I 29f have gone on 3 dates with a guy 34m since late August (we live an hr apart). First 2 dates were awesome, we slept together on the 2nd. After that I didn’t hear a thing from him. I ended up texting him asking what happened and he said he isn’t looking for a relationship as he just got out of a 5 year LTR where they lived together. Before the sex I expressed concern over his recent breakup but he said he was over it and there’s no right time to date again. I wish I had known before we slept together, that he wasn’t looking for a relationship, his app said that he was so you can imagine my confusion. We did sleep together soon and he was pushing for it so I suppose that should have been my sign.
Anyway, after all the back and forth when I finally reached out to him, he asked me on another date. He said he is interested in something srs just not immediately. I said ok. We went to dinner and slept together afterward. Next day he texted told me how sexy he finds me etc. We spoke for many more days then the convo kind of came to a natural end. Its been 2-3 days with no communication. I have been thinking I want to end this as he obviously doesn’t care much, but it looks like he didn’t even open my last text (he has read receipts on). Should I just block him? Ghost when he eventually texts IF he does? Or send a message telling him I don’t want to continue talking?
6 comments
Ghosting is just a dick move. Sorry he’s not acting how you hoped but that doesn’t mean you get to be cruel in response. Just tell him you seem to want different things if that’s how you feel.
I found it useful practice to act like the grown up in these situations and cut things off respectfully. Often at the time I’ve realised that these people don’t deserve it but I deserve better the the drama and stress that comes with blocking / ghosting.
In my case I found being proactive and cutting off contact but letting them know (eg not lowering to their level).
You could send something like: hey, I’ve been reflecting and I’m looking for a long term relationship that could lead into my forever person / marriage / what ever you’re looking for.
I don’t feel what we have aligns with that. I wish you all the best in your search.
Before you send something out brainstorm on his likely response so you can draft replies now, when you’re not in an emotional state. I would be ready for things like:
-No I’m ready for a LT relationship
-let’s keep dating until you find something else
-you’re a BEEP you wasted my time
-etc
I wouldn’t text him. If you don’t wanna block him, I would put him on do not disturb but not that he can see. And try to ignore your thought about him. If he text you ever just consider that your closure bc they always come back but honestly you deserve more and moving on is the best!
To repeat the general mood of the sub, don’t ghost him. You have a decent opportunity to end it naturally and maturely, just tell him how you feel and that you don’t see much of a future due to a difference of opinion of what you want in a partner. Then leave it for a week, move on with your life in whatever ways you think are best, and if he responds, again message him in your most respectful and direct manner, if it is him begging for another chance then shoot him down, if it is him being more respectful of your choice then match that same tone and wish him a good life.
sounds like he is just distancing himself after sex. whether his reason is real or not, that’s the reason he’s giving you.
you implied that you wouldn’t have had sex with him, if you knew he wasn’t interested.
but even when he said that, you still had sex with him a second time.
and he’s doing the same thing again.
it seems like it’s not you who will ghost him, but that he already ghosted you. because of that, IMO, you don’t need to send any further communication.
I think less about this dude and more about the kind of person you want to be. It’s seems the decent thing is to end things gracefully and directly. A simple text and then move on