I (30F) having been chatting with a guy (31M) for two weeks or so. We’ve had one date, and we’ve gotten along pretty well. Today, I suggested he come to my place to help me with a household project and I’d treat him to dinner.
Initially, he said he was excited to take on the project with me. We agreed on a time and a place for dinner afterwards. He said he was watching a football game which started at 3, and would come after that. However, we established the arrival time as 6p.
He texted me at 20 minutes after 6 that the game was in overtime. Now, part of me says, cool whatever, it’s not like this is a pressing matter. On the other hand, I feel like, I should expect him to respect me and my time more than the results of a football game he has said he “doesn’t care much about”.
Tl;Dr : second date and he’s late because of football game in OT. Should I be annoyed or let it go?
What’s your take reddit?
18 comments
Oh man! That’s a red flag. Second date and he’s texting you late because of a football game?? Nahh get out of here haha. He should respect you and clearly he has other priorities. Have a talk with him and let him know how you feel. If this is happened now, imagine later!?
Respect the man’s interests. He has been in love with football his whole life, your just on a second date.
Next time plan for a breakfast date on Sundays, you still get couple time, and he gets uninterrupted game time.
I don’t think I would be so quick to jump into tossing him aside. If you’re that upset about it, maybe mention to him if you continue seeing each other you’d like a better notice. If he assumed the interaction was casual and got caught up in the game that may have gotten really exciting to him, maybe he just didn’t think it was super important. If you talk and he’s obviously not willing to make you some sort of priority, sure it’s cool to leave. But i feel like this is just an early misunderstanding that could be helped with communication from each party.
Hope this helps.
Oh hell no? Second date and late because of a game of football, if that’s his priorities early on, what will his priorities be like later on?
Football is more important than dating to this guy. Calling you 20 minutes after you were supposed to get together indicates that he probably forgot about the date to begin with. At 5:30, he knew he was not going to make the date on time. If you have to have a conversation about basic courtesy …have fun with this one. An interested guy isn’t going to mess up a date for a game he’s not even playing.
I don’t think this is a huge deal. Pay attention to his actions in the next few days. If he’s apologetic and really wants to see you, it will be clear. Maybe consider giving him a do-over?
I’d also communicate to him that it wasn’t cool to do that.
So my ex was late to our third date by two hours. The date was at my house, i had made dinner for us. He told me he was getting a hair cut, and then when i asked for an eta he said he was at a bar getting a drink because he knew the bar tender and would be there soon. Well, he was actually grabbing a drink with a friend who was a female & lied to me. I later found out that his barber wasn’t even in the area where he said he was getting his hair cut.
We broke up two years later. He continued to be friends with this girl who i later found out he had slept with before we got together and would send him messages making fun of me, and another girl who called me by my ethnicity instead of my name when she spoke about me. He never told either of the girls off…
🚩
I’m less worried that he was late because the game went into overtime and more worried that he waited until he was 20 minutes late to let you know. I’d let him know that good communication is really important to you and that he should have given you a heads up about the game earlier. Then you just have to see how he reacts and how he acts in the future.
I’m going to guess that you’re not a sports fan, and therefore weren’t following anything about the football game. (I’m guessing it was the Patriots/Packers)
There may be a set start time, but the end time is always variable. He likely assumed that you knew that, and that he’d be there once the game was over.
Even if one doesn’t really care about the game, one usually wants to finish watching it – especially with it going to overtime.
I would mention to him that you’re not a sportsing person, and to send a text next time.
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HOWEVER – if he consistently blows you off, doesn’t show up or communicate – THEN it’s time to have a more in-depth conversation about it.
Look, I’m just saying. I really like sports, and some games are especially important for the season, etc, etc.
BUT. If there is a big, important game that I can’t miss? I’m NOT scheduling a date after it. Or, if I am, it’s a “hey, the game should be ending at 6, can I text you when its done and see if you want to do something, or should we schedule a different night?”
Also, if this is American football, the basic, bare-bones assumption is that you allow 3 hours from kickoff for a normal length game. Not always, but I wouldn’t count on it being less. I would not have scheduled something at 6 after a 3PM game
As to what to do… I think it’s a more bonehead thing rather than something more toxic? But it’s the second date, dude, maybe make like a BIT of effort not to fuck it up. Your call, and it depends on how apologetic he is when you bring it up.
Hang on, second date and you have him coming over to help with a household project, nobody’s picked up on that? I don’t know what time the treat/dinner was supposed to be, but that household project task is a lot more casual of a timeline wise IMO, when you’re asking someone for help with something you should be flexible.
I’m sure he does want to spend time with you but I’ll tell ya, when I was dating I generally wouldn’t be helping around the house until a few stages deeper in the game, or if we were friends beforehand of course.
On one hand, I think it sucks this guy waited until 20 mins after he’d said he would come over to let you know he’d be late. On the other, I don’t see helping someone with a household project as a date. That’s a favor. Do you think you two might not have been on the same page there?
Football IS important come on man
I used to text the time I left the house and ask the other person to let me know when they do as well. I do that because time is extremely important to me, so I get ready/anticipate the date and await near the entrance so I don’t waste their time and don’t mess up my hair etc.
If I don’t hear from them in that long, I let them know I assume the date is cancelled so I can move on with my day
There’s more to life than football. Unless you continue dating this guy. He’s already established that football (a game he isn’t even that bothered about apparently) is mor einportant than plans he made with you.
If you want to keep seeing him then have a full and frank talk about why he felt it was OK, and how it felt from your point of view.
Aye as long as it’s the truth don’t be too bothered by it.
It’s a no from me if it was clear to him that this was a date!
This is when he’s supposed to be on his best behaviour and he’s already messing up. Save yourself future heartache and don’t see him again.
He doesn’t have respect for you and your time. He could have messaged earlier and let you know, which would have been a polite thing to do. But I would have expected him to show up at 6pm since it’s not an important game and because it was agreed on beforehand. He’s already flaky, at least he showed you this side of him very quickly, you’re lucky!
I would like to mention that inviting him over to help you with a house project as a second date is just weird. Maybe he didn’t realize it was a date. I think the request was too soon as well.
So have a talk with him first and go from there.
If he didn’t know it was a date then I would give him a pass but watch his future behaviour. If he turns out flaky in other occasions too, then he should go if he doesn’t change his behaviour.
Normally, it would be a red flag.
However, I’d be more concerned for him in this example – second “date” and you have him help you with a household project?
Not cool.
If he asked me for advice, I’d say you don’t seem too into him and not to put much effort into the date, i.e. finish watching the game.