Hi everyone, so this started when I (22M) mentioned to her (21F) (we had been dating for 10 months) that I’m planning to do a little gift exchange with an online friend of mine (F21) who doesn’t live in the same country as mine. For some background, I’ve never met that friend, she has been a friend for 5+ years and we met online. One of her friends were visiting my city so we decided we could exchange gifts, since we had been friends for so long.
I did tell my girlfriend about this friend back in October, when we weren’t even dating. Her behavior completely changed after I told her about the gift exchange. She has a friend with whom she had very sexual comments with but I trusted her, who is still her friend but somehow this was not okay. She acted a little toxic by sending me a guy friends texts with “at least someone cares for me”.
I understand that it could be anger or jealousy since I usually don’t give gifts to anyone except her, but since we hadn’t really met I thought it would be a good idea to exchange something.
Next day on a call, she asked me about the friend. I had no problem telling and I told her she’s an online friend and we’ve never met. She said I told her she was a college friend who then became an online friend (which I clearly did not, I even sent her a screenshot for the proof). This part did not hurt me. She then said things like “why would a guy talk to a girl for so long without having any expectations”. This part really hurt me because that’s not the kind of person I am, and I don’t make friends on the basis of getting something romantically out of it. This felt like she had not known me well, and was a violation of her trust in me. She also said she felt something was missing on our last date but doesn’t know what. We had a major fight before this which was my fault (but about nothing that I said to her, just some problems I was facing).
I still felt this could be solved if she acts a little better next day. I told her we can heal from both of these problems. Next morning she says things like “you would always choose your friends over me” even though I did everything I could for her. I put her above everyone and everything and even she agreed that I treated her really well. I put in so much effort into everything, and this wasn’t the first time she said something like this. She also put efforts and made me feel special most of the times. She knew about one of my biggest insecurities – not feeling enough for my close ones (something I really need to work upon), and went ahead to say this which hurt a lot, again. It did feel like even though if I do everything its not going to be complete.
I broke up with her because of this kinda behavior, but I really love her and it does sometimes feel that it all happened a little too fast, she did ask a lot get back to solve things but the way it hurt me I couldn’t at that point. Was it too spontaneous, given that I had heard similar things in the past?
TLDR; My girlfriends borderline toxic messages and questions which hurt me led to me breaking up with her. It felt like the right thing. Was it too fast?
2 comments
Love isn’t enough and this was a pretty unhealthy relationship considering her insecurity never let her try and trust you. I don’t think you did anything to deserve her distrust by what you led and you are better off out of this relationship rather than sacrifice your self respect to appease her unfounded anxiety. She probably has been inappropriate with her friend or thought about it and was projecting those feelings on to you to make herself feel better.
I think you did the right thing.
Trust your gut – she doesn’t sound like she knows how to have a healthy relationship and you are feeling that. She sounds manipulative and immature. Relationships shouldn’t hurt and she shouldn’t want to hurt you.