers is always a plus.
In general, being considerate of others and respectful of boundaries is always attractive.
I live by the credo of Bill S. Preston Esq. and Ted “Theodore” Logan: Be excellent to each other.
And party on, dudes!
Making her feel safe. I think men are way too pushy. They are in some kind of hurry or rush. I just turned 40 myself. So I been single this entire time due to mostly men lieing…they lie a lot and so much they lie to themselves. I grew up watching black and white movies what I view is actual classic movies. Watch a few of those asking to hold a hand rather then just taking it. So real kindness and not the fake kindness in order to manipulate me into having sex with them… Like I am only being nice to you because I hope you will have sex with me…I don’t find that attractive at all.
I still like when a guy opens the door for me or holds it so I can get to the door. I tend to do this for guys because I am very polite when first getting to know someone. So holding a door for them, I tend to do.
I don’t mind going dutch with a guy or taking turns paying for food. If he wants to pay for meals I wont argue with him. If this is something he likes to do then go right ahead. I prefer honesty and just ask me what I feel comfortable with. I think being respectful, but each person deal respect differently. So I think in the begging asking what does someone feel comfortable with is best.
Being yourself is also good. Be the person you want to be with the person you care about.
I like men to have emotions and I know the difference between being emotional and having a range of emotions. That’s hard for a lot of men and also because their has been a lot of horrible woman out there that wronged them.
So you could do some reading up on the subject and watching classic black and white 30’s and 40’s movies. He holds the door open, he shows concern for her well being, and wants to make sure she’s comfortable. Dressing nice for the date and being clean. Asking her questions about her and taking an actual genuine interest in the things she cares about….and never stop doing that.
THIS IS FOR EVERYONE MAN OR WOMEN: Just because your now in a relationship and dating…you both have to take time to compliment and tell each other you care about each other. Small little things too. Acts of thoughtfulness go a long way in keeping someone happy. Like washing dishes… or offering to rub someone’s feet. Telling someone you smell nice or I like that color on you. This goes for woman to men too. A woman should also remember to let that guy feel safe, wanted, desired, and to make him feel good about himself. A woman should listen and watch for signs that he also needs to be cared about too. Men have been told to hide this but were human we both need to be cared about.
Men can be very good at hiding that they too like to be treated kindly. Soft none sexual touches go a long way. Hand holding or quick light arm squeeze or soft pat on the back, even standing closer to one another when talking to each other. Lots of people these days forget to continue to work on making the relationship good. You both should be each others friend and watch out for each other because now your also family. There is being comfortable but there is being too over comfortable that one of you feels neglected. So check in on each other ever two months and ask if there is anything you both need to work on or might be misunderstanding. Then work on it.
Good luck.
For the most part, a gentleman (or woman) takes care of himself and only after his own needs are met does he give freely and selflessly. The second part is crucial here because if you act gentlemanly only after your needs have already been met, then you are able to act without expecting anything in return.
Remember that this goes both ways. Be a gentleman to everyone you meet, but when it comes to dating, find someone who will truly appreciate what you have to offer and doesn’t take it for granted.
communication and honesty are huge and not everyone meets those standards, I found this out while dating
The thing with “being a gentleman” is women have caught on men tend to do it with some sort of agenda.
As long as you’re not doing that, you’re fine.
the bar is so low that people think men who hold the door for them are a true gentleman lol at least at my age group(im 25)
Heya OP. Being a gentleman is not a bad thing at all, but please remember that being polite and respectful is the bare minimum (for both men and women).
Be generous with yourself. Be grounded. Take time to get to know the woman and let her get to know you. Respect her as an equal.
You will be just fine :).
As a gentleman myself, it’s mostly staying humble and not feeling entitled because you were nice to someone
The old-school gentlemen still applies:
– Confident
– Respectful
– Civil
– Well mannered
– Well spoken
– Driven
– Masculine
– Opens them doors and assists unsolicited
– Kind to everyone
– Aura of authority but talks down to nobody
– Has the means to support himself comfortably
– Clean and daily showered
– A man of integrity
I’m a ho for a gentleman.
I would say there are certainly still gentleman out there these days.
My boyfriend of about 5 months now is one of the sweetest most thoughtful men I’ve ever met.
He does things that I believe are things gentlemen would do for their woman. They’re things he does without me even having to ask him, which is amazing. Are this things bare minimum tasks that everyone should do, yes, do people always do them, no.
These things are, for example, he comes to my house to spend time with me. He will, without even hesitating, clean my dirty dishes that have been sitting in the sink for several hours. He takes care of my new kittens that I just got; cleans their litter boxes, cleans their room and food bowls, etc. He takes my garbage out occasionally. We don’t even live together. He helps me with groceries if he’s out with me. It’s just super thoughtful ways to show he cares, even so early on in our relationship. It proves to me that he is serious about me and why priorities and takes care of me. Even in simple ways, like my litter boxes lol.
It’s honestly such a breath of fresh air to meet men who are gentlemen, or even modern day gentlemen I guess you could say. He’s very conscious of my desires and my boundaries. I told him that before we could actually be exclusively dating, he needed to meet my dad. And so he went out of his way to meet my parents and get their blessing before he asked me to be his girlfriend, because I wanted that.
All in all, yes it is very very much so still appreciated these days. Obviously everyone has their own tastes and opinions but, as a woman, it’s nice to have a man care for you, even in simple ways.