I’m 21 and have really been going thru a tough time the past year and a half now. My ex of 2 years cheated on me and manipulated me a lot, and after the relationship ended I’ve just sort of went into a downward spiral ever since. I’ve tried online dating a little bit but didn’t really like it and felt like it wasn’t for me. I’m not really big into hookup culture and it seems that’s what most of the people on there are looking for. In person my confidence to talk to girls and even just people in general has gotten so much worse. I used to struggle really badly with social anxiety when I was in hs and I feel like I’m starting to slip back into it. After being cheated on it’s like all of my insecurities have become way worse. I’m also now in this awkward stage in life where I have no clue what I’m doing. I’m in my last year of college and it seems like everyone is on their path. While I’m here not knowing wtf I want to do with my life, and working a shitty part time retail job.
Since starting back at school a month ago my mental health has just been shot completely. I wake up with anxiety everyday and have been smoking a lot of weed every night and sometimes drinking to help cope. The only thing that really brings me happiness atm is music and being able to hangout every weekend with my friends. I feel like such a fucking loser everyday and I can’t stop comparing myself to other people. It’s gotten to the point where I had like a mental breakdown the other day and deleted all of my social media accounts I can’t take it anymore. I just want to feel like myself again smh.
8 comments
Well let’s attack this one at a time.
Your 2 exs cheated on you. Okay nothing that can be done there hurts like a bitch but they cheated on you they’re at fault. They’re not worth it.
Not into hook up culture. Yeah I get that if you make it clear you’re looking for a serious relationship people will understand and you’ll get those looking for the same.
Let’s attack this school one next. Now do you have trouble in school? If yes then you should talk to your teachers they are just as human as you are and see if you can’t shuffle things around to help you, in general a good teacher will understand. And since I’m guessing you’re in college does your campus have a mental health section? Seek help if you can’t handle it they’re there for a reason.
Comparing to other people. They’re not you, they’ve had their own personal demons and everyone gets hit with the shit brick at different points it was just your turn.
I get wanting to feel normal again and you know I can’t promise it so commit to feeling better and maybe cut back on the drinking a touch may make you feel better but don’t drink yourself into a stupor.
You will not regret deleting your socials.
Great first step.
She cheated on you. That is her mistake, and has nothing to do with you.
If smoking weed pulls you down, stop smoking.
Comparing yourself to others is a bit pointless.
There will always be other people that do better then you, but the other side of that coin is, there are so many more people doing worse then you. Does that make you feel better? I don’t think so.
Only experience will give you a confidence boost. So make an effort of meeting new people. Greet people you encounter in your day. A simple “good morning, how are you doing” does wonders.
I know you got hurt, I have bin there too. I think 99% of us bin there. But only you can get over it when you make new memories.
Don’t throw in the towel, get up and keep going.
Only way to find the love of your life.
Dude I relate to you in the whole comparison aspect. My brother is 26 and he’s working in the city, my sister is at a university, meanwhile I’m at a community college. It’s my 4th and final year and I’m not really excited about graduating because I know I don’t really have a future career let alone any future.
1. Self esteem fluctuates. So don’t beat yourself up for not having the highest confidence. Most people don’t but they pretend they do. Self esteem is built from good choices. So focus on your studies, hobbies, eating healthy, fitness, and investing in yourself other ways. And you will naturally notice you will feel better about yourself as you learn yourself. Take your time to grow as it’s not a quick fix answer.
2. It’s not about how you start but how you finish. I know so many people with brighter futures than me, who went to better schools than I did, graduated on time, pursued higher paying careers, have so much more followers on social media etc… yet I’ve superseded them recently in life. It’s a series of ups and downs so don’t pressure yourself to look at anyone else’s grass. Because chances are it’s not as good as the grass in front of you.
3. As far as your exes go. I think you should see a therapist. So that you can heal and assess your patterns, as to what attracted you to your ex. And why you put up with her behavior. It will be uncomfortable but you’ll learn tools to do better and re think how you process your thoughts. And through time you will fumble but realize what is coming was always better than what you left behind.
Only 21 and just dealing with life. How sad. Welcome to the club kid. Life don’t get easier. Bills keep coming. And depression becomes so normal you literally forget what happiness is.
Get good
Go to therapy. Simple place to start.
eat healthier. good meat, less carbs, no sugar. and workout.