It’s been a few days since I’ve been in the ICU. I can have one overnight guest. My husband has been staying here and sleeping in the chair or on the floor.
I asked him to go home because he looks exhausted, he has barely eaten, but he only left for half an hour to shower shave and change and came back immediately. The most breaks he takes are to pick up gifts he bought online to give me.
I don’t know how to firmly tell him to go home and take care of himself because he looks like a kicked puppy every time I ask. It’s complicated by the fact that I asked him for a divorce shortly before because I wasn’t a priority in his life. I don’t know why he’s acting like this all of a sudden when I was moved from the emergency room to the ICU.
36 comments
Unless you actually don’t want him there, let him stay.
Deal with your relationship issues later, but for now let him stay.
If you’re in the ICU, it’s for a reason. If he wants to be there and doesn’t leave even though you’ve given him permission, then he wants to be there for you.
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Sometimes it takes a tragedy to wake someone up. Maybe he is trying to convince you he loves you. Let it be, unless you want a different overnight guest. You can ban him if you have to.
From the person that sleeps at the hospital ICU with my daughter, it’s not that easy to just leave. Even when I try to go home, I don’t get any sleep there either. At least at the hospital I can get a few hours knowing the nurses are watching her stats. I do go home to shower quickly, and really don’t eat much either. I just really don’t have an appetite for a big meal.
Once you go to a regular room, he’ll probably have to go home. They normally don’t have over night guests for adults on the regular floors.
You asked for a divorce because you weren’t a priority so he is proving to you that you are. And because there is something that could be seriously wrong with your brain, he realizes he could lose you forever, not just through divorce and he is scared to leave you in case that happens while he is gone. Give him a break for the moment and know he is showing love the only he can right now. He will rest when you are home.
He’s dealing with the shock of almost losing you.
Tell the nurses that you don’t want any guests to stay over night tonight. Make them do the work for you. They know how to handle the situation and they will make him leave. It really is that simple.
I get how you feel. I landed in the ICU when I was in college after a drunk driver ran a red light and t-boned me, my mom and girlfriend were basically fighting over who got to stay with me and I really just wanted to be alone. Not that I didn’t appreciate their concern, but having them around stressed me out. I didn’t really want to be around other people for extended periods before I was back on my feet.
I eventually convinced the nurses to send them away so that I could properly rest. Ended up spending a few hours a day with each of them and then getting some peace and quiet so I could recover.
Talk to the nurses, they’re there for your benefit and can be the ‘bad guy’ on your behalf.
In either case, sending you good thoughts and hope you get better soon.
Imagine spending a few days in the ICU worried sick about your wife, barely eating, barely sleeping, anxiousness through the roof and worried sick and all the while your wife is on Reddit asking how to get rid of you.
I know it can be extremely frustrating seeing this 180 shift in his actions, but I think not only did you bringing up divorce, but you ending up in the ICU has given him a serious wake up call. If you really don’t want him there, and want to follow through with the divorce, you can tell the nurses he’s not allowed in, and put your foot down with him. Otherwise, enjoy it. You’re not alone there, and he’s showing that you are a priority, given it’s a bit late, but this could be the turn around if you want your marriage to continue.
I hope you heal quickly and without a brain injury. Obviously he cares if he is there. It can be hard for people who don’t know you well to identify early head injury signs. The earlier they catch it the better. Later signs of head injury are much more noticeable, but it’s best if they can take precautions and interventions if needed sooner rather than later. Sounds like you have some thinking to do since he is certainly (for the time being), making you a priority. Sounds like a painful way to draw someone’s attention though😢
If he’s in the ICU with you… then just enjoy the fact that he isn’t with Bob right now. He is where you need him to be at the time you keed him the most.
Who cares what he looks like. Enjoy the support because your mom is across the country.
AFTER you leave the hospital is when you can have the final talk with him. But, when you leave youay need assistance with food, getting to the bathroom and other basic tasks…
This guy was not there for your birthday.
Let him be there for you now.
Once you are 100% able to take care of yourself again – then have the talk.
IF you are recovering at home and need him and he fuck’s off to help Bob with anything… lock and bolt the doors. Send him a txt msg that he can stay at Bob’s place and you aren’t letting him back in.
For now – you are very ill. Stop worrying about how your visitors look. He’s an able bodied adult. Let him be there for you.
How long before ending up in the ICU did you ask for a divorce?
Any chance that you asking for the divorce was the kick in the ass that made him realise he doesn’t prioritise you and you are leaving him because of that?
My guess is he’s there because he was just faced with actually losing you. As long as he’s getting some sleep here and there, it’s probably best to let him be. He probably shouldn’t be driving when he’s so tired.
You need to tell that man to leave you already said you wanted a divorce the longer you let him be there the more he’s gonna tell himself there’s a chance especially after going through your comments and seeing that you are definitely still going through it there is no reason to let him keep hurting himself for you
How did he take the news of you wanting a divorce??
He’s either staying because he’s worried about you and/or he wants to show that you’re a priority in his life so you won’t divorce him. If you’re genuinely worried about him, tell him that he needs to go home for 12 hours. Tell him that you’re worried about him not sleeping and you’ll be here when he comes back.
I don’t like how these people are telling you to let him stay. You don’t need to do anything you don’t want to do. I am only a nursing student, but I work in the ICU and it sounds to me like having him there is stressing you out, which is not good for you. You need to have zero stress and nothing to worry about besides yourself and feeling better. If he won’t leave after you tell him to, ask your nurse to help you out. I can promise you they will. Good luck to you, get well soon❤️
I thought I recognized your post history. I think your husband had a major life-changing moment and realized he fucked up royally with the way he treated you and his bestie. When the people we love but take advantage of are almost taken away from us we tend to have a “come to Jesus” moment and make adjustments to try to fix things.
This may not be true with your SO and may be too late (which isn’t your fault as he’s been a huge asshole to you), but that may be the reason why he doesn’t want to leave your side. He’s trying to show you’re a priority to him after your accident.
I would say to him you’re fine and can’t heal properly if you’re worried he’ll collapse himself from sleep deprivation and join you in the ICU. Maybe mention the cost that’ll be and how would you guys afford that bill (especially if you’re in the states).
I hope his BFF has the good sense to stay the fuck away from you and your husband now as you don’t need that bullshit right now. Good luck.
Your comfort is what matters. Tell him to respect what you are saying to him and go home.
It could be that, You had asked for a divorce not long ago because you felt like you weren’t a priority. But then you were in an accident (??) and he realises that you could have died and he would have lost you forever. So now he’s terrified to leave. Talk to him as much as you can and tell him “I’m worried for your health. Please get some proper sleep. They will call you if anything changes. But I need you to be healthy right now.” I could be completely off base though!
“I don’t understand why my husband’s behavior has drastically changed **after I asked him for a divorce**”
I’m starting to think bots are creating these posts, or creative authors in search of karma.
Either way, if you don’t want him there, ask him to leave. If you truly don’t mind his presence, don’t.
Is there someone else who can take a “shift” and stay with you for a while so he doesn’t feel like he’s leaving you all alone?
Are you more concerned about him, or about how you feel now after asking for a divorce
He may not want to leave your side. Honestly having a man there to help advocate for you at a hospital is actually a really good thing. I was in ICU a few times in my life and when I was in so much pain asking for a higher dosage of morphine doctors wouldn’t give it to me. It took my father saying something for them to up my dosage.
In all reality if he doesn’t want to go don’t try and make him leave. He may be exhausted and barely eating but he will be ok where as you aren’t.
Sometimes it takes a threat of leaving someone for them to try harder in a relationship. Take this opportunity as a great sign, he’s trying to show you, you are a priority to him.
Men sometimes aren’t the brightest of the bunch, they need to be told things point blank a lot of them don’t pick up hints and what not.
But take this as a good sign that he is putting in the effort. But don’t just get a divorce because you aren’t a priority, go seek couples counseling and see if that helps clear the air.
If you really don’t want him there, let the staff know if he won’t listen to you.
If you just want him to go take care of himself and rest, be clear and honest. Let him know he needs to respect your feelings and that he’s being selfish by staying.
Just tell your nurse, you want him gone for at least 24 hrs.
Your in the ICU, as your nurse I would just facilitate it in a polite manner.
Tell the nurse that you need him to leave.
He’s not leaving your side bc he knows your going to leave when you
Get home.
ICU nurse here!
Number 1- to anyone reading this, PLEASE (and I can’t stress this enough), PLEASE don’t sleep on the hospital floor. I won’t go into details but picture the grossest thing you can imagine, and that’s what you’re laying on. Sure, the floors are mopped but if you knew the things I’ve seen, you’d barely be comfortable walking on the floors with shoes on.
Number 2- OP, just be honest and say you want some alone time and you need to rest. Or, and I always offered this to my patients: ask the nurse to be the bad guy.
I would say he clearly is making you a priority in his life hints the reason he’s been sleeping there. He’s a grown ass man. He can make up his own mind on if he wants to be there or not. You would think that maybe you would be a bit more appreciative and look at this as a good thing considering you previously said you felt like you weren’t a priority in his life.
You don’t know why he’s acting like this all of a sudden? You told him you wanted a divorce because he wasn’t making you a priority. He’s making you a priority. This isn’t difficult to figure out. He’s trying to show you that you are a priority.
“I got a divorce because I felt that he wasn’t treating me like a priority” “how do I get him to leave and stop prioritising me now” .
Love bombing, or he has a weird hero complex, now that you are in a dire situation, he is there for you, making this grand gestures, making himself look like a martyr, like the devoted husband, and I imagine his friend Bob doesn’t need him as much as you do now, or he feels guilty for having neglected you for so long (it took you to be hospitalized and your live on the line for him to proritize you)… I’m sorry to be cynical, but as soon as you get well health wise, no mattter how long it takes he will revert to his usual self, when you don’t NEED him anymore or he perceives you don’t need him.
This all commenters telling you to enjoy, be grateful he is there now or something along those lines, have good intentions but are naive, this behaviour is temporary, I really think he does care about you NOW, in my opinion his behaviour is to keep you around long enough to rethink your decision to divorce.
Btw, you in the ICU bc you broke your skull, was it in a car accident or a dv situation involving your husband? my mind just went there while reading, hopefully you will soon recover and all you want for your life comes true, good luck.
You wanted a divorce because he wasn’t prioritising you. Now he does the opposite, in hopes of you staying married. I think it’s cute he does it, but I also get it can be annoying.
Try to explain what you mean, as guys take it literally when we say we need x y z. Depending on the issues you had, I would take this in good faith of him changing for the better. Try to get him to date you again, not just be glued to you.