Breakup of 8 year relationship

GF and I just broke up. We’ve been together 8 years, no kids together and do not live together. I’m white (Italian) she’s hispanic. A few years ago I did a year in prison and she stood by me. Both of us are parents with teenagers, and she has adult children as well. She’s over 10 years older than me. Her granddaughter over a year ago was diagnosed with cancer and is currently in remission. We have been engaged but she broke off the engagement a while ago, then decided to start wearing the ring again. She also owns her own home.

Her work has cut her hours lately, and she has been sending a significant amount of money to her home country to family as well as traveling multiple times across the country to see her daughters and sick grandchild. She also chose to have her tonsils removed. The problem is she didn’t look to see what was in network and who wasn’t. Now she has a large bill. She also had car problems. She will not work more hours, or look for a new job. She does not like large changes like that.

My background is I now own a business, work 60 to 70 hours a week. I am trying to save up for house and build an investment portfolio.

She believes I should start paying her bills because she is having a hard time and that what a “real man” does.

I bought her the parts to fix the car. The car is driveable, just the drive belt is loud, and needed some routine tune up stuff. I told her to drive it down to me, because I didn’t want to work on it by her house just to see that I didn’t bring a tool I would need. This was about 5 months ago. She never did. She just complained about how I never fixed it. She has only drove down by me twice in the last 2 years.

When she went to visit her daughters and had her tonsils removed, I paid for a months worth of groceries each time, stayed with her, and gave her rides.

I offered to help with her bill for tonsils but they were not taking payments that day.

When she travelled, I watched her dog, and gave her rides to the airport. She also decided to bring her best friend with her to see her family (which I thought was weird).

Then her birthday comes up. She wants to go out of state for a few days. So I plan the trip. I also buy her some presents (designer sunglasses because she complained she didn’t have any) . Plus gave her 500 to help with bills, bought her very ornate flowers, cake, and presents that were from her adult daughters (but really from me because they didn’t get her anything). Then we went to dinner with her friends. Of course I paid.

Then when we went out of state, she complained the whole time. The hotel wasn’t good enough, the room wasn’t clean enough, the restaurant wasn’t good enough, the people who go shopping at Gucci all look like they can’t afford it and are idiots, etc. I called her out on it in public, she was mortified, but knocked it off.

The few weeks after was pretty bad. We went out to some concerts and started talking to another couple. They seemed like nice people but started asking some personal questions, but nothing that would show red flags (like where I grew up, if I had brothers and sisters, etc). She started poking me and nudging me that I shouldn’t talk to others or say anything personal. I found this extremely disrespectful.

The weekend after she wanted to go out of town again and for me to take her on some tours of the city and do a bunch of other stuff. After our last trip, I said no and I wanted to stay around town. Maybe go hiking. She threw a big fit about it. For context, after our trip I also had to pay quarterly taxes and I went up a bracket, so I had to make up for it from the previous quarters taxes that then I underpaid. Plus then I broke a crown on a tooth, and just had car problems on both of my cars. So I paid around 25k in the last few weeks.

Fast forward to a week ago. We just hung out at her house for the weekend and I helped her with house work. I told her I wanted to leave early that sunday because I had a lot of stuff of my own to catch up on (remember, I work about 70h a week). So right when i was about to leave, she needed me to change a light bulb on an outside fixture. cool. but it was rusted closed, and a lock nut was put in wrong by her brother a few years ago, so now it wouldn’t dissassemble. He had a replacement so she wanted me to replace the whole fixture. I asked if she could grab me a certain tool, and she told me to get it myself and look for it. Now her garage and basement are in disarray. After rummaging through, I found it. as I’m taking it apart, I also ask her to turn off the circuit for the light while I’m on the ladder to be safe. She throws a huge fit and says she’s doing everything herself and she should just hire a contractor instead of relying on me and I should be a real man and do it all myself. So I wire it up without cutting off the circuit, finish up and leave. Text her that I hate the way she treats me.

She then tells me I’m too sensitive and not a real man, and I deserve to be treated like that because I don’t support her. That she is having a hard time and I don’t help her and I’m not there for her. How when we went on the trip I didn’t buy her anything when she was looking in stores and I won’t pay her bills. She said she deserves someone who knows what a woman really needs.

After that I listed off all of the things I did pay and how much it was costing, and how I’m the one who travels, I’m the one who pays for all of the dates, I’m the one who brings her to places that she needs to go and to the airports, etc. Then she said I was rubbing it in her face and we shouldn’t be together anymore and never to spend another dime on her. I wasn’t rubbing it in her face, I was defending myself.

Oh, then my dog died that night after having a stroke. So pretty shitty day. I feel pretty abused. Strangely, I do miss her, but I am also pretty lonely and have no friends to rely on for support.

\*\*TL;DR; : I feel like I was just used for her convenience, and no matter what I did it wasn’t enough and she thinks I am not a real man.\*\*.