Hi all, So the other night my boyfriend and I were talking about style and fashion. I asked him what he thought of short hair (slightly above or above the shoulder). He said that it was a deal breaker and that he would probably break up with me if I got my hair cut that short. This surprised me since we’ve been dating for 1.5 years and it’s just a hair cut. I have been thinking about getting my haircut shorter since the ends are dead and unhealthy. I had told him this too. I then asked him to explain more. He said that it was not “his preference” and “I’d look like a guy” if I got my hair cut above my shoulders and it’d take too long for my hair to grow to an “acceptable” length and he doesn’t want to wait.
He then went on went to asking me why I wanted to do it. I told him my reasoning again, and he got mad saying”It’s not like you have cancer and have to cut your hair.” This rubbed me the wrong way, I mean, it’s just a hair cut. I told him I felt this was really superficial and that I still wanted to get it cut. He then said that I was just doing it to cause problems since I “knew he didn’t like it ,” and I’m directly doing something he doesn’t like.
I thought this was really controlling and it triggered a lot of self esteem issues because he kept saying how I wouldn’t be attractive if I cut my hair. I explained to him how I already don’t feel attractive and I wanted to cut my hair to try to mend that. It also made me question the relationship since something like a hair cut would be enough for him to break up. I left that night sad and he was frustrated at me, and said that I always pick fights.
I want to talk with him more about this, but I’m not sure what to say or even if it’s a good idea to continue this conversation. Should I just drop it?
31 comments
Don’t drop it. Get the cut.
That man thinks your body is his property. He can go.
He told you how he feels and now it’s up to you what you do with that information.
A short hair cut isn’t attractive to him. That’s valid. Do I think it’s enough to break up with someone over? Hell no. But this is clearly the hill he wants to die on, and it seems very very superficial and selfish of him to do so.
If YOU want to cut your hair, cut your hair. If he breaks up with you, so be it. You’ll probably be better off without someone so superficial.
Drop *him* and find a guy who isn’t going to freak out if you change up your style to something less stereotypically feminine, let alone try and twist things around to make it look like you’re the one with the problem when you call him out on his attitude.
Nope nope nope. Red flags. Is it a discussion, did you ask for advice. Worry: that the person isn’t in love with you and who you are if it’s superficial fo you want it? Like boy bye. Do you. Be happy. Don’t live your life to please minds that are on one track and thinking selfishly. Honestly you’ll be happier in the long run. 🙂 if he loved you it wouldn’t be about your hair cut. Love is when you want the person to be happy. Control isn’t love.
You control your body, including your hair.
If you want a haircut, have a haircut. If a haircut makes it impossible for him to love you anymore, tell him not to let the door hit him on his way out.
drop him, and cut your hair. build your self esteem up and learn to love yourself before your next relationship an you will feel unstoppable.
This is a creative righting exercise tittled “most riddiculous people”, isn’t it?
Please tell me it is…
Drop it by dropping the man so you never have to have this discussion again. Then go and get your fabulous new “short” haircut and live your best life without a controlling bf to weigh you down.
Cut your hair fuck that bs.
Even if I decided against the haircut, I think I’d drop the boyfriend
It’s perfectly valid for him to have this preference, but it’s also valid for me not to want to be with someone who thinks that way
I know you’re only 22 but I feel like it should be easy to see that if your man would break up with you over that… Hes gotta go
Byebye dummy boyfriend 👋
What’s there to talk more? No one should be telling you what to do with any part of your body. Drop him n cut ur hair. I personally think short hair on girls looks sexy.
lol my ex told me he wouldn’t hold my hand in public, take pictures together with me or be affectionate with me if I cut my hair short. Meanwhile, he cut his own hair down to like 3 mm every few months regardless of my opinion on the matter (I hated it and he knew that, but I didn’t punish him for doing what he wanted to his own body). Because “mEn aNd wOmEn aRe diFfeReNt”. Now I’m single and I cut my own hair as short as I damn well please, it feels great.
Honestly, f–k people who stop loving you over something as dumb as the length of your hair. Yeah, yeah, I know, people have preferences and they’re allowed to have that. But shit can happen. Like cancer, alopecia and probably a long list of other things that cause hairloss/thinning/etc. Personally, I would have a real hard time trusting that type of person to stick around in a future serious type of situation if they threatened to break up over something as small as this after 1,5 years together.
Edit spelling
Drop the boyfriend? Yes.
He’s welcome to an opinion, but he doesn’t get a vote (unless you give him one) and he definitely doesn’t get a veto. It’s your hair – do what you want with it.
I have a big problem with him saying things like ‘unacceptable’ (to him), ‘look like a guy’ (to him), doing it to ’cause problems’ (for him). NONE of those things are even acknowledging what you want to do with your hair, or even that you have every right to do so!
and worst of all, threatening to break up? That’s controlling behavior, Friend.
Over HAIR. Are you an object that needs to be pretty in the way he defines it, or are you an autonomous person?
Think about this long and hard, OP. He is TELLING you what he thinks of you and how much he respects you. BELIEVE HIM.
What a shallow position to take! This shows he cares about how you look more than he cares about you or your happiness. You should be glad you found out now. Even if for some reason he ended up liking your shorter hair it would still warrant breaking up with him over this!
Dump him. You’re really lucky in that he isn’t playing mind games with you or being sneaky. He straight up said ‘*It causes unnecessary problems when you don’t obey me so just do what I want or I’ll dump you*’ is a pretty clear indicator of what kind of guy he is.
My best friend had breast cancer and I told her if she lost her hair, I would shave my head right along with her. I’d been dating a guy for awhile at that time and we went out to dinner a few days after her and I had this conversation. I told him my plan and he was outraged. He actually said the words ‘No girlfriend of mine is going to shave her head!!’ and I said ‘Okay’, got up from the table and walked out.
NTA he has zero right to dictate your appearance. If his feelings for you are so weak that a hairdo will end them then that’s good news for you. Shop for a less repressive and misogynistic BF for yourself while enjoying your new style. He’s 26 and an adult, not a petulant teen to pout until he gets his way.
I dare you to cut your hair. DO IT!!!!!
Get the haircut you want. If he doesn’t like it then it sucks to be him. If he breaks up with you over a haircut then he wasn’t worth your time to begin with
I’d cut my hair on purpose and send it to him in the mail with his stuff with a note telling him it’s over
I would even love my gf if she would need to cut her bald. I can understand, that he is attracted to long her but what I dont understand is, how can he break up a relationship over something like that?!
You deserve someone who loves you in every way and with every hair cut. People who break up for this would break up for every other small BS. Be cautious please
so, i had hair almost down to my butt and i decided to shave it one day while my bf (of only a few months at the time) was at work. i texted him and said “i’m shaving my head, [friends name] is helping me” and he said “cool, have fun! i can’t wait to see what it looks like!” it looked awful. he came to see me after work and evened it out for me and told me how pretty i was. i’m not a fan of the way my hair is growing back and if i complain about it he just says “but you’re so beautiful!” anyway, all that is to say that you deserve better and you will find someone that will support you. your bf sounds like a loser, you should do whatever you want with your hair.
Cut your hair. Make sure he knows you aren’t going to controlled. If he leaves you saved yourself years. If he doesn’t …. You should leave him anyway for being a controlling AH
If your love is dependent on your haircut, cut him loose. Tell him BYE! Your human existence is worth much more than being with a crappy boy like that.
Cut your hair how you damn well please, tell him if he doesn’t like it he can GTFO.
Be prepared to ditch him.
I would absolutely cut my hair. Fuck him.
You should definitely cut your hair asap.
Then when you look fantastic with it, go see him and tell him that you’re going to need some distance from this relationship because he has shown that there is not stability and you need to be certain there is a stronger foundation that doesn’t mean your hair is a make or break.
Thennn go out and realize how hot you are and tell him your busy when he tries to hang out because you’re 22 and young and this man clearly isn’t going to be your husband with that attitude.
And then be happy forever. The end. Have your boundaries. Do what you want. Look how you want. The man that is right for you will want you and ACCEPT you regardless.
You’ll get old and lose your beauty one day, you want someone who loves you for reasons that are not aesthetic. Cut your hair.
Get the hair cut. Dump the man.
Preferably in that order.
If you think he’s being shallow and petty now, just wait until you get babytrapped by him and every part of your body changes while he makes you feel ugly and unattractive for it. Cause thats exactly where this is headed