I had been dating someone for a few weeks (not my bf yet), and I noticed he seemed to be backing off a little bit (not responding to texts as frequent) so I decided to take more time to myself, and see if we were naturally taking a different pace (I was worried ngl). I was responding to him, but also taking more time for my friends and other aspects of my life (even on social media)
One evening his last text was “lol” and I didn’t know what to say after that, so I went about the rest of my evening. Even went out with some friends. He sent me a text at 12am which I didn’t see until morning (had a little too much fun with my friends) and he was very cold the next day. I asked what was wrong (I asked about his distance lately as well) and he said “why would anything be wrong, you’re the one ignoring me” I tried to explain how I felt and apologized, but he ignored me for days after his last text telling me all the times I didn’t reply to his texts but was online, or posted a story. Why would someone tell me I did something wrong, then ignore my response to try and fix it? I was so into him and tried so hard to communicate that. We haven’t spoken since even though I’ve sent other texts, he ignores every one. Is he really hurt, or manipulating me because I hurt him?
9 comments
Sounds like it might be time to move on. Communicate better. Both of you.
Move on. Definitely. If he wanted to talk, he would. If you wanted to talk, you would. Someone asking why you’re “online” but not talking to him has some insecurities to work through.
Been a few weeks and this is happening….🚩
Thanks everyone. I think next time I’ll ask about the distance sooner. Who knows what he was feeling and I shouldn’t have assumed it was just “getting comfortable” or losing a bit of interest. And explain what texting means to me in relationships earlier (that I don’t want to be expected to reply right away after we’re more established, but if I’m into you I’ll make effort in other ways too)
Realistically you didn’t do anything wrong and it sounds like he didn’t do anything wrong at least when it comes to the actions you both took. Sounds like his situation caused him to respond less and you in turn matched his level of effort/did what was best for your mental health by not forcing conversation if it wasn’t there. His anger is still understandable as to him you started ignoring him. That isn’t to say he is right tho.
What should have happened is when you felt him pulling away you could have asked him about it saying “hey is everything ok I have felt more distance between us lately” or something you both have a conversation about it.
You weren’t manipulating him by taking your own space unless you were purposely ignoring him at times which it sounds like you just let conversations die when there was nothing to respond so that’s normal.
He should have come to you better off he felt you were ignoring him but he was upset because he felt like he was losing you (least that’s what I’m perceiving based on personal experience) and was blinded by emotions
One of the traits, you are looking for in a companion, is that you communicate really well. You should be pleased, at the end of a couple of weeks, this fellow didn’t get to first base. You found out early. You have already moved on. Don’t bother to respond to texts or send text to him.
Ugh, I dated someone kinda like this once. My advice is: don’t. The communication problems won’t get better
He kinda sounds like a spoiled baby. How he acted would bother me too. If you like someone, you’ll be honest and upfront with them. Make things work with them. Kinda sounds like he’s already giving up? 🚩
So pleased I was young before social media and smart phones