I’m just tired of hooking up with men . I want real love . I want to make love . I want someone who choses me everyday like I would chose them . I want something more serious and steady . I feel like I crave someone’s touch but I’m too scared to go out there again. I’m scared of starting over . Of giving myself to someone again . They always come back but I want something deeper realer and loving . What do I need to do to find this deeper connection when I feel so lonely I already cut a bunch of men off?
14 comments
Stop doing hook ups then lol.
Well I wish I could say Im having the same problem 😀
Just make your intentions clear and keep it in your knickers till you find a guy you actually like.
My best advice to you would be to try and temper your emotions. I find it very typical with women that they desire the true, genuine love that is essentially a list of very hard-to-achieve components, all of which nobody will be able to live up to.
Even if you do find someone who loves you and wants more than just a hookup. If you are overflowing with emotions and he isn’t, you will soon find yourself (subconsciously) challenging him every step of the way and constantly being let down that he doesn’t display his love to you the same way you would.
Take a break and figure out what your expectations are and how they might be putting the thing you want the most as far away as it can be.
I’ll probably be downvoted for being sincere enough to you to tell you the truth. I think the more you push this or any eventual relationship, the more it will fail. I base this on a wealthy level of first-hand experience.
The sentence “You don’t understand how much I love you, if you could only see” is something that has become poison to my ears.
Try to be more casual. Loosen up. Don’t want too much. Don’t need too much. Exist in the moment.
And if you can’t do that, understandable. But I strongly believe you should consider it. I’m over-explaining this now because I don’t want this to be construed as a negative bash or anything, as this is Reddit after all.
Go uglier
OK.
I am going to take your post at face value. Lets take this a step at a time.
1.) How did Hook-ups even become part of the equation? Substituting Sex for authentic connection is a page right out of the Teen years and commonly suggests emotional immaturity. The Other possibility is secondary gain (ie sexuality to produce a gain or an outcome.) in which case you might want to buy a short skirt and fishnet stockings and get used to sleeping during the day.
2.) You are asking for “Love” but give no indication of what your expectations are or how you define “Love”. How accepting are you of a person in the manner of how they define themselves? Who was the last person you gave “unconditional positive regard” to and “why”?
3.) Once You have secured the “Love” you want…Then what? Are you aware that even people who have been married for Years often fall in and out and in and out of Love many times?
I guess I am wondering how much you actually know about how all of this stuff works?
Stop bussing it open.
Stop hooking up is a first. It’s a waste of time if you’re not into that. Cut off all the men you’re currently talking to, but that aren’t leading anywhere. Don’t engage with men like that again.
The second thing that helped me was focussing way more on my personal development. Strengthen my social network, my mental health, and have a few projects I like to work on. You and your confidence need to be able to stand on your own two feet.
Make a plan for when you’re feeling lonely. Calling your mom or friends, go out for a walk, etc. Make a list of people you can call and hang out with. Don’t use men for this.
When dating is less important to you, pick it up again. Be clear about what you want and don’t settle for men wanting casual or simply not knowing what they look for.
This is more personal, but dating multiple people doesn’t work for me. At all. Ever since I stopped doing that, dating became way simpler.
This is sad.
Hookup after getting into a relationship
Well i’m on the other side of the spectrum I’m tired of love i want hookups. We can switch
Trick is to have feelings for the person before sleeping with them.
If the feelings aren’t there, sleeping with them will do absolutely nothing.
If your son brought home a woman like yourself, would you be excited or concerned? If it’s the latter, there are serious changes you need to make.
So basically what you are saying is that you want to feel the butterflies, the chemical spiritual and physical connection, to know you got someone that will love you for who you are no matter what, and you want that guy to make that pursuit of you in a way that shows he put in planning effort and intention. Would that be roughly what you are saying you want?
I think you need a therapist not Reddit and go over things you have in your mind with professional. Sometimes it’s best to go to therapy and make decisions we need