What goes through your mind when a woman tells you she rather to wait to kiss you on your first date?

38 comments

  3. It’s not a no, it’s not a yes. It’s undetermined at this time. Don’t overthink it, but if you aren’t desperately seeking attention, follow up. Make another date. See where it goes.

  7. I’d respect it. Either it means she wants to but not yet, in which case scheduling a second date would let you know that.

    Or, it could mean she isn’t into it at all, and trying to schedule a second date and being unable to will tell you that.

  8. I’d take it at face value, and be excited for future dates. A girl who doesn’t give romantic acts easily = hot!!! Someone definitely worth getting to know

  9. The reason why every man thinks that you’re not into him is because normal people without hangups on dating kiss whenever they want without some arbitrary rule. If you don’t like him after the first date, that’s fine. But if you like him, and want to kiss him, but arbitrarily chose not to because it’s the first date, then it’s just stupid. You are free to do whatever you want, but likewise you can’t get upset when the man loses interest.

  11. I would follow up with “So that means there will be a second date?” I have no problem waiting, as long a I know why.

  12. Either she wants it to happen in a more special occasion or she’s not as interested in me as I am in her. Had a similar situation happen to me last year and it made me presume that the second option is more likely.

  13. Well, depends on how you say it, going off the comment where you say you’re into him: if you stated that alongside the kiss thing, I’d be like “ok, another time then” but if you just plainly say “I don’t kiss on the first date,” I’d be a little weirded out and like make others here, just assume you’re not that into me. But there’s way too much nuance in communication and even a little smile or the tone of your voice when you say it can change what I would think at the moment. The kiss in-and-of-itself is not that big of a deal, the way you actually expressed yourself probably would matter more, at least for me.

  14. If someone is upset about this, move on. Everyone should respect each other. No one should become upset over not getting a kiss. A date is playful, a chance tto get to know each other. It’s not to make out or get intimate, that’s a whole other thing.

  15. Well apparently I’m an outlier judging by the comments here because I can’t say it would bother me in the least assuming everything went well and there’s some level of communication. Everyone’s different and goes different speeds, I’m not jumping to conclusions right away about something like that, and in your case if he does and stops talking to you then there’s some incompatibility anyway.

  16. I respect that, I’m never sure about kissing on the first date either so it helps if she makes that clear I guess. I wish I could say it without seeming like I’m being a “nice guy.” I think a first kiss is like a date 3 kinda thing, when I feel like it would be worth taking the person seriously and that I trust them.

  18. On my first date with the guy who is now my boyfriend, we sat together on a bench to enjoy the sunset. When I noticed his arm was behind me I basically said “I don’t wanna do more than this with you, we just met.” He was fine with it and never tested my boundaries after that, but we stayed in touch and kept hanging out. When we did eventually get physically affectionate several dates later, he told me he appreciated the pace we were going at and my clear communication in what I did and did not want.

    This isn’t the first time I got that kind of a response. Man or woman, people appreciate clarity of communication. Anyone who would react negatively to someone politely establishing a boundary isn’t someone you want in your life. And frankly, it reeks of immaturity and entitlement to me. I once had a dude text me after our second date ignoring when I asked him how his night went just so he could ask me when I was going to kiss him. I had been thinking about telling him I needed to go slowly, but the moment he did that my answer changed to “never”.

    Know what you want and be clear about it!

  20. It’s not good because NORMALLY they just would not care and do a lot more than kids depending on the guy but if this girl really means it, she a keeper and you should pursue her

  21. If a women tells me she wants to kiss but wants to kiss on a first date, I would probably be happy and take her out on a date.

  22. I wouldn’t want to kiss someone I just met either, out of some weird social compulsion. Seems like a healthy person with good boundaries, big green flag.

  23. As someone who prefers to wait at least 3 dates before even kissing, that’s a huge plus in my book.

  24. She’s undecided about you for now but she wants to dig deeper. You don’t have to do or change anything, just keep being yourself and whatever you do, don’t bug or nag her for the kiss. Either she’ll kiss you when she’s ready or she’ll decide against it, but since she knows you are interested, the ball is in her court now. Good luck ❤️

  25. Had this happen recently. She shortly asked after when she could see me again which basically alleviated alot of the initial concern from the declined kiss.

  28. Ona first date I’d think, “it’s just the first date, let’s not try to overthink this too much”

  31. Okay, cool. She ain’t comfortable yet and that’s ok. I ain’t insulted and I respect her for being candid with me.

  33. I never go for kiss on the first date just to avoid that and hard to get games. Plus, give her space to like you first. If she goes for it then yes, but I never make that move on a first date. I just make sure I smile and compliment her and the evening enough for her to know I’d like another date.

    I’ve known women who look like they’re preparing to fend off a bear mauling at goodbye time but are visibly pleasantly surprised when it’s just a, “Thank you, I really enjoyed being with you. Can we do this again?”

  35. I respect it. It’s a reasonable boundary, and I have no right to do anything but that.

    Now as far as signals go, it depends.

    If it’s included with other signals that she likely wasn’t feeling it, and in that case I likely am not feeling it either, then I assume that we will probably never see each other again.

    If it’s been a mixed bag all night, I’ll probably assume that it’s not a positive sign. If a second date gets brought up beyond a platitude, I won’t hold out any hope until she walks into the room for that second date. And that’s assuming I want a second date.

    As for a date where it’s been mostly positive, I’m just going to assume that she isn’t interested in a kiss right now. Maybe she wants to take it slow, maybe she isn’t comfortable yet, maybe she has some sort of rule, or maybe she is worried she has bad breath. She is undecided for some reason that I don’t know, nor do I care. If it’s one of the only yellow flags, I take it at face value until I see other evidence. This is especially the case if we promptly line up a second date.

    Context is key, as always. There are no hard and fast rules.

  37. This is a very American thing.

    Personally I don’t think you should be kissing someone you don’t have true feelings for. And you can only have true feelings for someone when you truly know them. That takes a little longer than a first date.

    Kissing also released feel good hormones (obviously), which reinforce your bias that you have feelings for that person. On a first date you are risking letting it make you double down on your misjudgement.

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