Women of Reddit, if your female friend came to you and said “I can’t do this anymore, I have no one to talk to, no one cares about me,” how would you actually, not ideally, respond?

34 comments

  2. First thing to ask “What happened?” If her condition is getting worse I’d give her a hug and wait until she is ready to talk

  3. Let’s go for a drink and let’s talk…

    &

    I’ve been there…. It’s might not seem like it right now, but you’ll get through this dark period… i’m here for you

  4. “Dude you are talking to somebody RIGHT NOW. So you’re not drawing reasonable conclusions from the evidence in front of you. You’re probably hangry. Let’s fix that.”

    Food first. Deal with the rest later.

  5. Tell her I care about her and get her to talk to me. I would be awkward about it though, I don’t do well with emotional stuff.

  6. Depends on the background. Is this person always moaning and groaning but never does anything to change their circumstances? Then they get blunt, harsh, no holds barred ‘ it’s your own damn fault and I’m sick of hearing about it’

    Is this person legitimately alone with no friends or family who are in their lives? Then they get ‘ I know exactly how you feel cuz I am in the same boat. This is how I cope’

  7. Everyone feels that way at some point in their lives. I would ask if they’d want to talk about it. Let them know their feelings are validated and loved.

  8. I’d ask for more information, be cautious but empathetic. Can’t hurt to listen and be there for her, even if I can’t do anything… I just need to take precautions I don’t become a crutch

  9. I would validate her feelings, and let her know I’m here to listen. Let her talk and say whatever she wants to say without judgment, she is the expert of her life so I can’t fix anything for her, but I can avail myself to help to alleviate her pain. Because I know that a friend saying something like this, it is a response to emotional pain.

    Also, this is always uncomfortable, but when people come to you specifically and say something to you like “I can’t do this anymore”, it is okay to ask them if they have thoughts of suicide. We often dance around the topic, but when someone is in that headspace it can make all the difference to talk with someone else who cares enough to not be too scared to ask that question. It can relieve some of the weight they are carrying. Also be mindful of not saying “commit” suicide, because it is not a crime, and that further adds to the stigma that encourages us not to talk about it 🙂 Just a tip in case you need/want it!!

  10. I would say, thar I care and ask her to talk to me. I’ve been her, and maybe we can pull each other back from the void

  15. “I give so many shits about you! Do you want me to come over or do you want to come to mine? Let’s talk.”

  16. I’d ask what she meant by saying she ‘can’t do this anymore’. I’d ask if she was feeling suicidal, had any plans or intent to act? Don’t be afraid to ask this. It won’t push people into doing it.

  17. Depends on the context. What’s “this”? What’s going on in their life? How serious are they?

    I’d ask them what caused this and if they wanted to talk about it, and then I’d listen and be supportive. If they are suicidal or in crisis, I’d help them contact the proper mental health/medical professionals to assist them.

  18. “Well first off, *I* care about you, and you can talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.” And then I’d get ready to just listen for awhile. I agree with another commenter that it can be important to ask if your friend has had any suicidal ideation. There are online resources that can help you figure out how to respond if they say yes.

  19. I’d probably ask how her life’s been like lately and let her vent, then basically have her stay at my place and take care of her- give her decent food, vitamins, make her go outside and walk my dog with me, maybe tire her out a bit so hopefully she sleeps that night, and hope she’s better the next morning… repeat this process until/unless I think more professional help is needed, but in my experience, people neglecting their basic human physiological needs mixed with burnout can end with a depressive episode.
    sometimes people just benefit from being taken care of and be allowed to not do anything and let their body & mind heal…

    ** disclaimer… I would only go as far as letting them stay over if this was a good friend/ I knew this wasn’t a manipulative person lol bc some people will only reach out to you to use you or j not appreciate your help, and I feel like I know who in my life I would/wouldn’t do this for

  20. Depends on the person. I think it is a little offensive to go to your friends and tell them essentially you have no real friends. It happened to me before. A narcissist (diagnosed). I tell her to shut up and stop whining about things that aren’t true at all. If she wants to talk she can talk to me but don’t start the conversation with guilt tripping me.

  23. I’d ask what’s going on and let her talk it out. Sometimes you just need to let it out and hear everything out loud before you realize what you actually need to do from there. You may not actually need to provide any advice, just lend her your ears and give her some hugs, maybe a nice big pillow to hug while you chat.

  25. “Do you have a plan?”

    If they say, “yes” then go full suicide watch and get them help asap!

  26. This happened to me with my boyfriend.
    I think I said something along the line, that I was there for him to talk to and that a lot of people care about him, but that he does not believe it yet.

    It is important to just listen to them at that moment. Most of the times they feel misunderstood and that no one understands there feelings, emotions or personality. Let them talk and be there for them. Don’t focus about what to say to next/advise just listen.

  29. This kind of did happen to me.

    My nephew’s ex called me in tears. She was across the country, so our entire conversation was over the phone, but she was in a bad place mentally, largely because of the end of her relationship with my nephew. I stayed on the phone with her, let her talk it out, tried to point out the positives, etc. We probably talked for about an hour and a half until she felt calm again.

  30. I’d drop everything for a friend. I’d listen. Ask a lot of questions to get to the real problem and then I’d help address it. I would say “we won’t leave this convo until we have come to a realization of some kind…not if you’re feeling like that. I care about ya too much to let you walk.”

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