I’ve been friends with him for 10 years. I love him so much, and I really enjoy his company. Last April he got an opportunity to work in a semi-decent payed job on another country on which any of us speak the language of.
Eventually there was another offer to go do the same job and he passed it on to me, so we started planning to live together to make things easier and convenient.
He arrived to the country before me and had to go through all the hassle of looking for an appartment, for a kitchen and all, and in reality I didn’t have to do any of it. To be honest, it was super hard work, which I really appreciate, and he did it all by himself.
I know my best friend well enough to know that he is quite dirty, and I am on the other hand, unhealthily clean. I knew this, and I told him to take it on count. He would have to make a little effort on being cleaner and I would have to make an effort on toning it down and not being too controling.
However, three months into living here, I just can’t do it. I have mental breakdowns over how beyond uncomfortable I am living here. Not only the place runs too small for us, he turns out to be infinetly hypocrite with the rules and because he started living here before I did, it feels like the house is his and I’m just living in it. His way of living and mine are so different, and in my eyes absolutely not compatible. I don’t want to make him completely change into my ways of doing things but I hate the way I have to live here. Plus, he brought his dog, and although I love her very much too, she is incredibly filthy and needy to the point it asphixiates me.
I also feel like our friendship is suffering too because I can’t help but resenting him.
The thing is that I don’t know how to tell him that I need to move out because I can’t live like this without coming off as an a-hole and ungrateful after all he is done for me. I do not see any solution to it and at this point I’m beyond over it. On top of it I know he has some financial issues so it would be added problems. But I just hate it here and it’s affecting my mental state greatly.
TLDR: I don’t think I can live with my best friend anymore and I don’t know how to tell him without coming off as an ungrateful a-hole
2 comments
It’s really not a matter of gratitude or his finances. Are you on the lease or not? Like are you contractually obligated?
If you aren’t, then as a courtesy, I’d let him know that you’re going to start looking for your own place and plan to move within the next 2-3 mos to give him an opportunity to find another roommate.
And you can tell him why: “Friend, I really value our friendship. I appreciate that you got things all set up and offered me a place to live. Unfortunately, I don’t think we are compatible roommates due to our differences in housekeeping and it’s impacting my mental health. I don’t want to lose a good friendship over the state of an apartment, so I think this is best. I’m going to start looking now and plan to be out in the next 2-3 mos. I wanted to give you a heads up so you have time to find another roommate if you wish.”
Well was the idea that you guys would be living together forever? Wouldn’t he be expecting you to move out someday? Just tell him you really appreciate him doing all that work and that now you feel more comfortable in the area and are going to start looking for something new. Offer to help him look for roommates if need be, if you feel too guilty.