I’m a (F26) and I have a friend who’s a similar age who posted a video of me without asking that I absolute hate (very physically unflattering) on her business social media. I tried to be chill when I asked her to take it down “hey would you mind re-editing that and posting it without me. I look so bad.” And her response was “I wish you didn’t feel that way. Our dynamic looks so cute” and then asked if she could just untag me and take my name off the video bc we don’t have any shared followers. I have a history of weight issues and she does too (however she’s lost a lot of weight recently) I feel like in this case she should be more empathetic and just take it down without me begging to have it removed. I’m really upset about it and don’t know the right way to proceed because I feel like removing my name and tag from the video is a reasonable enough request but at the same time, this builds a lot of resentment and makes me feel really bad about myself and has very negatively affected my day. It just seems very inconsiderate to not even be asked before the video was put up. Am I overreacting?
Tl;dr friend posted unflattering photo of me and doesn’t want to take it down
25 comments
I don’t think you are overreacting. I would just have a talk with said friend, again, reiterating the fact that you dislike the post. Does your friend know that you feel that badly about the post? If they do it seems there may be a lack of respect from their side /:
Sounds like a reason to radically decrease the number of interactions with her…
>It just seems very inconsiderate to not even be asked before the video was put up.
>
>I feel like in this case she should be more empathetic and just take it down without me begging to have it removed.
>
>This builds a lot of resentment and makes me feel really bad about myself and has very negatively affected my day.
You’re not overreacting, and you should say all of this directly to your friend. If that doesn’t make her understand why what she did was wrong, I would honestly reduce my interactions with her.
“Thanks, but i would really prefer if you could delete the post entirely. Really sorry for the trouble.”
Doesn’t sound like much of a friend.
“Our dynamic looks so cute” = “*I* look cute so I don’t care what you think”
In some states it illegal to post or flim anyone with out consent in most southern states it is.
If it’s on Facebook you can remove the tag yourself. You can also change your settings so you have to approve any future media you’re tagged in. If it’s not Facebook you might still be able to remove the tag, but I can’t say for sure. I know this doesn’t address the relationship problem, but will at least give you back some peace of mind and control over the situation.
No that’s not overreacting. That’s self respect and assertiveness. I can’t trust people when they do that. Makes me feel taken advantage of and disregarded
It doesn’t seem like you are overreacting at all. You were polite in your request and this “friend” doesn’t seem to care much about your feelings, and I think it being a business social media account makes it even worse actually. If she still refuses after the last request you sent you may need to be more firm and say something like “you do not have my consent or permission to include me in this video on your business page, please remove it immediately.”
> And her response was “I wish you didn’t feel that way. Our dynamic looks so cute” and then asked if she could just untag me and take my name off the video bc we don’t have any shared followers.
“No, I’m sorry, but I would like you to take it down instead of untagging me and taking my name off”.
Then see what she says.
Report it.
Your mental wellness matters more than whatever she was trying to achieve with that post.
My older sister used to have a habit of just posting every photo she took, usually animals but people were often in the background.
I sat her down and explained that I was uncomfortable with how she didn’t pay attention to who else was in the photo. I explained that many of the photos with me were unflattering and did not help my already low self esteem.
Now she checks with the people in the photo before posting it. She just hadn’t realized what she was doing.
Your friend just doesn’t seem to care about your feelings. I would give her one last chance to firmly tell her to remove it. If she still refuses, she isn’t a friend.
If you asked her to take it down she needs to take it down.
See if you can get it removed via reporting it. And you should tell your friend that you don’t want it up. Period.
You should be able to opt into other people being able to post your image online. Why isn’t there a setting that either disallows photos of yourself being posted or allows it only if you approve it?
I would be petty and take unflattering pics or video of her and post it.
I feel like you should explain this to her and ask her again to take it down. I absolutely HATE when people post stuff of me without me knowing.
Can you ask how she would feel if you put up an older or unflattering photo of her? I have a friend like this, it’s got to be a good pic of her, and no one else in it matters
I have so many body image issues too, and that happened to me so many times. Now, when people try to take photos of me I give them my phone and say my phone is newer and better quality so they can take photos/video with it and tell them that I would send it later! That way I have full control. Still tho from time to time photos without my permission would be taken but way less then before.
“Hi friend,
That doesn’t work for me, sorry. Could you please take the video down and in future please ask first before sharing videos I am in. Thank you.”
This sounds like a crappy friend, honestly — but if she’s a close friend, I’d give her another try and explain again before deciding that she isn’t worth your time. (You deserve friends that respect your wishes and want you to feel comfortable — and maybe she just isn’t being particularly aware of how she’s coming across.)
I would have a private chat and say something like that despite how *she feels* about this video and how *she looks* in it, or *her feelings about how you look*, you really aren’t comfortable and you find this situation triggering and upsetting considering your ED history. Tell her that you really need her to respect your wishes when it comes to sharing content with you in the future and that you want this video removed.
If she doesn’t remove it or she won’t hear your concerns, then personally I would report it to FB/Instagram (whichever it is) in question for sharing content of you without your permission, and limit how much she is in your presence in the future.
Your friend does that then tell her to take it down. Also that’s not a friend. If hurting you doesn’t hurt her, then she doesn’t love you she’s just using you. The comment about how it looks cute just means she thinks she’s above you since she lost weight. She finds her self prettier than you so she posts thinking everyone will feel the same. In her head when you two stand side by side she’s better than you so she wants the world to know and feel the same. Friends don’t do that at all. I had a few who did that babe, that’s not friendship. She’s insecure and she’s projecting that on to you. Because she might hate herself and how she looks and instead of being mature and dealing with that. Her mind goes “at least we are better than her”. This sounds mean but I promise you I’m not reaching. If she’s doing something she knows you don’t like then the full intention IS to hurt you.
If she didn’t pay you to use your likeness for the promotion of her business, then legally she can’t use the photo.
“‘Our dynamic’? What does that mean? Because these photos tell me you think our dynamic is you being the attractive one and feeling better about yourself, and I’m not thrilled by that. Please take down the photos, I won’t ask you again.”
That’s selfish of her. You aren’t overreacting at all.
Report the photo.