In a social environment that is heavily clique based, how do you interact?

Sorry if this sounds angry or whiny, I’m just so shocked and frustrated, because I was told it wouldn’t be too hard for me to make friends, and now I see those people were wrong. Also, sorry if it seems like I’m full of myself. I do say I’m a nice person a lot in this, and that’s not me trying to brag or anything. That’s me being shocked, because usually since I try to be nice, people are nice back, so people usually aren’t too rude. Generally, I’ve been well liked.

I’m at a new school. I’m from a school that had barely any cliques. The towns that combined into the school integrated well, and people had friends from each town within 2 weeks. There were only really two cliques. Sporty boys and “weird” boys (most of them weren’t that weird, but they were the weirdest in my class and they all stuck together so that’s why I’m saying weird kids). It helped it was a small school. Now I’m at a bigger school, and I’m not from any of the towns that combine to form the school. I knew people would already have friends, but I was told people would be looking to break off from their friends, because I’m in the youngest year of the high school I’m going to, and everyone is meeting different people. I wasn’t expecting there to be such strong cliques though.

Because there’s multiple towns, there’s about 4 of each clique. Like, there’s around 4 groups of sporty girls. They don’t interact with the other sporty girls, only their group of sporty girls.

I don’t see people from the different towns interacting much. Well, at all really. The strongest groups are town based. Most of the people from the same towns interact to an extent. They’re all mostly friendly with each other. Although they have their different groups, the people from their own town know each other.

As someone not from any of those towns, it’s making it very hard to integrate. I know it’s not all in my head, because my mom has coworkers whose kids go to the same school, and they all say it’s very clique based.

It’s almost like since I’m not apart of a group I don’t exist. It kinda sucks. People just do not want to talk to me. Everyone at my old school was nice when talking to people from the different schools, but a lot what I’m getting is straight rudeness. Short replies, blank look while talking to me, acting like I’m bothering them just by being near them. They just give off impatience with their body language. When I’m working in a group with someone and their friends, I try to initiate working, make suggestions, but they are all just silent, they make me feel like I was wrong for asking to be in their group, and wrong for inserting myself into their group, even though I have no one to work with. It’s weird, I see them working when I’m not in their group, but as soon as I am they just stare at me, their phones, and give each other looks. Looks that very obviously communicate they don’t like me working with them. I consider it rude, because I rarely do that sort of stuff unless I really don’t wanna be talking with someone I don’t like. Even if I don’t like them, I try to be nice and smile and converse with them if they talk to me first. I’ve usually gotten the same back, I’m fairly easy to get along with so in my experience people are generally friendly.

But now no one wants to talk to me, no one asks me to sit with them, no one asks me to work with them. I don’t expect many people to really, I know I should be the one asking, but in other situations when I’ve sat or worked alone, I’ve always been at least *asked* if I want to join someone’s group. I usually ask if someone wants to join my group if I see they’re sitting alone. My friend and I asked someone we didn’t really like that much at first to sit with us. I usually try to be nice to people and show interest when talking to them. But I haven’t gotten any of that from my peers in this school. It’s just, I’ve never experienced such a closed off social environment. I’ve never had people act like this with me on such a large scale. There’s always been people who are like that, but not the majority of people. It’s really… discouraging.

People who experience this, what’s your advice? Think back to being the new kid in high school.

I want to add, please do not say find someone who doesn’t have friends. I’m telling you, I can’t. I’ve scouted out the area at assemblies and lunch. I literally see maybe 10 people in my grade that are visibly alone, I don’t have any classes with them (only one person, but she’s only alone in one of the classes I’m in, I know she has friends. But I’ve already initiated working together with her. I did all of the work, but she was nice enough) and for the most part, I don’t have the same lunch periods as them. I literally have classes with all the same people.