How to be good enough?

Hey everyone. I am a chubby, childfree Autistic girl who is primarily attracted to East Asian men. This isn’t in a fetishistic way, I genuinely appreciate the culture and the way they take care of themselves. I don’t want kids but I’d like to get married someday. I’ve finally been able to become somewhat content with being single but being alone forever would suck. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep as I know I don’t have much market value in the dating world. I am down to 1000 calories a day and an injectable weight loss medication recommended by an endocrinologist. I have lost 13kg so far but am now stalling.

Around half of my exes ended up trying to mould me into something that they wanted because they were probably of the mindset that due to the fact I was the only girl who gave them attention, they would settle for me then turn me into what they wanted. In other words they emotionally abused me about my weight, tried to change my mind on having kids and compared me to the women in porn (ie. I have cellulite and rolls and porn girls don’t.) There were a few other things they would passive aggressively mock me about as well but that would take a novel. Some of them even became impotent because I didn’t change appearance like watching a new porn video each time and I was too visually awful for them to look at naked. Most likely it was an insidious form of negging. However due to my Autism I can’t really spot such red flags until it’s too late.

Should I permanently give up on dating or finding love? Or is there some kind of educational course I could take teaching me how to anticipate men’s needs or spot red flags? Any ideas? I wish I could be good enough.