I don’t want to make this too long because I’d really love some feedback. So I’m gonna graze over a lot of details, feel free to ask any questions.
My partner and I have been dating for about a year now. From the beginning we’ve been very serious, and clear about wanting a future together. I had mentioned when we first started seeing each other I would never move for a relationship. A few months into us dating they decided to move back to their hometown, and what was supposed to be temporary. But they got a really good job there and now plan on staying, with a very small chance of moving back to my city. About two weeks ago they came out and said if we were long-distance for another year, the relationship was over. There is an age gap in our relationship so they are very serious about their career, and building a stable family, buying a house, etc. I love this human with all of my heart. The idea of not being with them, or them building their life I wish for with them with someone else is agonizing. I’ve been doing a lot of work with my therapist with figuring all of this out, but I am still just so stuck. My family is my entire world and they are all here. I’ve never had the desire to leave my hometown. And I’m terrified at the idea of taking leap and moving to a new place to build my life with someone. But I haven’t found success here, and I don’t have a single friend. I am so lost at what to do. And I feel like I’m ripping my world into trying to the side.
They said they don’t want to waste their time. Their parents question if we’re dating or just messing around because I’m not in the same city. It really scares me how they switch from talking about building our lives in this new city together, to all of a sudden saying simply “if we are long distance this relationship is over” so matterafactly.
TL;DR! Should I (20M) move away to be with my partner (28NB) of one year, or stay in my hometown and break up?
2 comments
You two are in very different stages of your lives. What keeps you in your current town? A good job? Education? Friends? You mentioned family, do they need your help? How far would the move be? Are you taking care of anyone? What are your goals in life, what do you want to do with yourself? Can you support yourself if you move? Taking leaps and change is always scary and a one year time line on a LDR is a very generous one. At 28 sitting around and waiting indefinitely for another partner to make up their mind is a dead end. You need to decide what it is you want. They made a choice to move and stay. You have to make a choice to follow or not. Try posting in LDr subreddit
This is exactly why an age difference raises questions. Not inherently because of the age difference, but because of what the age difference might mean. In your case, it means that your partner of the past year is at the point where they want to put down roots and begin the next chapter of their lives … and you’re not ready to finish the chapter that you’re on.
Don’t radically change your life trajectory because of a one year long relationship.